SRHL
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| Joined: 10 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 13484 |
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| 17 Feb 2015 08:51 PM |
0) Get some Arab oil money and move to the UAE
At this point the guide separates into two different branches, and you must pick one and only one. If you want to pick the Domestic Branch, scroll down. If you want to pick the International Branch, scroll further down.
THE DOMESTIC BRANCH
1) Find the best hockey players from the UAE, and select a fraction of them into your team. Some of these guys are good enough for the country's national team which plays in IIHF Division 3 (and sucks in it)
2) The rest of your money will be used on around 5 or 6 foreign players. Most of these should be Finns or Canadians, because they are the most easily lured to random markets with money. Which is why about 1/3 of the best Finnish players opt to play in the KHL while they're good enough for the NHL since they'd actually get paid more
3) Enter the UAE hockey league
4) Immediately feel out of place because only like 2 of the less than 8 other teams have any Emirati players at all
5) Wonder why you did this crap in the first place
6) Remember that it was because of Arab oil money
7) You become a member of the UAE National Team staff if your team has any success
8) Spend the rest of your life bathing in Arab oil money
THE INTERNATIONAL BRANCH
1) Find completely random hockey players from the top countries in hockey. Age and experience doesn't matter, just find anyone and they'll come as long as you have the money. You'll most likely find them in Canada because nearly 2% of the entire country of 30-something million people are registered hockey players. The other two ideal markets to look at are Finland and Russia. Sweden is off-limits because it's illegal to be a homosexual in the UAE
2) If you're really desparate to fill your roster before the season starts, go to the most random ass places to look for players. There's been players from Sudan and Oman in the UAE league, so nothing is impossible
3) Enter the UAE hockey league
4) Immediately feel out of place because nobody on your team is from the Emirates, despite the fact that only like 2 of the less than 8 other teams have any Emirati players at all
5) Wonder why you did this crap in the first place
6) Remember that it was because of Arab oil money
7) You become a member of the UAE National Team staff if your team has any success
8) Spend the rest of your life bathing in Arab oil money |
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| 17 Feb 2015 08:55 PM |
"Sweden is off-limits because it's illegal to be a homosexual in the UAE"
Lost it at this part. |
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| 17 Feb 2015 08:57 PM |
Can I name my team the "Predator Drones"
Taro Says "オイラーズは、完全なたわごとです" |
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SRHL
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| Joined: 10 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 13484 |
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| 17 Feb 2015 08:57 PM |
The funny thing is that there is literally only one Swede in the UAE league, and he's 52 years old.
Meanwhile there are 12 Finns and 18 Russians according to Eliteprospects. |
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SRHL
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| Joined: 10 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 13484 |
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| 18 Feb 2015 01:37 AM |
BONUS: This is your goal song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcuAw77J8_Y |
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