Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:35 PM |
The Zombie Apocalypse, Everyone wondered when it was gonna happen, Sarah is a normal nurse at Calafornia hospital, She was doing an experiment to prove aliens exist, Except she proved ZOMBIES exist, More info is below about Sara and the other characters. THIS IS JUST A BACKSTORY ON THE APOCALYPSE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sarah is a nurse at California Hospital, She was the first person to see the zombie apocalypse, Now Cameron and Lilith are on their own, With only a guard dog named Lily, a shotgun and pistol with ammo, and food to protect them. They are all alone, Hoping for someone to help! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sarah's Diary: Dear Diary, Day one of my mission to prove aliens exist, I'm doing an expirement right now and i just heard something. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sarah's POV I closed my diary and hid it at my desk, was it an alien, No. It was a zombie, I gasped and grabbed 2 pistols, This girl came in and i handed it to her, when she left i was attacked by a zombie and killed, Now im in a grave dead, Im sending you these thoughts from my grave, Don't tell my brother about this, Or Lilith. Please. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HERE IS THE SHEET:
Name: (NO CRAZY NAMES LIKE SUBWAYZE POOPOO) Age: (must be at least 18) Gender: Personality: (be realistic, dont be like: Gorgeous, Strong, Brave; Put things in there like shyness and sensitivity) Backstory: Let us learn how you got to California Appearance: LARA CROFT IS TAKEN! Anyone you brought here with you?: YOU MUST PLAY AS THEM! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rules:
1) No Supernaturals. You must start out human and ask me permission if you wanna turn into a zombie at any point... 2) No taking control of other characters. like, Don't randomly make me at a store! Just be like "I wandered around and bumped into a campsite, it looks nice" and that could be my campsite 3) Make it a little like Apocolypse Rising, Like you gotta go get food, You can find armor, find cars, etc. 4) Don't bully people. IF YOU DO THEN YOU WILL BE IGNORED BY ME 5) Ask permission for the following things: staying at my campsite, borrowing weapons, Where i am, Help on any rules you don't understand 6) NO CELEBRITIES! IM USING LARA CROFT CAUSE SHE IS A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER AND SHE FITS INTO THE BATTLE THEME! BUT MY CHARACTER IS NOT BRITISH! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU START OUT WITH ONLY A PISTOL!! NO OTHER WEAPONS TO START WITH!! NO PERKS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Name: Lilith Jamie Michaels Age: 19 Gender: Female Personality: Brave, Strong, Shy. Backstory: I lived in Texas until i was thrown into a truck one night and brought here to survive a night...And randomly the zombie apocalypse started. Appearance: Lara Croft (look it up) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BOOM! BETTER |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:41 PM |
Rock's reviews! YEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY you've caught my attention and you need help
Plot: 2/10. Literally is nothing. All there is is saying you have a gun (IE: probably a Kalash), and a dog. Although there is an explanation of the apocalypse, it is not enough to give the reader enough detail. It says something about proving aliens exist but then suddenly zombies. What does the globe do about this? Where's the CDC? Grammar: 10/10, it's there. CS: 5/10, there's only the basic essentials. Totals: 17/30, SORELY needs MORE improvement. Also, not to mention that people can make another character. Secondly, why are you basically giving your character: "Laura Croft: Renamed!"? So what about any damn thing? So ****ing what? |
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birm123
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| Joined: 06 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 16942 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:42 PM |
Rather than being an asshat I'm going to be gentle;
This sucks.
No offense, but the grammar is poor, there is a lack of story other than for Sara, where did she get two pistols from, how does she talk from the grave when she's dead, and likely turned into a zombie by now. As for the roleplay in general, it should be writing more seriously with proper grammar. Something is that should be established, though note it's only my opinion, is that the things you wrote in addition to the character sheet such as Lara Croft is taken[though I assure you no one would be planning on taking a role had the roleplay been better written with a more detailed story], should either be relocated to the rules or put in parenthesis. I hope I managed to help you without insulting you, unlike some of the other people on this dreaded Hell hole. |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:42 PM |
| In Tomb Raider you battle, and she gets blood on her, she looks nice, she's well a girl, The only thing different is that my character is not british. |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:45 PM |
| and the sara grave thing is a note, But she is not actually dead, It's a lie to make sure her brother does not find out she is a zombie. |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:49 PM |
Min... You might wanna give up. Rock is going to be mean to you and I have no power to stop him.
"I have the right t be mean!"- rockmax2112alt (I had to do this) |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:49 PM |
| Sarah is trying to find something to heal her zombie affects, she is not actually dead, that was a lie from Sarah, and how is the grammar poor? I'm sorry i forgot to put some things in parenthesis. i am not remaking this AGAIN, I have made this 3 times |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:50 PM |
| Sassy, In your opinion? Did i do better then the first and second one? |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:51 PM |
Don't listen to sassy. Sassy, I am giving LEGIT CRITICISM HERE. |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:52 PM |
Also... Why are you criticizing me in the Age Of Loneliness. Everything was there, Mr. RP Cop!
"I have the right to be mean!"- rockmax2112alt (I had to do that) |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:52 PM |
| Sassy isn't making me create 3 remakes of the same roleplay! |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:52 PM |
Not to mention sassy's "siggy" WAS NOT DIRECTED TOWARD HER. JESUS CHRISTOS.
