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| 22 Nov 2014 05:53 AM |
In this fan made story of mine.
If you enjoy then tell me and I will make a part 2 for this. Like I said this is fan made, not the actual back story of how the anamatronics rebeled.
-This story takes place before the animatronics were redesigned and leads up to them being redesigned.-
-At Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Joint during the day, it is almost time for closing-
Waitress: -Sigh- These kids leave a mess, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr -Slams a chair on a table-
-The Waitress Yells in frustration as she cleans the tables and floors-
Waitress: Don't we have a janitor???!!!! I mean come on, why do I have to clean the floors too????!!!
-The Waitress Finishes cleaning the floors and tables-
Waitress: Finally I can go home...
-The Waitress opens the entrance door to the Pizza Joint, walks out, and locks the place up-
-2 hours pass after the Waitress Left the building-
-The animatronics start to move-
Freddy Fazbear: I think the cost is clear -Steps off of stage-
-The others step off the stage as well,except for chica-
Bonnie The Bunny: Chica... the cost is clear...
-Chica still doesn't move-
Bonnie The Bunny: Chica!!!!!!
Chica The Duck: It is? Oh ok....
Freddy Fazbear: Seriously Chica, when you see us step off the stage it's pretty obvious its all clear.
Chica The Duck: Ok whatever Freddy...
Bonnie The Bunny: Hey, don't you speak to Freddy like that! He is the boss around here, that's why this place is called "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza" not Chica is the boss around here place!
Chica The Duck: Why don't they just disassemble you Bonnie?
Freddy Fazbear: Chica you better watch your language, before I go Grizzly bear on you!
???: Enough!!!!
-Chica, Bonnie, and Freddy both turn around to a angry Foxy-
Foxy The Fox: That's enough out of all of you, we are family and don't you forget it! We may have our disagreements but we need to stick together.
-Chica,Bonnie, and Freddy nod in agreement-
Foxy The Fox: Alright, now that we've made up, don't you think it's about time to leave this dump?
-Simultaneously, Freddy's, Chica's, And Bonnie's mouth drop-
Freddy Fazbear: Foxy???
Foxy The Fox: Yes?
Freddy Fazbear: Did you short circuit??
Foxy The Fox: No why?
Freddy Fazbear: Because you said the craziest thing I have ever heard.
Foxy The Fox: I'm serious
Freddy Fazbear: Guys I think Foxy and I need to speak in private.
Bonnie: Are you going to rough him up Freddy?
Chica: Yeah, are you?
-Freddy Has no response-
Freddy Fazbear: Let's go Foxy
Bonnie: Wait Freddy, I have something important to ask you.
Freddy Fazbear: What?
Bonnie: Isn't the security guard here?
Foxy The Fox: No..... he took a break and never came back.
Chica: Does the creator know?
Foxy The Fox: Yes, but he decided to leave us alone.. because today is one of those test days to see if we are capable of being by our-
-Foxy gets cut off-
Freddy Fazbear: Enough Foxy don't tell them anymore, now let us talk in the security room.
-Foxy and Freddy leave the stage room and go to the security room-
End Of Part 1
To Be continued...
(Let me know if you want a part 2)
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| 22 Nov 2014 05:55 AM |
Messed up at "not the actual back story of how the anamatronics rebeled."
I changed the story, I meant to say this story is a fan made story of how the anamatronics rebeled
Sorry Just ignore that part.
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| 22 Nov 2014 05:57 AM |
| When I heard "Animatronics" I instantly thought of Freddy and pals. |
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| 22 Nov 2014 06:03 AM |
Ah I forgot
Stage 1 of criticism:
Chica is a chicken and foxy is a pirate
Stage 2: Repeatness
(Let me know if you want stage 3) |
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| 22 Nov 2014 06:06 AM |
I want stage three to know where I went wrong.
And what repeatness? What was repeated |
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| 22 Nov 2014 08:58 AM |
I...what? This is TOTALLY just, I don't know.
I realize this is fan-made, but there are many story mistakes, plus grammatical errors. There's not much plot, even if you know the topic. Your story isn't story worthy. Freddy and his gang are programmed to wander to find YOU. They don't have that kind of AI (artificial intelligence). You left out many story details.
If you're gonna make a fan-fiction, at least make it accurate to the real thing? |
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| 22 Nov 2014 08:59 AM |
| And why is this on the roleplay forums? |
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Pruz
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| Joined: 11 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 31781 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:02 AM |
Actually, the "You" are not there. There is no place to get out either.
I'm loving this story type dealio so far! Keep it up. |
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Pruz
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| Joined: 11 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 31781 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:03 AM |
| ... and it's on the Roleplay forums because it is a story. |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:12 AM |
What I mean is that they are triggered to move by you being there.
And roleplays I thought other people can take part in. |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:23 AM |
| Mistakes that do need to be cleared up, but I did enjoy the story and would like to continue reading it. |
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Pruz
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| Joined: 11 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 31781 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:25 AM |
| Actually, they move at 12:00 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:27 AM |
| They are able to move at 12am, and are triggered to go to you be your presence... |
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Pruz
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| Joined: 11 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 31781 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:57 AM |
| But how would they know you're there? |
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Pruz
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| Joined: 11 Nov 2009 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 09:59 AM |
Besides, they're not allowed to move during the day.
So they move at night. |
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| 22 Nov 2014 10:03 AM |
Well, they were supposed to be set on some free roaming mode during the day, but then there was the Bite of '87, but I'm sure you know that story.
They are now set on some free roaming mode every night, something about there servers locking up if turned off for too long. |
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brigond
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| Joined: 16 Sep 2012 |
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| 22 Nov 2014 11:23 AM |
@Bunn
Yes, stories belong here.
Surely you jest. |
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| 22 Nov 2014 11:31 AM |
Alright. :D
Don't mind that. .3. |
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