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Re: A Fertile Imagination [RP]
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| 07 Jan 2015 05:10 AM |
My Note: This was supposed to be a small project, so don't be surprised at how short it is. _________________________________________________________________________
A Fertile Imagination
I was walking through the street- well, the passageway, mind you, during sunset. It was of a width of 5 meters or so. I saw some street boys fighting and insulting each other. I found it sad, to be honest. When I was just a wee toddler, I used to play with blocks. Funny thing is, whenever I got a pack of say.. 32 blocks. I'd put them back in the box in the exact same way I got 'em (more or less) and they wouldn't fit. My mom, who was quite weird- but that's a story for another day- would count them and find out there are 42 blocks. Perhaps you're thinking: "Well, maybe you had another pack, one of 10." Hell no, I only had the one. Then sometimes, when I got a little older, I'd get the newest plastic rifle or the newest game console, though my parents never got those things for me. As I grew up, that.. "habit" faded. I'm coming back to my senses now. I've passed the boys and probably my house. The upside was? I passed my new neighbour, and yes, it was a female. A light smile crossed her lips, as one did mine. I had passed her many times the past few days. I took a few steps backwards and found my "beloved" house. I entered, took a shower, before changing into what I call home clothes so I don't say boxers and a shirt, and ordering a pizza. I settled down in front of the TV, however, I saw a motion in the window glass a while later. It was her, the new neighbour, urging me to come.
The doorbell rang. I rushed to it, took the pizza and threw the money in the delivery man's face. I set down the pizza, ate a slice, then out on some clothes. Something about her face told me it was important. I ran to the opposite side and to my right was a wall and a staircase just next to it. I took it. The apartment building was wuite old, mind you. The wall's paint job was scraped off in some parts. I reached the top and knocked on her door. She grabbed my hand and pulled me/DRAGGED me to the window out looking the small side street. "We know what you are now, so do they." She said. Before I could ask, she continued. "See that buff man down there?" I nodded yes. "He's not human." "..What?" was the only thing I could stutter out. She groaned in annoyance. "Look, just do this: jump out the window, and imagine as hard as you can you won't die-" "What?!" "At the same time, imagine you have a gun and shoot him." I widened my eyes. "What are you-" She had a pleading look in her eyes. Her features were vaguely Arab. She had slightly tanned skin. My mind started working. I remembered my childhood. Her voice brought me back to reality. "Please, just do it. Once you are done, run North. You'll know where to go." I couldn't believe what I was doing. I got on the window and jumped. My eyes closed, and I placed my hand in a gun holding position, hoping one would pop up in my hand. The world was going slowly. I was making gun noises in my head, cause I might as well, right? I've gone nuts. Pow! Pow! Pow! Everything quickly went back to normal motion as my back touched the ground. I opened my eyes: I found myself on the ground, the buff as well. A gun was in my hand. However, I blinked, and both dissapeared. I stood up and noticed the cardinal directions etched on the pavement. And so I ran North.
Hello! I'm Lee Tulun, narrator of the above message. You may want to know what happened. I found my "neighbour", Rashida, once again a few days later. Well, she found me, knocked out, after a battle with some monsters. It shall be explained. Anyway- this letter has been sent to exact lockers or desks in exact schools in exact locations around the world. By the time you'll be reading these words in ink, you'll probably be hiding from something under your desk, or seeing something approaching you. That means they know. I suggest you imagine a weapon and run North. You'll be found by us.
After the battle, and perhaps your victory- fill this form:
Name:
Gender:
Age:
Nationality:
Appearance-
Clothing:
Physical:
Preferred Weaponry:
Biography:
Please read these rules:
-Don't godmod, don't meta-game
-Don't be a Mary Sue/Gary Stue
-Romance and cursing at your own risk
-Admitting only under age of 25
-Have fun with this cursed life.
Best of luck,
Lee T.
Name: Lee Tulun Gender: Male Age: 27 Nationality: Egyptian Appearance- Clothing: A silver chain with the Egyptian Ankh on it, a grey TARDIS shirt, with a black leather jacket on it, ripped jeans and winter boots. Physical: I have tanned skin, soft black hair, and hazel eyes. I am of slight muscular build. Preferred Weaponry: I prefer the revolver (and its newer twin) which I both named: Maalik and Rosier. Biography: I suppose you know this.
