xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 08:52 PM |
The Oaks protect us... if darkness overcomes them, the world of Xander will be put into a dark age..
Kingdoms: Ice Sky Demon
Elf Shapeshifter. (Admins only.) Fire
Admins: desa21 xbikeman foamyalice
Rivals:
Ice and Fire Fire hates all other kingdoms, except Demon.
Story: The Oaks (Center of Xander) have always been there. They have had dark times, but have pushed through with help of the Guardians: Yumi, Russi, and Pyscho. The Demon Kingdom have rebelled, and now the world might be in danger...
(How to do your character:)
Name: (First and Last) Nickname: (If any) Skills: (Up to 3)
Weakness: (You need to have at least 2)
Type: (Warrior, loner, princess, king, prince, queen, archer, banished, villager)
Backstory:
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:02 PM |
Name: Pyshco Theive. Nick: (None) Skills: Loyal, Extremely Good Archer, Extremely Smart.
Weaknesses: (1) Gets confused easily. (2) Almost silent.
Type: Guardian
Backstory: It's partly known. Here is what she remembers:
She woke up tied to a pole near the age of 15. She was captured by the Demon Kingdom. She got away, and Yumi found her lying in the river... They accepted her to the Guardians, and trained her.
Age: 22
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:12 PM |
Name: Her real name is unknown. Nick: Echo Skills: Parkourist, Smart, Loyal.
Weakness: Annoying people, Needs glasses, When she is in trouble, she can't speak, which gets her in MORE trouble.
Type: Shapeshifter & Loner
Backstory: Unknown. |
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k3rl343
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 6702 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:22 PM |
Hey Sally, you should check out another RP, preferably successful RP. See the difference?
Tнe poѕѕιвιlιтιeѕ αre eхтreмely lιмιтed |
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T0LK1EN
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| Joined: 13 Apr 2015 |
| Total Posts: 60 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:22 PM |
| I just facepalmed myself with Russia. |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:49 PM |
| (Have you ever seen School Of Languard? Yep...) |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:51 PM |
We mean: Do more than join just one RP. I can't even begin how empty and confusing this rp is. |
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simsf1
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| Joined: 27 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 10905 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 09:51 PM |
| Not gonna lie. This is... bad. |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:11 PM |
I feel as if we don't give enough constructive criticism. We just give destructive.
It repels people from the forum without the idea of bettering their skill.
But some RPs are inexcusably bad. Not to say that's this one, but... |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:11 PM |
Sh.it story. Sh.it setting Sh.it CS set up And sh.it characters Overall: Utter sh.it.
"The one downside to being shot with guns is that you die." ~ Star_ |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:13 PM |
| (You just hate all my threads .-. You post on all of them, and it's always hate) |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:13 PM |
If you made good RPs, you wouldn't get hate.
"The one downside to being shot with guns is that you die." ~ Star_ |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:17 PM |
| (Then, give me some constructive criticism. What should I do? Tell me some ideas, please.) |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:18 PM |
Name: Pyshco Theive.
The f**k is that name?
Nick: (None)
Skills: Loyal, Extremely Good Archer, Extremely Smart.
Loyalty isn't a skill
Weaknesses: (1) Gets confused easily. (2) Almost silent.
(1) Easily negligible.
(2)
Not a weakness
Type: Guardian
Backstory: It's partly known. Here is what she remembers:
She woke up tied to a pole near the age of 15. She was captured by the Demon Kingdom. She got away, and Yumi found her lying in the river... They accepted her to the Guardians, and trained her.
Why would they accept her for no reason? This makes no sense. Also, amnesia is a terrible trope
Age: 22
Overall: A sh.itty Mary Stu with no personality
"The one downside to being shot with guns is that you die." ~ Star_ |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:21 PM |
Criticism?
Get better grammar Make a better story.Yours is an incoherent mess, and supplies us with nothing Create a setting. Without one, you're sending people in blind, which isn't good Supply detail: Describe things. Very few things in this world can be summed up in one sentence. Create good characters. Both the CSs you made are stereotypical perfect Mary Stu's
"The one downside to being shot with guns is that you die." ~ Star_ |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:24 PM |
| (Ok, that actually helps me. Should I redo, or abandon this thread?) |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:26 PM |
You could try re-writing it. The concept isn't bad Done well, it could work. But first, look at some other RPs See how they set up their stories
"The one downside to being shot with guns is that you die." ~ Star_ |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:30 PM |
| (Can you tell me if my thread: School Of Languard. roleplay is good? thanks for being nice.) |
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| 15 Apr 2015 10:34 PM |
It's not good, per-say But it isn't bad either The story is lackluster, and the CSs need revising But it defiantly could be salvaged
"The one downside to being shot with guns is that you die." ~ Star_ |
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 10:11 PM |
(Redone, please give me help if it's bad. I'm redoing it to make it better)
A black hole had appeared. The Guardians Lee, Fantasy, and Joel stood guard atop Schzid. Many people had run into there homes. The Dark Kingdom had rebelled, and the Guardians had to protect it. The Dark Kingdom has always wanted control over all of Xander, doing anything to get it. Including killing others in the kingdom, almost destroying Xander, and almost killing the Oaks forever.
