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Re: Is this good?

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EmpressSolar is not online. EmpressSolar
Joined: 13 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 516
04 Sep 2014 09:02 PM
This is my 8th grade essay about the Civil War. Please comment constructive criticism.

The most peaceful and effective approach to the Civil war would have been to help the southerners recuperate from the war, by just leaving the south with charred land and dead bodies was not the best way for the north to leave the south even if they disagreed. The north decided instead to create the inability for any man participating in the Civil war on the Side of the South to not be able to vote, along with voiding all bonds and transactions made to the government. This act left people broke and without the ability to vote for their own president. To top it all off, brothers, sons, father, friends and family were killed fighting in the war. Southerners were left without hope, without family, and without money. If the North had spent time and money into helping the south recuperate, Lincoln might not have died the way he did. Even if the slaves were gone; and the bonds hadn’t been invalid they would have the money to pay for workers to work with a wage. In all, I believe that the reunification could’ve been less harsh on the south, because they did lose everything they owned.
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TrippinInAPaperHeart is not online. TrippinInAPaperHeart
Joined: 15 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 1186
04 Sep 2014 09:04 PM
lol middle schooler

"Alright, hold tight, I'm a highway star" - AhhTree, tree dayer
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EmpressSolar is not online. EmpressSolar
Joined: 13 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 516
04 Sep 2014 09:05 PM
I take high school classes, but not history. I take High school Spanish, math and science but not history.
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EmpressSolar is not online. EmpressSolar
Joined: 13 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 516
04 Sep 2014 09:13 PM
I need comments about this, I have a 120% and I don't want to lose it.
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TheOfficialDerpyTime is not online. TheOfficialDerpyTime
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 28345
04 Sep 2014 09:14 PM
Ehh...

7/10.
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EmpressSolar is not online. EmpressSolar
Joined: 13 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 516
04 Sep 2014 09:16 PM
Anything I can do to fix it?
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SteamBlitz is not online. SteamBlitz
Joined: 31 May 2014
Total Posts: 3610
04 Sep 2014 09:17 PM
you think that is alot eh?

want my world war two essay i wrote in 30 min?

[ HUE INTENSIFIES ]
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EmpressSolar is not online. EmpressSolar
Joined: 13 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 516
04 Sep 2014 09:20 PM
No, I know its not a lot. For some reason I was not able to figure out how the reunification could have been smoother. I've written many essays that are multiple pages under 30 minutes.
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iiRainbowUnicornn is not online. iiRainbowUnicornn
Joined: 19 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 316
04 Sep 2014 09:21 PM
tl;dr
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Lumez is not online. Lumez
Joined: 13 May 2011
Total Posts: 15412
04 Sep 2014 09:21 PM
lol kid scrub noob here
it sucks
get out newbag
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AX360 is not online. AX360
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 13603
04 Sep 2014 09:23 PM
1 paragraph is not an essay.
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iiRainbowUnicornn is not online. iiRainbowUnicornn
Joined: 19 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 316
04 Sep 2014 09:24 PM
@AX Agreed.
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EmpressSolar is not online. EmpressSolar
Joined: 13 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 516
04 Sep 2014 09:27 PM
I know its technically not an essay, but thats what my teacher said it was. I was asking for comments on how to improve it. This is why i dislike OT sometimes -.-
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Lumez is not online. Lumez
Joined: 13 May 2011
Total Posts: 15412
04 Sep 2014 09:36 PM
^

If anything, you'd get the best results from ATR. They're helpful.
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