generic image
Processing...
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
  • Search in Players
  • Search in Games
  • Search in Catalog
  • Search in Groups
  • Search in Library
  • Log In
  • Sign Up
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
   
ROBLOX Forum » Club Houses » Let's Make a Deal
Home Search
 

Re: How to beat a Christian Child

Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
billiondollarsmile98 is not online. billiondollarsmile98
Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 889
07 Sep 2014 10:00 PM
1. To begin with, a Christian parent must understand that a child will never learn a lesson unless they are beaten on their naked bottoms until the imprint of the rugged cross is plainly visible on both cheeks. (Proverbs 23:13-14) A clothed bottom is less humiliating and less painful for the wicked child. In fact, the child may feel no pain at all if they are cunning enough to sin while wearing heavy jeans or khaki pants. A youngster who can sit comfortably after a Godly beating will think they have outsmarted you and tend to repeat their misdeed and feel a license to move on to more hardcore sins, like rap and blasphemy. If a child is able to sit down within three days without ointment or a bag of frozen vegetables after their punishment, you have failed as a Christian parent. A good spanking should be traumatic and something the child will remember well into adulthood.

2. Use a heavy object, a ruler is too light, a belt-buckle may cause bleeding and suspicion from liberal democrat schoolteachers if you are careless enough to allow your child to attend a public school. We suggest a heavy King James 1611 authentic cowhide leather bound Bible.

3. Find a comfortable place to sit and ask your child to come over and have a seat on your lap. Act as if there is nothing amiss. We suggest that you smile or wink at your child. If it is your daughter, say "Come on over here and sit on daddy's lap, sweet heart. I want to talk to my little angel for a minute." If it is your son, we suggest you say, "Hey there, sonny - how's Dad's little quarterback? Come on over here and sit on my lap for a minute and let's talk about Jesus."

4. As soon as you have the child on your lap, clench his hands so that he cannot move. Immediately flip the child over so that his stomach is across your knees. If the child struggles, give him a good whack across the back of his head and tell him to shut up. Whisper in his ear, "You're going to get a whole lot worse from Jesus, you rebellious, hateful, little sissy!"

5. This is the point where the child may act like a little demon and start screaming. Be prepared for this wicked outburst. Have an athletic sock in your back pocket and cram it into the child's mouth. Stuff it back until you get to the stripes at the top of the socks. Don't worry: if the child is smart enough to remember to breath through their nose, they won't suffocate.

6. Ready your Bible, and lift it high above your head with one hand. Keep the child secure with your free hand. Landover Baptist Creation Scientists agree that the most effective way of securing the child for beating is to clench the back of his neck like a turkey. If they are still struggling, we suggest you raise your voice and say something like, "I'll give you something to squirm over, you little devil!"

7. Pull down their pants and underwear to reveal their pink little hiney. May sure both cheeks are fully exposed.

8. To ensure that the child is aware of their misdeed, and they never forget it, it is often best to smack the child across the bottom with the Bible as you speak out their misdeed. Each word would be one healthy whack across their naked hind quarters. For example: "YOU" [WHACK!] "DIDN'T" [WHACK!] "EAT" [WHACK] "YOUR" [WHACK] "BRUSSEL" [WHACK] "SPROUTS" [WHACK!] "YOU" [WHACK!] "LITTLE" [WHACK!] "DEMON!" [WACK!] and finishing off with a lighter whack, "did" [whack!] "you?" [whack!]

9. Rebuke the child in the sweet name of Jesus, toss them aside like a used Kleenex and let them roll to the floor to contemplate their sinful nature.

10. After about an hour, when the child has calmed down, have him sit on your lap again and read him some scripture verses about Hell (We recommend, Matthew 13:41-42) from the same Bible you used to beat him with. Let the child know that the punishment he received today is nothing compared to the eternal punishment of Hell where Jesus burns and cooks all the bad little boys and girls who don't do what their daddy tells them.
Report Abuse
CodedBacon is not online. CodedBacon
Joined: 02 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 3483
07 Sep 2014 10:01 PM
Go to global chat
Report Abuse
Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
Page 1 of 1
 
 
ROBLOX Forum » Club Houses » Let's Make a Deal
   
 
   
  • About Us
  • Jobs
  • Blog
  • Parents
  • Help
  • Terms
  • Privacy

©2017 Roblox Corporation. Roblox, the Roblox logo, Robux, Bloxy, and Powering Imagination are among our registered and unregistered trademarks in the U.S. and other countries.



Progress
Starting Roblox...
Connecting to Players...
R R

Roblox is now loading. Get ready to play!

R R

You're moments away from getting into the game!

Click here for help

Check Remember my choice and click Launch Application in the dialog box above to join games faster in the future!

Gameplay sponsored by:
Loading 0% - Starting game...
Get more with Builders Club! Join Builders Club
Choose Your Avatar
I have an account
generic image