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Re: should I continue with the book? i'm not sure.

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xsuttreex is online. xsuttreex
Joined: 07 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 97
12 Feb 2015 08:11 PM

Chapter One
The Portal




"Shut up," I said for the fifth time to my classmates behind me that were giggling like idiots. I was trying to listen to Mr. Gal's history lecture.
Now, don't call me lame. I just like learning. I mean, what's stupid about wanting to be educated?
I turned back around to face the front of the room, where Mr. Gal was teaching. His bright red polo hung off his skinny frame, his shaggy brown hair almost reaching his hooked nose. He was staring at me.
"Caden, do you have something to say? You seem to find pleasure in speaking. In fact, how about you come up here and explain to the class what the 27th Amendment was."
I stood up nervously. "Yes, sir."
I walked up to the front of the classroom, trying to fixate my stare onto the wall, but my eyes rebelliously glanced around the room at the students as they smirked. Then I remembered that I had read the civics book twice over. I almost laughed.
Yeah. I’m what people call a “nerd.” I enjoy watching science documentaries, learning about engineering and quantum energy, and reading sci-fi books. Some people call me a nerd as if it’s insulting, which makes me laugh. Being a nerd means you’re smart, so I take it as a compliment.
Anyway, I stood at the front of the classroom, confident I could easily explain the subject I had been asked to elucidate. And I did.
When I finished, I walked back to my seat and sat down. Mr. Gal seemed shocked for a few seconds, but then he recovered his wits, closing his half-opened mouth.
"Uh… thank you, Caden. But you should know that I still do not tolerate separate conversations during my lessons.”
"Of course, sir," I said. I didn't dislike Mr. Gal, but he could be very oblivious to the majority of gossiping in his class.
The bell rang, and all of the students rushed through the small doorway and into the main hall. As I walked out, Mr. Gal called me back.
"Yes?" I asked, not sure what he wanted.
"I just thought that you should know you got a perfect score on the last test, plus all three of the bonus questions. You really are exceptional, Caden."
“Thank you, sir, I try my best,” I said. Mr. Gal looked like he had something else to say, but he waved me on and I left.

* * * *

On the walk to my house, I strolled into the nearby Chevron. I usually stop by to grab a coke, just a general pick-me-up before I start my loads of homework (which I enjoy). It was the start of winter, and a light powdering of snow dominated most of the landscape, and frost came with it, clouding the windows of all the buildings in Bonville. There was a loud “ding” as I opened the door.
“Hey, Caden,” said the cashier cheerfully. He held a Coca-Cola out to me. “On the house,” he announced, “for our most loyal customer.”
“Thanks, Joe,” I replied. I walked out of the gas station and wandered down the road home. I glanced over at the side of the road, noticing a homeless man sitting in an alleyway near a dumpster. Out of kindess, I walked over and handed the coke to him.
“Thank ‘ee, boy,” the man said, eagerly snatching the Coca-Cola out of my hands. I could see the gratitude in his eyes as he gulped down the soda.
I started to walk down the driveway to my house, then turned around and walked down Elm Street, continuing past the skating rink and the Burger King my family ate at sometimes.
I walked down the road to my friend Luke’s house, and as I knocked on the plain wooden door, an unusually large clump of snow landed on top of my head. “Oof,” I said, rubbing my head.
Just then, Mrs. Baker opened the door. She looked at me, then shouted over her shoulder, “Luke, your friend Caden’s here! Do you want to come in, honey?” she asked me.
“No thank you, ma’am, I just need something from Luke,” I smiled reassuringly.
As if on cue, Luke walked into the doorway, his mother moving out of the way.
“Luke, I need the results of the last test you took on the bonsai tree we’ve been caring for,” I said impatiently. “We have to write a four-paragraph essay on what’s been happening for the last five weeks in Mrs. Sparling’s class, and it’s due on Monday.”
“OK, OK,” he said. “I’ll go grab ‘em right now.”
He headed upstairs to his room to find the results, and I noticed something strange right below the stairway in my peripheral vision. There was some kind of contraption, white noise emanating from its vibrating form. I wondered about its purpose.
Right then, Luke returned, a sheet in his hand. I mentally noted the question of the box, deciding to ask about it later. “Here,” he said, “the results from the last test.”
“Thanks. I’ll be going now,” I said as I walked out of the door.
I headed to my house, strolling down the street.
I stopped in front of 10542, a modest white-painted wooden house. I slipped the spare key out from under the welcome carpet, opening the door and then returning the key back to its former place.
“I’m home!” I yelled down the hallway.
I walked by the creepy picture of Caden Aufgabe Edgar, my namesake, and his eyes seemed to follow me. I shivered involuntarily, and it had nothing to do with the cool air that had followed me into the house. I never understood why my mom kept it up, since it’d been on that wall collecting dust for years.
“Hey, baby, how was school?” my mom said, walking out of the kitchen.
I could smell chocolate chip cookies, the best scent in the world.
My mom was pretty, with a warm smile that told you you could tell her anything. She had hazel eyes and milky white skin, and her age showed in the gray streaks in her brown hair.
“Fine,” I answered.
“Oh, what’d you score on that civics test?” she asked.
“I made a 115,” I replied.
“Good job, honey. I’m baking cookies,” she told me.
My mom’s cookies are legendary. She’s gotten few offers for the recipe that are under a thousand dollars. She always tells me she bakes them with love, which makes them tasty. Pfft, cheesy much?
I smiled eagerly, knowing I would need to be ready if I were to get the treats before my little brother attacked them.
And speak of the devil, there he was. His light brown hair framed his chubby cheeks, his upturned eyebrows marking him as a troublemaker. He grinned at me mischievously, running past me with something that looked suspiciously like my spelling bee trophy.
I shook my head, knowing there was no point in yelling at him, as he was faster than me and even faster at lying. My mom would never think my little bro could do anything wrong.
I walked down to the bathroom, took my belt off, and when I turned the light on, I freaked out.
There was a blue, smoky, swirling circle floating in midair, right above the toilet.