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:13 AM |
((Bump?))
3000 divised by 1000 equals 3. A triangle is composed of 3 sides. I am Dr. Illuminati Boss. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:21 AM |
Five isues
A: A lot of the details are quite pointless. Why tell us the width of the passageway? Or how weird your mother was. That has nothing to do with the story.
B: There is NO POSSIBLE WAY AT ALL WHATSOEVER THAT ANY SANE MAN WOULD JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW AND PRETEND TO SHOT A MAN AT THE URGING OF A NEW NEIGHBOR. I DEMAND YOU ADD "IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE" INTO YOUR CHARACTERS BIOGRAPHY.
C: . "I found my "neighbour", Rashida, once again a few days later. Well, she found me, knocked out, after a battle with some monsters. It shall be explained."
Just...What...? No. Explain it now. That is ridiculous.
D: So...What is this even about? This is basically a giant character bio for Lee.
E: "Run North" is an incredibly vague bit of advice. There are a lot of areas "North"
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:25 AM |
well yeah hes probably in a mental asylum this was based on a dream i had which i tried to turn into a roleplay
3000 divised by 1000 equals 3. A triangle is composed of 3 sides. I am Dr. Illuminati Boss. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:28 AM |
well yeah hes probably in a mental asylum this was based on a dream i had which i tried to turn into a roleplay
Most mental patients don't live in regular houses outside of the asylum. And if he is insane nothing he does beforehand would cause me to think that.
And turning a dream into a story is a fine idea, just look at Frankenstein. But it's important you revise it so the story makes coherent sense. This really just looks like a confusing mess. All I can piece together is that this is some world where people can imagine weapons and they'll pop into existence. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:33 AM |
Five isues
A: A lot of the details are quite pointless. Why tell us the width of the passageway? Or how weird your mother was. That has nothing to do with the story.
B: There is NO POSSIBLE WAY AT ALL WHATSOEVER THAT ANY SANE MAN WOULD JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW AND PRETEND TO SHOT A MAN AT THE URGING OF A NEW NEIGHBOR. I DEMAND YOU ADD "IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE" INTO YOUR CHARACTERS BIOGRAPHY.
C: . "I found my "neighbour", Rashida, once again a few days later. Well, she found me, knocked out, after a battle with some monsters. It shall be explained."
Just...What...? No. Explain it now. That is ridiculous.
D: So...What is this even about? This is basically a giant character bio for Lee.
E: "Run North" is an incredibly vague bit of advice. There are a lot of areas "North"
THERE
A Fertile Imagination
I was walking through the street- well, the passageway, mind you, during sunset. It was of a width of 5 meters or so. I saw some street boys fighting and insulting each other. I found it sad, to be honest. When I was just a wee toddler, I used to play with blocks. Funny thing is, whenever I got a pack of say.. 32 blocks. I'd put them back in the box in the exact same way I got 'em (more or less) and they wouldn't fit. My mom would count them and find out there are 42 blocks. Perhaps you're thinking: "Well, maybe you had another pack, one of 10." Hell no, I only had the one. Then sometimes, when I got a little older, I'd get the newest plastic rifle or the newest game console, though my parents never got those things for me. As I grew up, that.. "habit" faded. I'm coming back to my senses now. I've passed the boys and probably my house. The upside was? I passed my new neighbour, and yes, it was a female. A light smile crossed her lips, as one did mine. I had passed her many times the past few days. I took a few steps backwards and found my "beloved" house. I entered, took a shower, before changing into what I call home clothes so I don't say boxers and a shirt, and ordering a pizza. I settled down in front of the TV, however, I saw a motion in the window glass a while later. It was her, the new neighbour, urging me to come.