}1,000 Years Later...{ The Dark Kingdom have rebelled again, this time spreading all across Xander. From the Ice Kingdom to Fire Kingdom, they sent out troops to destroy other Kingdoms. The rest of the Dark Kingdom had set of for the Oaks. The other Kingdoms sent out the strongest of warriors, archers, and spear-men. None had returned back to there beloved Kingdom. "We have lost brave warriors over the last year." murmured Alison, protector of the Oaks. "Many, many brave men and women had set out of a quest, a quest to protect Xander.." Alison said, moving around in her large dress. "We must kill, or be killed." She said. "Send messages to other Kingdoms... tell them a time of war is about to rise."
Kingdoms: Fire Ice Cloud Sky Light Dark Miner Monster Wyvern Dragon Shape-Shifter. (My friends only!)
Types: Loner Banished Warrior Archer Spear-man Princess (Must be approved by me) King (Must be approved by me) Queen (Again, must be approved by me) Prince: (Also must be approved by me) Villager
|CS| Name: (First & Last) Nickname: (Is any) Skills: (Up to three) Appearance: Personality:
Weakness: (At least two)
Kingdom You Belong To:
Type: Other: (Put Oak here to prove you read everything.)
Backstory: (Optional)
What Is Xander?: Xander is a world of Kingdoms, each Kingdom looking different. Were to Kingdoms meet, a line of pure, burning metal will appear. Anyone who touches it, or goes farther from it, will get a burning sensation, and in a three-day timing, die. Unless you get to Alison in time, which most doubt, since when you feel the burning, you have the urge to drop to the ground, and pass out, then eventually die. I'll explain what the Kingdoms look like.
Fire: A large wall of fire and lave surrounds there Kingdom. Inside, a large village can be found, which is made out of stone. Then a large, flaming castle is found at the back
Ice: Well, what it sounds like! A wall of snow surrounding the town. Then a large Ice castle to the side. It always snows here, but you only know when you are inside the Kingdom, because from other Kingdoms, this Kingdom is invisible.
Cloud: Ahh, the Cloud Kingdom. They live up in the skies, scattered around. They control the clouds, making it dark, and gloomy, or making it bright, and with the sun shining. This Kingdom is one large cloud
Sky: Very close friends to the Cloud kingdom, they also control weather. They can make it pour, drizzle, make fog, make breezes, or make it really warm.
Light: Unfortunately very close to the Dark Kingdom. The Dark and Light Kingdom often have clashes over stupid things. The sun is always shining here, thanks to the Sky Kingdom. There village houses are made of wood, with a shining castle in front.
Dark: May I say, the opposite of the Light Kingdom.
Miner: The Miner Kingdom stay underground, living in a large, cursed mine. There houses are dug into the walls of the mine, with no king, queen, prince, or princess. This Kingdom makes choices together.
Monster: This Kingdom is made up of giant spiders, zombies, and stuff like that. They prefer to live alone, but sometimes come together.
Wyvern: Enemies of the Sky and Cloud Kingdoms, when these half-humans transform into Wyverns, wherever they fly, clouds bundle up. The Wyvern Kingdom are sort of like shape-shifters, but can only change into Wyverns, instead of anything.
Dragon: Much like Wyverns, being able to change from human to a dragon, this Kingdom lives high up in the skies, in mountains. Higher then the Cloud Kingdom. They prefer to hunt alone, but live in a Tribe, with a Leader, instead of princess, king, queen, and prince. The leader makes decisions.
Shapeshifter: They live on ground, in the east part of Xander. Shapeshifters can change forms, to use to their advantage. (Remember, my friends only!) they have a village in the back, with a castle in the front. Many have been banishes from this Kingdom.
What The Oak's Names Are: Schzid, Quento, Kemore, and Notherivorith.
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xbikeman
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| Joined: 24 Dec 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2367 |
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| 17 Apr 2015 10:22 PM |
Name: Mime Bradley Nickname: (None) Skills: (She doesn't really have any.) Appearance: Black hair, white T-shirt, white pants, light gray plaid jacket, black sneakers, checkered black & white backpack. Personality: Loyal, Persuasive, Smart, Funny, Easy to agree with
Weakness: She can easily zone off, she can't talk when near lots of people.
Kingdom She Belongs To: Wyvern Type: Loner
Backstory: (What's the fun in writing it all up?) |
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