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[The Grimhearted] Chapter One: The Witch Prince.

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Dmitrisaurus is not online. Dmitrisaurus
Joined: 26 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 10
06 Oct 2014 02:35 PM
A Tall, slender woman walks down the alleyway. It's night-time, a time where most demons come out of hiding, and attack on the innocent. A Long, Skinny creature wearing a broken porcelain mask and Gauntlets with blades at the fingertips hides in the shadows, ready to eat and attack it's prey. The creature would licks it mask, and the sound caught the attention of the woman. The woman would look where the sound came from, And the demon would turn its head upside down, making a cracking noise. The woman looks frightened,and about to run away, The demon's head would turn back to normal, And it would shove the blades through her chest. The woman falled down at the ground, Lifeless, Then her soul would appear. The demon would reach for her soul, And it would drop it down his throat, sliding down. The demon would crunch her soul up. Another woman sighted the killing, And she ran away. The demon would run after her, But then, A Boy appeared right behind the Demon. The boy would wear a Purple Open hoodie with a White shirt that had a Blue Pac-man ghost on it, He would also wear glasses, Black Jeans, And purple high top sneakers. The boy would say "Hello there, I Am Yukihiro Phantomfire, And I can see that you are disturbing the balance of life, So I Am here to lend your soul to the Shinigami, So I Will win, win, and win some more!" He'd give off a wide and goofy grin, And the Demon would lick its lips. Yukihiro would take out a small cross, mutter some witch language under it, and the cross would turn into a battle-axe. The demon slashed at Yukihiro, But he blocked the attack with his battle-axe, He slash the demon in the stomache, and the demon would hiss. The boy hopped onto a roof of a building, waiting for the demon to get up again. The demon would then get back on it's feet, Then jump to Yukihiro. Yukihiro would kick him in the stomache, Sending him to the other side of the roof. 6 Purple flames appear on Yukihiro's side, He'd then whisper more witch language, And the flames then fly to the Demon, Setting him on fire. The demon would then scream in agony, It would then charge at Yukihiro. Yukihiro would whisper more witch language under his breath, And his Battle axe blades would then grow larger and glimmer all colors of the rainbow, He'd charge at the Demon, Slicing it in half, The demon would then evaporate into black mist. His dry and insanity dipped soul appears. A Portal with skulls in it pulls the soul into it, And the portal closes. Yukihiro said "Do not mess with a Witch Prince." And he would walk away.
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NOTE: I MIGHT Make a Grimhearted Roleplay, But I Don't know yet.
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MichaelTraceur is not online. MichaelTraceur
Joined: 26 Jan 2013
Total Posts: 6
06 Oct 2014 04:03 PM
So far so good.




A side note from one of my sponsors, Pete Wentz: "OH NO, WE WON'T GO, WE DON'T KNOW WHEN TO QUIT OH NO!"
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VladOfTheAlpacas is not online. VladOfTheAlpacas
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 376
06 Oct 2014 04:13 PM
>japanese firstname for the sake of having japanese firstname
>a warrior cats OC for a surname
>japanese-sounding organization name for the sake of having a japanese-sounding organization
>capitalization after every comma
>capitalizing adjectives that aren't at the start of a sentence
>witch literally means woman who practices magic, meaning a "witch prince" is impossible
>this is a butchered version of every supernatural action series ever made

those are only some of the problems i noticed
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Dmitrisaurus is not online. Dmitrisaurus
Joined: 26 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 10
06 Oct 2014 04:33 PM
I Don't watch Supernatural, Nor read Warriors. Thank you for pointing out the problems, Though!
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3Dwolf11 is not online. 3Dwolf11
Joined: 30 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5904
06 Oct 2014 04:49 PM
>japanese firstname for the sake of having japanese firstname
>a warrior cats OC for a surname
>japanese-sounding organization name for the sake of having a japanese-sounding organization
>capitalization after every comma
>capitalizing adjectives that aren't at the start of a sentence
>witch literally means woman who practices magic, meaning a "witch prince" is impossible
>this is a butchered version of every supernatural action series ever made


[2]

just to note, a male 'witch' is a warlock
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Dmitrisaurus is not online. Dmitrisaurus
Joined: 26 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 10
06 Oct 2014 04:51 PM
Ok, Thanks!
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3Dwolf11 is not online. 3Dwolf11
Joined: 30 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5904
06 Oct 2014 04:55 PM
Also for future referencing, use paragraphs more. It's unappealing for a reader to read a Berlin wall, if you know what I mean.
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Dmitrisaurus is not online. Dmitrisaurus
Joined: 26 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 10
06 Oct 2014 05:00 PM
Oh, Alright!
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phoniex is not online. phoniex
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Total Posts: 34985
06 Oct 2014 06:28 PM
Text walls can kill.

Save lives, use the Return key.

Sponsored by the Anti-Text Wall foundation.

~Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors!~
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FearMe2002 is not online. FearMe2002
Joined: 21 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 3
12 Oct 2014 02:07 PM
I love it so far but seriously use paragraphs. It hurt my eyes ;_;
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Dmitrisaurus is not online. Dmitrisaurus
Joined: 26 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 10
12 Oct 2014 06:37 PM
Ok!
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