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Re: birmy is writing a story

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birm123 is not online. birm123
Joined: 06 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 16942
07 Mar 2015 01:25 PM
writing a story about the people you love most in the world

yourselves.
---
A small boy sat upon a golden throne, wearing an equally golden crown at an angle upon his small head. He could be no older than twelve years old, which was odd in it's own right, but what was even stranger was that everyone in the room seemed to be looking to him in a way that simply screamed respect. And not only were these grown men and women praising him, and looking at him with a look that could only say that he was some sort of high figure, they were all purple, green, or a dark red.

Indeed, the Grapes were strange. Their skin colors varied, from purple to red, and it was not uncommon for them to be extremely tall. What was even stranger was their distinct lack of normal clothing for the age; rather than the common tunics and rags, they wore extremely casual clothing. Even the apparent king of a child was wearing robes that looked not kingly at all.

Back to the child, he looked rather mature on that throne. He wore a bored and tired expression, wearing his purple green and pink robes. His hair was long, and curled at the back, being purple, along with his skin. The color of his eyes were a remarkably light blue, a shade that could surely not be achieved in the modern world. He looked to be rather nonathletic, being tall yet very skinny, and there was a clear lack of great strength in his arms and legs. The crown was golden with crystals and markings of heads, the crystals being purple, and the markings being slightly less gold, making themselves obvious to the crowd below him.

Behind the child was a large window made of stained glass, and the image shown on the glass only intensified the strangeness of the room; a very white figure with a horn and several markings across it's body stood high above the world, looking upon three small, humanoid figures, one purple, one rather peach, and the other furry and orange. No one, though, appeared to question the child's choice of art, and everyone seemed rather grim. They all kept shooting nervous glances at the door, as if expecting them to fly open any second and reveal some sort of beast.

Soon, almost too soon for the Grapes, the doors opened, and in came a trembling humanoid in armor, covering the skin. He knelt in front of the boy, who wore a mixed expression of relief and terror, torn between being happy that the knight had returned and fear for what news he had brought with him to the Grapes. Deciding that it was best that the words were spoken before any other conversation, the child waved his arms in a dismissing way, and then again, signaling for the knight to continue.

"Lord Birm of Grape, my king, I bring grave news. The scouts have returned back from the newly risen island, and the words they bring instate fear in even my heart, and I have seen many things that would cause a weaker man to be driven insane." The knight paused, taking a long, deep, breath, and then continuing. "My highness, over half of them are dead. Most of what's left is insane, and the rest are gravely wounded. One of them, however, managed to speak words that were not just gibberish, or shivering of fear. 'Oh, tell the king, tell the king that the wicked king has risen again, and that he sets his sights on us!'".

The crowd was in an uproar. Men trembled and roared, women sobbed and children glared around, confused but upset. The child king, or Birm, so he seemed to be called, attempted to regain control of the room, but it was simply to chaotic. People sought out their families and began to abandon the room in a hurry, and Birm ended up having to scream a sound that was in-between a roar and a "STOP!" in order to reinstate order. The crowd stopped in mere surprised, but it seemed soon that they would continue their rampage of escape.

"The situation is under control. The Wicked King may have risen, but we are more powerful than we have ever been before. Our warriors carry new sword and shield, our mages hold the knowledge of new magic, and our lords and nobles take the Grape banner and hold it high above their head. This time, we are prepared. Perhaps the last time we nearly lost it all, but please; if all you do is run from this room, then you will be known as part of the group that abandoned the Grape Kingdom and assisted it in it's fall." His voice echoed through the room, and the nobles and generals and high mages began to fix themselves.

Birm beamed at the mess he had fixed, and then spoke. "Now, in order to defeat the Wicked King we will require a plan. One, I'm sure, that the mages already recognize, and know how to complete. We will need the help of many allies, including the most powerful living beings to exist in our world; the Artists." The group went quiet with shock, but then started roaring in approval.

"Come now, let us begin the plan!" Birm shouted, and the high ranking Grapes charged out of the room to begin the creation of the plan. Birm looked behind him at the window and frowned.

