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Re: [Story] It's a prologue to something I've been writing

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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
07 Mar 2015 04:13 PM
PROLOGUE
"The Tavern"

The tavern's usual light ambiance was shrouded by the tyranny of the town guards. They had made it their recent calling to harass the patrons of the local taverns of the poor district of Yarheim City. The patrons all stayed planted upon their chairs eyeing the guards but keeping their voices low to avoid the foul gaze of the abusive guards. The barkeep and owner of the establishment, Gortan, was a stocky and black man with a bald head and bushy black beard.
Amongst the bargoers was a young man, just recently reaching his nineteenth year, Ashan. He was a wealthy nobleman's first born son, born a prince. He had recently found amusement in causing verbal mischief, with the occasional bar fight. He had only recently made his appearance's known to the bargoers but he had quickly made an impression; buying the whole bar's fill of drinks and also fighting off any who had looked at him wrong while under the influence of alcohol and possibly a wager over cards.
"Come on you witless fossil-" bellowed the large captain at the counter. "I called for rum!"
The large barkeep, poorly hiding his contempt for the guards, obeyed and turned to the assorted beverages resting in bottles behind him. Nearly six months now the guards have been in and out of the bar only to get their fill and break away, for the first week Gortan had made a deal to stop their harassment but quickly found that they would not take his denial for an answer. The group of angered guards would commonly find themselves shattering windows and smashing wooden chair into sharp splinters.
He reached up for the rum; he was a tad shorter and fatter than a common man of his age but still very able. The large captain nudged a guard next to him who reached across the counter and began reaching for something out of sight and from a chair near the corner of the room stood a vigilant and displeased Ashan. He caught a glance from a bargoer or two but it wasn't until he began unsheathing his sword that the guards found their attention on him, before any of them could muster an order they were cut off by the sound of a loud gasp of air. Gortan had grabbed the sticky-fingered guard by the throat and right side of his collar.
Gortan had brought down the man's face into the hardwood countertop of the bar with a painfully dull and hollow sound. The man began fighting and squirming for freedom but after a sharp squeeze he found himself submissive to the stout barkeep. The large captain noticing his ally in hold had gone to strike Gortan but before he could lay a hand on the man he was cut off by the lad he had originally found his attention upon.
"The first one to touch the barman gets to taste my blade." Ashan had snarled to the audience before him. Ashan was a noble's son, he was trained in many political matters but he was also trained it what his masters liked to call self-defense. Ashan knew better than just a simple self-defense tactic, he used it openly and gallantly. The captain inched a bit closer as if to test the boy but had quickly found himself looking at not only Ashan but an army of angry, and slightly intoxicated, men surrounding him.
The captain lowered his arm and his face reddened from a violent mix of anger and embarrassment. "Very well." he uttered curtly. The other guards had not relaxed but had lowered their arms from their weapons. The captain motioned for them all to file out of the establishment. One after another they made their departures from the large room. The last of the line was the large captain who glanced from the unruly young man who had stopped him to the fat black man who held his comrade. "Aye, let him go then-" he growled at the man.
Gortan frowned a toothy frown revealing the large gap in his lower jaw of teeth. He shoved the man away from him and to the floor. The guard made quite a show of the pain he was in as the air exploded from his lungs as he hit the hard floor of the tavern. The guard groaned and turned his head to see a group of angry bar patrons and to this he quickly jumped to his feet and rushed passed his captain who had remained long enough to glare once more at Ashan then turned to take his leave wit ha few choice words of the more vulgar variety.
The bargoers quietly cheered amongst themselves at the small victory they held over the "law enforcement" of the city. All smiled but Gortan who glared at the young boy with eyes that could shatter stone.
"What have I told you, boy?" he asked angrily. "I have told you countless times to keep that mouth of yours shut if those guards come in here."
"They were stealing from you-" Ashan began to retort.
"I'm not sure if you have had a good look at me lately, but I'm no prince. I'm a barman, they haven't much to steal." he said to the boy. "The last time you opened your mouth you had the front window smashed out."
Gortan had always been a father figure to the nobleman's son. While it is true he had only recently started visiting the tavern, Ashan's father and Gortan had been friends from childhood to adulthood. Gortan had no wife or children of his own so he made a deal of being there for Ashan when his father had important political business to attend to. He acted as a father would as well, both in appraisal and scolding.
"Was I to sit back and watch the thief?" Ashan asked angrily.
Gortan looked as if he were about to strike the boy across the face when he sighed. "If I say it so, yes." he said to him.
Ashan glared at him then glanced at the patrons of the bar who quickly looked from the argument back to their drinks. His face reddened with anger and he grabbed his drink from the counter and stormed out of the front door. He stumbled into the poorly lit street of cobblestone and made back for his manor.
Gortan sighed and smiled his toothy smile while giving a customer at the counter a wink. "His father is going to be getting an earful from his son tonight." he said to the amused customer.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
07 Mar 2015 04:44 PM
The prologue might not convey it enough, but the story is going to be about corruption in a medieval-esque government.
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ninjasquid1 is not online. ninjasquid1
Joined: 26 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 2415
07 Mar 2015 04:52 PM
Very interesting. Can't wait to see more.
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SwedishLemon is not online. SwedishLemon
Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 8728
07 Mar 2015 05:42 PM
wordwall

why

a

god

dang

WORDWALL?!

THERE IS A THING CALLED PARAGRAPHS, CREATIVE
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Pruz is not online. Pruz
Joined: 11 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 31781
07 Mar 2015 06:40 PM
They're not paragraphs since there are no infections.

They are stanzas.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
07 Mar 2015 08:37 PM
Swedish, there are indents bud.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
08 Mar 2015 03:55 AM
I like to write in business letter format.

Such as this: with blank lines in between paragraphs.



However, the correct writing format for a book is not business letter format.
They are done with indents.
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