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Re: TheShockingRP

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RoctorDoctor is not online. RoctorDoctor
Joined: 10 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 146
27 Jan 2015 04:07 PM
Char Creator:
http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=154752270

The year is 2019
The month is December.
The nukes hit last month...
LORE:
The year is 2019, the month is December. And last month nukes hit,
People are still looking for food and shelter, as raidation still leaks outside...
All tunnels and vaults have been closed off too the outside. Bandits, and peacekeepers roam the area. A war has struck out, the council of the peacekeepers have struck war on bandits, as they've been stealing food and kidnapping. No one knows who nukes, except 'Swat, Vrisk' As he was part of it.

SIDES:
It's time too take sides and after a year, IRL or around 6 months at the least chose your side! The side with the most players will make a difference in the future in the second one, which will take place in the future.

RULES:

No flamming

No mutants, zombies.

No video game references.

No godmodding.

Other basic RP rules.

MAKE SURE TOO VISIT THE CHAR CREATOR! POST YOUR CHAR ON THAT FOURM NOT THIS ONE.



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Renmoar is not online. Renmoar
Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 197
27 Jan 2015 04:16 PM
May I offer my critique?
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RoctorDoctor is not online. RoctorDoctor
Joined: 10 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 146
27 Jan 2015 04:27 PM
I do not care, but give some helpful advice also please. This is my first forum on the RP.
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Renmoar is not online. Renmoar
Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 197
27 Jan 2015 04:36 PM
Sure.

First of all, the concept's alright. No problems there. However, be aware that post-apocalyptic is one of the most used genres here on RP- not that it's a bad thing.

The only problem I have is not enough is explained. The Lore explained a little bit, but really just left me with a lot more questions. In your introduction, here's a tip- always cover all the bases. What I mean by that is that you need to tell them when the RP is taking place (time), where it is taking place (setting), background information, and major characters. You got the time covered and a bit of the major characters, but not much else.

Make sure to elaborate more. I'm just left with these questions that stick out at me. What are Vaults? (I've played all the Fallouts, but I'm not sure everyone else has). Who are the Council of Peacekeepers? Where are they based? Who is Swat, Vrisk? Is he a key figure in the story?

Always assume, when you're writing an introduction, that the reader has no prior knowledge. They don't know what Vaults are. They don't know who the Council of Peacekeepers are. They don't know who Swat, Vrisk is.

Also, two quick things:
1) People create character sheets and post them on the main thread, not on a separate thread. It's just a common rule most RPs here follow.

2) Do one last spelling check before you post. The only word you messed up was "radiation", but otherwise it's pretty good.

For a new RPer's first roleplay, I'd say not bad. Just make sure to keep this advice in mind.
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RoctorDoctor is not online. RoctorDoctor
Joined: 10 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 146
27 Jan 2015 07:42 PM
Im not a new RP'er im just new too RPing on the forum.
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