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Re: bored so I wrote a story

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 11:37 AM
it's sort of orion's guard lore, it's meant to be before the creation and during the period that orion was a physical entity, a trailer if you like

A large figure towered above the oceans. Alongside, a smaller but relatively big figure compared to the natives of Earth stood upon the water's surface next to him, conversing.
"The world has changed, Orion."
"On the contrary, the world has not changed, father. The world has stayed the same, Gaia did well to ensure that. It is the inhabitants of the world that have changed. And not for the better."
The sea-lord had required no time for contemplation before his reply."You think not? This planet, Earth, the mortals call it, has become the center of attention for the Gods. We now have acolytes, worshippers - they recognise us for our power and fear us. Are you bitter that you have no temple of your own, son?"
Orion scowled. "I am not petty enough to require a grandeur pile of rocks for mortals to know my power. They will know soon enough, should they incur my wrath - a growing possibility with the intelligence of some of them. I confess, I preferred when the lizards inhabited the land. Disobedience was one of the very few flaws of the lizards; they made excellent playthings."
The entities walked along, their footsteps causing ripples upon the water's complexion.
"I agree."
"I'm glad that you share my opinion, father. One could call such a thing consent."
"Consent?"
"I kept a few."

it's a hint for what you might see in orion's guard!!!

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 11:41 AM
are you people not enthralled!?!?!?

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 11:47 AM
notice me, senpai

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lionbaita is not online. lionbaita
Joined: 15 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 23091
26 Feb 2015 11:49 AM
Fine make me a lion god pls
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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 11:53 AM
i'm only adapting actual mythology

not creating new false stories!!!!

orion really did create a futuristic troop of soldiers to slay his foes!!!!

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lionbaita is not online. lionbaita
Joined: 15 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 23091
26 Feb 2015 11:55 AM
Im gkd of nature they say mother earth but im still. A guy.
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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:03 PM
bomp

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:07 PM
hmph

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JordanRaptor is not online. JordanRaptor
Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 21282
26 Feb 2015 01:08 PM
What a lovely story.
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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:15 PM
i am noticed at last

there will be dinosaurs in orion's guard

but since it's futuristic

they may have battle armor???

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Castlemore is online. Castlemore
Joined: 15 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 14737
26 Feb 2015 01:16 PM
Work on your creativity.

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:17 PM
it's just meant to be poseidon and orion walking on water and chatting

it's not really a story, just a conversation

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Castlemore is online. Castlemore
Joined: 15 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 14737
26 Feb 2015 01:19 PM
You can't honestly call yourself a writer and disregard something as unworthy of description. In everything you do there must be style. Too many quotations and it gets boring. Too many 'said's and it gets boring. You need to enhance it all, show everybody that it is BETTER than "just a conversation." That's what writing is about.

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:23 PM
but it's not meant to be more than a conversation

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Castlemore is online. Castlemore
Joined: 15 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 14737
26 Feb 2015 01:25 PM
Then you clearly need to learn more about writing.

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:27 PM
not really

wanted to write a conversation
wrote a conversation

if i wanted to write a story that had an actual storyline then i'd write one

maybe you need to learn some more

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Castlemore is online. Castlemore
Joined: 15 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 14737
26 Feb 2015 01:32 PM
Are you seriously trying to start a flame war or something? You said 'bored so I wrote a story,' this is significant proof that you are trying to do a story. Stories do not need to be in-depth (albeit it is preferred if they are by most), they need to be enticing and good writing-wise. From what I can tell, you have a good basis on the conversation, you just need to make it more effective to the reader if you want it to be your clan's lore.

Writing properly and creatively is a sole prerequisite to be an actual writer all together. If you know how to be imaginative and shape words into sentences, and those sentences into great sentences, you have mastered the talent of creating good stories. Of course, this isn't the only factor towards an enticing piece of writing, but it's something you'll require to make your story more lively.

I'm not going to start flaming you just as you tried to with me, I'm going to simply offer you that piece of advice. How you go with it I don't really care about, because I've tried to help you enough already. Want to go further? Great! Want to keep it to that tiny bare minimum and let your story not be known as one of the best (or at least a good one)? Not so great, but I'll let you make your own decisions. That's what writing is about, right?

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:35 PM
i'm not trying to start a flame war

the story part in the title was an error on my part, should've put a conversation or something

your advice is good for a story, i'm just saying this isn't meant to be an actual story, just a conversation

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Castlemore is online. Castlemore
Joined: 15 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 14737
26 Feb 2015 01:36 PM
Are you going to put that conversation in your lore, then?

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:39 PM
no, it's not really lore material

i was just bored

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fishbrick is not online. fishbrick
Joined: 02 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 2583
26 Feb 2015 01:40 PM
i was wondering what orion would talk to poseidon about so i wrote the conversation

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