The doorbell rang. I rushed to it, took the pizza and threw the money in the delivery man's face. I set down the pizza, ate a slice, then out on some clothes. Something about her face told me it was important. I ran to the opposite side and to my right was a wall and a staircase just next to it. I took it. The apartment building was wuite old, mind you. The wall's paint job was scraped off in some parts. I reached the top and knocked on her door. She grabbed my hand and pulled me/DRAGGED me to the window out looking the small side street. "We know what you are now, so do they." She said. Before I could ask, she continued. "See that buff man down there?" I nodded yes. "He's not human." "..What?" was the only thing I could stutter out. She groaned in annoyance. "Look, just do this: jump out the window, and imagine as hard as you can you won't die-" "What?!" "At the same time, imagine you have a gun and shoot him." I widened my eyes. "What are you-" She had a pleading look in her eyes. Her features were vaguely Arab. She had slightly tanned skin. My mind started working. I remembered my childhood. Her voice brought me back to reality. "Please, just do it. Once you are done, run North. You'll know where to go." I couldn't believe what I was doing. I got on the window and looked, of course, she pushed me. My eyes closed, and I placed my hand in a gun holding position, hoping one would pop up in my hand. The world was going slowly. I was making gun noises in my head, cause I might as well, right? I've gone nuts. Pow! Pow! Pow! Everything quickly went back to normal motion as my back touched the ground. I opened my eyes: I found myself on the ground, the buff as well. A gun was in my hand. However, I blinked, and both dissapeared. I stood up and noticed the cardinal directions etched on the pavement. And so I ran North. I didn't want to, but a large group of people were coming.
Hello! I'm Lee Tulun, narrator of the above message. You may want to know what happened. I found my "neighbour", Rashida, once again a few days later. Well, she found me, knocked out, after a battle with some monsters. She explained this power as "Phantasiae Virtute". It is drained easily for a new student of the gift. Anyway- this letter has been sent to exact lockers or desks in exact schools in exact locations around the world. By the time you'll be reading these words in ink, you'll probably be hiding from something under your desk, or seeing something approaching you. That means they know. I suggest you imagine a weapon and run to your nearest art studio. You'll be found by us.
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:37 AM |
| But...Almost all of my problems are still in the story. Pointless descriptions, insane protagonist, you substituted "Run North" with another, even greater plot hole (Nearest art studio...? Eh?) And (sort of) explained the whole "monster thing" Though brought up even more questions that are unanswered. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:40 AM |
I believe Art Studio would return to Art, which depends on creativity. Creativity, I suppose, relates to imagination. To be able to do the *magic imagination pop-out trick*, you need a fertile imagination, thus the title of the roleplay.
and crap i forgot to explain the monsters |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:43 AM |
Hello! I'm Lee Tulun, narrator of the above message. You may want to know what happened. I found my "neighbour", Rashida, once again a few days later. Well, she found me, knocked out, after a battle with some monsters. She explained this power as "Phantasiae Virtute". It is drained easily for a new student of the gift, and apparently, someone had sent imaginary monsters. How delightful, good to know I was being warmly welcomed. Anyway- this letter has been sent to exact lockers or desks in exact schools in exact locations around the world. By the time you'll be reading these words in ink, you'll probably be hiding from something under your desk, or seeing something approaching you. That means they know. I suggest you imagine a weapon and run to your nearest art studio. You'll be found by us. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:44 AM |
Yes. But how do these people get to the art studios to meet the people these letters have been sent to? You mentioned multiple schools "around the world."
AND I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE PLOT IS! The point of the opening post is to explain that to the viewer. Explain the conflict, setting, what exactly is going to happen in the roleplay. We don't need Mr insane window jumpers life story. We need the plot of the RP. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:49 AM |
The things are supposed to be explained in the story. For example, the letters thing is for like, branches.
ex: Bob and Billy are both gifted. Bob and Billy both live in America. They go to the art studio. They are picked up and taken to a place similar to an institute where they are trained and are told everything. This place is the American Branch for the ones with these powers.
same with any other country |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:51 AM |
| What? This is a magic academy RP? See, THAT is what you put into the main post. Important information like. Don't force the viewers to enter a thorough investigation just to uncover the basic plot. |
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| 10 Jan 2015 11:57 AM |
| i should probably tweak the last part a bit so it sounds like an admittance letter, where it explains what happened after and why they have this message |
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