generic image
Processing...
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
  • Search in Players
  • Search in Games
  • Search in Catalog
  • Search in Groups
  • Search in Library
  • Log In
  • Sign Up
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
   
ROBLOX Forum » Ro-Sports
Home Search
 

Re: help me with my essay

Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
nintendo566 is not online. nintendo566
Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 21932
03 Sep 2014 04:04 PM
Of all of the books I have read, movies I have watched there is one that comes to mind as my favorite. My favorite movie is Moneyball, starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. I enjoy this movie very much because as much as I love playing baseball this movie sparked my interest as I look to go into sports management in my career. I am also very interested in watching baseball it is one of my biggest hobbies. If you found me every night you are bound to find me watching a baseball game or a show about baseball and the MLB.
Moneyball is a movie about how the Oakland Athletics turned there team from being a very bad team, to a playoff team with little money. Unlike teams like the New York Yankees, Oakland does not have there payroll in the 100 millions. They only have about 52 million. Obviously the player will want to sign to the team that offers the player more money. Oakland needed to analyze players and find the most underrated players, which other teams thought had little value. They ended up using many different statistics to determine whom to sign. In the end, they made the playoffs over the teams with a much higher pay roll. This shows that money doesn’t hold you back from achieving your goals despite the team being knocked out in the first round.
I am very interested in the way the game is managed, the front office situations. In the future I would like to be a general manager, a person who is in charge of the players’ contracts, trading, and the overall management of the team. Since this movie was all about the general manager position, and molding a winning team with the resources you are given. Moneyball is also an award-winning book, but I have only watched the movie. I enjoyed the movie,” Moneyball” very much and it definitely peaked my interests.


i just finished now review it
Report Abuse
nintendo566 is not online. nintendo566
Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 21932
03 Sep 2014 04:05 PM
it is not actually formated like that
Report Abuse
XJeffXNeroXPPV1 is not online. XJeffXNeroXPPV1
Joined: 03 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 11250
03 Sep 2014 04:06 PM
In my opinion, I think its good.
Report Abuse
nintendo566 is not online. nintendo566
Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 21932
03 Sep 2014 04:06 PM
ty
Report Abuse
VezziePineapple is not online. VezziePineapple
Joined: 31 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 2175
03 Sep 2014 04:08 PM
10/10 essay

i love it
Report Abuse
DeAngeloWilliams34 is not online. DeAngeloWilliams34
Joined: 03 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 9568
03 Sep 2014 04:08 PM
IT SUCKS DO IT OVER AGAIN
Report Abuse
bookface6 is not online. bookface6
Joined: 24 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 18470
03 Sep 2014 04:09 PM
10/10
Report Abuse
NOONEALT is not online. NOONEALT
Joined: 17 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 522
03 Sep 2014 04:11 PM
I read the whole thing. It was really good. Also the grammar, spelling and punctuation were good. 2 things, though. The first is that at the beginning you stated "I am also very interested in watching baseball it is one of my biggest hobbies." Then later on you used "I am very interested" again. I mean that is minor and you CAN leave it as it is if you want. The second thing is At the end you said "I enjoyed the movie "Moneyball", The quotation mark on the left beside the comma is facing the wrong way. Other than that I loved the essay and the movie too!
Report Abuse
nintendo566 is not online. nintendo566
Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 21932
03 Sep 2014 04:11 PM
DEAR TEACHER
BROBRO264 SUCKS
THE END
Report Abuse
DeAngeloWilliams34 is not online. DeAngeloWilliams34
Joined: 03 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 9568
03 Sep 2014 04:12 PM
YOU NEED SOME FACTS IF U WANNA SAY BROBRO264 SUCKS
Report Abuse
vikingsfan397 is online. vikingsfan397
Joined: 03 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 47471
03 Sep 2014 04:13 PM
lrn2comma rite