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birm123
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| Joined: 06 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 16942 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 05:57 PM |
The Zombie Apocalypse, Everyone wondered when it was gonna happen, Sarah is a normal nurse at Calafornia hospital, She was doing an experiment to prove aliens exist, Except she proved ZOMBIES exist, More info is below about Sara and the other characters. THIS IS JUST A BACKSTORY ON THE APOCALYPSE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sarah is a nurse at California Hospital, She was the first person to see the zombie apocalypse, Now Cameron and Lilith are on their own, With only a guard dog named Lily, a shotgun and pistol with ammo, and food to protect them. They are all alone, Hoping for someone to help! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sarah's Diary: Dear Diary, Day one of my mission to prove aliens exist, I'm doing an expirement right now and i just heard something. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sarah's POV I closed my diary and hid it at my desk, was it an alien, No. It was a zombie, I gasped and grabbed 2 pistols, This girl came in and i handed it to her, when she left i was attacked by a zombie and killed, Now im in a grave dead, Im sending you these thoughts from my grave, Don't tell my brother about this, Or Lilith. Please. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Zombie Apocalypse, Everyone wondered when it was gonna happen, Sarah is a normal nurse at Calafornia hospital, She was doing an experiment to prove aliens exist, Except she proved ZOMBIES exist, More info is below about Sara and the other characters. THIS IS JUST A BACKSTORY ON THE APOCALYPSE!
Zombie and apocalypse should not be capitalized. Comma should be period. Gonna should be going to. Calafornia[having been born in California you have really grinded my gears] should be California. Comma should be period. Comma should be period. Comma should be period.
Sarah is a nurse at California Hospital, She was the first person to see the zombie apocalypse, Now Cameron and Lilith are on their own, With only a guard dog named Lily, a shotgun and pistol with ammo, and food to protect them. They are all alone, Hoping for someone to help!
Comma should be period. Comma should be period. Comma should be period. Comma should be period. Pistol with ammo, and food to protect them. H should be lower case.
Sarah's Diary: Dear Diary, Day one of my mission to prove aliens exist, I'm doing an expirement right now and i just heard something.
Experiment. I should be capitalized.
I closed my diary and hid it at my desk, was it an alien, No. It was a zombie, I gasped and grabbed 2 pistols, This girl came in and i handed it to her, when she left i was attacked by a zombie and killed, Now im in a grave dead, Im sending you these thoughts from my grave, Don't tell my brother about this, Or Lilith. Please.
Comma should be period. Comma should be question mark. Comma should be period. Comma should be period. I should be capitalized. <. im should be I'm. I'm. Comma should be period. Don't tell my brother or Lilith about this.
Not going to do the rest. |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:01 PM |
| Really? I don't have to have PERFECT grammar to have a good roleplay. |
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birm123
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| Joined: 06 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 16942 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:03 PM |
| Never said you should have perfect grammar. In fact, I make a LOT of grammar mistakes. However, this is kind of bad, no offense. Your punctuation and capitalization is what ruined you most, though, so I wouldn't feel too bad about it. |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:05 PM |
| When people look at the beginning, They don't look at these things, they just read the rules and make their character. So the grammar doesn't matter. |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:07 PM |
No, the exact opposite occurs. It's like that judging a book by it's cover thing. |
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birm123
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| Joined: 06 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 16942 |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:09 PM |
| Well, Can you send me a little intro, THAT ACTUALLY MAKES THIS LIKE, it involves Lilith, Cameron and Sara..The CS and the rules...Like and make the rules like my rules. put the ask me for permission rule in? I can't make my own intro, it's gonna fail. |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:10 PM |
Name: Emily Malone
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Personality: Kind. Sensitive. Overreacts too much. Daydreams alot. Creative. Loves to act.
Backstory: Lets make this quick. She had a happy life basically. She wanted to be an actor as long as she could remember. She got an agent a few years ago and she got a call from the agent to audition for a movie called "Age Of Loneliness" (I will get my revenge, rock!) which were held in Las Angeles, California. Soon after the auditions... OH NOES, ZOMBEHZ! Nuff said.
Appearance (Physical): (Why did you take a Lara Croft clone again?) Long ginger hair in a pony tail. Pale skin. Freckles. Tall and skinny.
Appearance (Clothing): A white tank top with a heart on it. Blue shorts for the heck of it. Pink sneakers with white laces.
Appearance (Cosmetics): Pink nails. A touch of blush. Don't worry... The rest is all natural.
"I have the right to be mean!"- rockmax2112alt (I has to do this) |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:13 PM |
(you start by walking in the hospital)
We walked in the hospital and found alot of dead zombies on the floor. "where is Sarah?"
(ITS SHORT CAUSE I GOTTA MAKE IT QUICK) |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:14 PM |
Min, in roleplays there is no one main ALMIGHTY character everyone must support or risk being stoned to death in fear of upsetting these characters. Sassy, PLEASE STOP CARRYING THAT SIGGY AROUND. IT IS NOT HELPING YOU PERIOD, NOR DID YOU NEED TO DO IT. |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:17 PM |
YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!
SHE IS FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL THAT MADE THIS HAPPEN SO SHE IS A BIG THING IN THIS!
SHE IS HELPING PEOPLEEE |
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Min3Lov3r
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| Joined: 31 Jan 2015 |
| Total Posts: 1438 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:22 PM |
bump spam
BUMPMPPMPMPMPPMPMPPMPPMPMOMIKT0IKJ[YOJJPMPMPMPMPPMPMPPMPMPMPBUMOPPMPPMPMPMPPMPMPPMPPMPM
RKLOPKHOPK
BUMP xD |
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marc12267
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25897 |
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| 18 Mar 2015 06:24 PM |
*sigh* Sassy... If you want to stop being hated and despised like Soardlo has, drop the siggy, get off your high horse and LEARN to be good at RPing and RP creating like HOW James Cameron is good at directing.
And OP, you might want to elaborate on how the zombie apocalypse came. Have a corpse reanimation experiment go wrong. Or a disease or a evolved one. Why not a flu? Why forget an allergy? |
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