Chapter Two
The Vale




Do you blame me for screaming? Or, at least, trying to scream. I never really did.
The moment I opened my mouth, an arrow flew through the portal and thudded into the wall beside me. I was paralyzed by shock.
“Don’t take another step,” said a feminine voice from the portal, a bit unnecessarily, since I didn’t really have a choice.
A woman stepped out of the portal, a quiver swung around her shoulder and a bow, already strung with an arrow nocked, in her hands.
“D-don’t… shoot...,” I managed to get out. “W-who are you?” I asked uncertainly.
“I might ask you the same thing,” the creature answered, flipping her long strawberry blond tresses over one shoulder.
I took her in, from her leather boots to her set jaw and beautiful face. Then I noticed something even weirder. She. Had. Pointed. Ears. My jaw dropped. She wasn’t even human. She had a determined expression, one that said Don’t try anything.
“I’m… um… I’m Caden.” I said weakly, not sure if it was a good idea to tell her my name.
“Hello, Caden. I suggest you drop your weapon.”
I was puzzled for a moment, then I realized she meant my belt, which I had taken off to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, that meant that my pants had fallen down also. I hastily pulled my pants up and threw the belt down, my face flushing deep red.
“That’s better. Come with me. If you try to warn anyone, I will shoot an arrow through your skull,” the creature said softly, grabbing my arm and pulling me through the portal. Her skin was smooth. I took one last glance at the bathroom behind me, and considered yelling, but I was pretty sure the elf (at least, I thought it was an elf from all the fantasy stories I’d read) had not made an empty threat about her shooting me.
The moment I stepped into the smoky, blue thing, I was out.

* * * *

“Woah…,” I said as I took everything in dazedly.
I was at the top of a tall green hill, covered in lush grass with colorful flowers dotting the landscape. The blinding sun hurt my eyes, but I couldn’t turn away. I looked down the hill and saw a valley with a river flowing through the middle, with wooden cabins haphazardly all about, smoke swirling out of many of their chimneys. I was bombarded with the smells of pies, barbecue, perfumes, and many other scents. There seemed to be quite a commotion down in the center of the cabins, people rushing back and forth, talking and yelling.
“Market day,” the elf explained.





please tell me what you think. :)
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WaltonFountian is not online. WaltonFountian
Joined: 26 Mar 2014
Total Posts: 625
12 Feb 2015 08:13 PM
l0l didnt read
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xsuttreex is online. xsuttreex
Joined: 07 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 97
12 Feb 2015 09:26 PM
l0l sad face
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TheRealDudeLove is not online. TheRealDudeLove
Joined: 15 Nov 2014
Total Posts: 672
12 Feb 2015 09:27 PM
Lame
needs more Dude Love

Emos are idiots
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Ouendan is not online. Ouendan
Joined: 20 Dec 2013
Total Posts: 30191
12 Feb 2015 09:28 PM
yeah
this is pretty lame
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xsuttreex is online. xsuttreex
Joined: 07 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 97
12 Feb 2015 09:30 PM
i cri evry tiem :c

btw i actually thought the same thing about it, and wanted to make a book about something else, just wanted to see if people thought that too. thanks for your criticism. :)
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VedatPasha is not online. VedatPasha
Joined: 20 Dec 2014
Total Posts: 7007
12 Feb 2015 09:45 PM
I like it. Do you have any more?
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fuzet is not online. fuzet
Joined: 20 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 404
12 Feb 2015 09:46 PM
Wait! -sends tinfoil nukes to the book
my terrosim has reached dis thred!
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xsuttreex is online. xsuttreex
Joined: 07 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 97
12 Feb 2015 10:46 PM
well, i started on a diff. book, but deleted it when i lost interest in it. thanks, by the way! :)
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