"May the Gods have mercy on our souls."
---
how is it? it's not the best writing in the world, but considering it's coming from a twelve year old im rather pleased with it.
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supersonic555444 is not online. supersonic555444
Joined: 22 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 1844
07 Mar 2015 01:27 PM
I like it. The detail is nice.

~The Low Post Count Noob of RP that obsesses over being called CheeseOfAmerica
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Tortemarra is not online. Tortemarra
Joined: 22 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 5567
07 Mar 2015 02:11 PM
YOU NEVER KILLED OR GOT RID OF SOARD.
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birm123 is not online. birm123
Joined: 06 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 16942
07 Mar 2015 02:14 PM
1.it's a story

2.it's a story

3.it's a story

4.IT'S A STORY
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Tortemarra is not online. Tortemarra
Joined: 22 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 5567
07 Mar 2015 02:22 PM
Here's mi stpry

'Union
K
Hey wiki
Wot
Union
K
Leta bwat up prec.
Wins
BIRM BETRAYS
Ok
Union dies.
Gets blown up by prec and birm
NO MORE FORGIV
'
The end
No im not beinf tarrted
I em thuper cerial
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styrofoamdrone is not online. styrofoamdrone
Joined: 15 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 1373
07 Mar 2015 02:46 PM
It's quite nice

Good job.
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Tortemarra is not online. Tortemarra
Joined: 22 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 5567
07 Mar 2015 02:48 PM
Also noice storey
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
07 Mar 2015 03:37 PM
Vammy rulez
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PurringThunder is not online. PurringThunder
Joined: 23 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 16465
07 Mar 2015 04:53 PM
its
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ninjasquid1 is not online. ninjasquid1
Joined: 26 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 2415
07 Mar 2015 04:54 PM
"needs more kinacha"

-me, always
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PickachuGirl is not online. PickachuGirl
Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 42645
07 Mar 2015 04:55 PM
looks gr8
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birm123 is not online. birm123
Joined: 06 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 16942
07 Mar 2015 04:55 PM
your mother is kinacha kinacha
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PawzKat is not online. PawzKat
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 21011
07 Mar 2015 04:56 PM
Nice.
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ninjasquid1 is not online. ninjasquid1
Joined: 26 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 2415
07 Mar 2015 04:57 PM
>your mother is kinacha kinacha

I don't even understand what that just said.

anyway nice story birm i hope you die a heroic death in it
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birm123 is not online. birm123
Joined: 06 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 16942
07 Mar 2015 04:58 PM
purring

its

what is its

is it good or bad

m8
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PurringThunder is not online. PurringThunder
Joined: 23 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 16465
07 Mar 2015 05:01 PM
"which was odd in it's own right"

"several markings across it's body stood "

"Grape Kingdom and assisted it in it's fall."


its.
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birm123 is not online. birm123
Joined: 06 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 16942
07 Mar 2015 05:03 PM
http://www.straferight.com/photopost/data/500/beaker-oh-sh
it.jpg
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Kuhn3y is online. Kuhn3y
Joined: 15 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 788
13 Jun 2015 07:56 AM
Good one barney!
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PhantomEssence is not online. PhantomEssence
Joined: 30 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 3895
13 Jun 2015 10:11 AM
cons:

main protagonist is a minor Mary Sue
the story stops making sense right after the first paragraph
concept is generic as hell

pros:

Detail is okay and descriptive enough.
Narrative is well organized in paragraphs.

neutral (good or bad depending on the PoV)

purple everything
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Pruz is not online. Pruz
Joined: 11 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 31781
13 Jun 2015 10:21 AM
I don't know why I read it, but I loved all of it.
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Pruz is not online. Pruz
Joined: 11 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 31781
13 Jun 2015 10:39 AM
And for some reason I can't track the thread.
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PawzKat is not online. PawzKat
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 21011
13 Jun 2015 10:41 AM
cool cool
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Pruz is not online. Pruz
Joined: 11 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 31781
13 Jun 2015 10:41 AM
I find the story make perfect sense compared to the ah bove con.
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PhantomEssence is not online. PhantomEssence
Joined: 30 Jan 2015
Total Posts: 3895
13 Jun 2015 10:51 AM
@Pruz

You mean my comment?
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Pruz is not online. Pruz
Joined: 11 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 31781
13 Jun 2015 11:06 AM
Yeah. ☹
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