"I swear, if something bad happens to my friends, I'll rip every tooth out of that shark and make it into the most beautiful necklace you've ever seen."
Report Abuse
mjo123 is not online. mjo123
Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 15885
03 Sep 2014 04:14 PM
I AM GOING TO USE SPICE HOLD ON
Report Abuse
Bensbrother is not online. Bensbrother
Joined: 19 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 26460
03 Sep 2014 04:15 PM
turned THEIR* team
I am also very interested in watching baseball>>comma<< it is one of my biggest hobbies.
Report Abuse
darksideadmin is not online. darksideadmin
Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 9053
03 Sep 2014 04:16 PM
Of all of the books I have read, movies I have watched there is one that comes to mind as my favorite. My favorite movie is Moneyball, starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. I enjoy this movie very much because as much as I love playing baseball this movie sparked my interest as I look to go into sports management in my career. I am also very interested in watching baseball it is one of my biggest hobbies. If you found me every night you are bound to find me watching a baseball game or a show about baseball and the MLB.
Moneyball is a movie about how the Oakland Athletics turned there team from being a very bad team, to a playoff team with little money. Unlike teams like the New York Yankees, Oakland does not have there payroll in the 100 millions. They only have about 52 million. Obviously the player will want to sign to the team that offers the player more money. Oakland needed to analyze players and find the most underrated players, which other teams thought had little value. They ended up using many different statistics to determine whom to sign. In the end, they made the playoffs over the teams with a much higher pay roll. This shows that money doesn’t hold you back from achieving your goals despite the team being knocked out in the first round.
I am very interested in the way the game is managed, the front office situations. In the future I would like to be a general manager, a person who is in charge of the players’ contracts, trading, and the overall management of the team. Since this movie was all about the general manager position, and molding a winning team with the resources you are given. Moneyball is also an award-winning book, but I have only watched the movie. I enjoyed the movie,” Moneyball” very much and it definitely peaked my interests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
(Some corrections I found, first sentence is original, second is fixed)

ORIGINAL: I am also very interested in watching baseball it is one of my biggest hobbies.
FIXED: I am also very interested in watching baseball, as it is one of my favorite hobbies.

etc.

Obviously the player will want to sign to the team that offers the player more money.
Obviously, the player will want to sign to the team that offers the player more money.

I enjoyed the movie,” Moneyball” very much and it definitely peaked my interests.
I enjoyed the movie, "Moneyball", very much, and it definitely peaked my interests.


TIP: Try to always but a comma before the conjunctions/FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So)

Other than that, this is a very well described essay. Good job :)


Report Abuse
nintendo566 is not online. nintendo566
Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 21932
03 Sep 2014 04:25 PM
thanks
Report Abuse
darksideadmin is not online. darksideadmin
Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 9053
03 Sep 2014 04:25 PM
np :)
Report Abuse
vikingsfan397 is online. vikingsfan397
Joined: 03 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 47471
03 Sep 2014 04:31 PM
how id edit

Of all of the books I have read and the movies I have watched there is one that comes to mind as my favorite. My favorite movie is Moneyball, starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. I enjoy this movie very much because as much as I love playing baseball, this movie sparked my interest as I look to go into sports management in my career. I am also very interested in watching baseball because it is one of my biggest hobbies. If you see me every night, you are bound to find me watching a baseball game or a show about baseball and the MLB.
Moneyball is a movie about how the Oakland Athletics turned their team from being a very mediocre team, to a playoff team with little money. Unlike teams like the New York Yankees, Oakland did not have their payroll in the 100 millions of dollars. They only had about 52 million. Most players will want to sign to the team that offers them more money. Oakland needed to analyze players and find the most underrated players, which other teams thought had little value. They ended up using many different statistics to determine whom to sign. In the end, they made the playoffs over the teams with a much higher pay roll. This shows that money doesn't hold you back from achieving your goals, despite the team being knocked out in the first round.
I am very interested in the way the game is managed with the front office situations. In the future, I would like to be a general manager, a person who is in charge of the players’ contracts, trading, and the overall management of the team. Since this movie was all about the general manager position and molding a winning team with the resources you are given. Moneyball is also an award-winning book, but I have only watched the movie. I enjoyed the movie Moneyball very much and it definitely peaked my interests.

theres a few things i left out cause its hard to edit
underline moneyball every time

"I swear, if something bad happens to my friends, I'll rip every tooth out of that shark and make it into the most beautiful necklace you've ever seen."
Report Abuse
Bensbrother is not online. Bensbrother
Joined: 19 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 26460
03 Sep 2014 04:32 PM
"how id edit"

Definitely take grammatical advice from the person that just botched a fragmented sentence.
Report Abuse
vikingsfan397 is online. vikingsfan397
Joined: 03 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 47471
03 Sep 2014 04:34 PM
did you even read what i edited
no?

then shut up

everyone knows i dont use grammar on roblox

"I swear, if something bad happens to my friends, I'll rip every tooth out of that shark and make it into the most beautiful necklace you've ever seen."
Report Abuse
mjo123 is not online. mjo123
Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 15885
03 Sep 2014 04:38 PM
Based upon the vast horizon of all of the books I have read alongside movies, there is the most enriching film production that stimulated my enjoyment senses: Moneyball. This magnificent film is firmly built around the major stars regarding Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. I simply enjoy this movie astronomically due to the facts I am overjoyed to play baseball and also fueled my ambition to pursue sports management regarding my future career. I also deeply consider baseball as my favorite viewing pleasure the sport is crafted to become one of my personal biggest hobbies. If you sought to locate myself at due time, one will be guaranteed to find myself watching a baseball game or a show about baseball and the MLB as a whole.
Moneyball has a foundation plot regarding the reason of how the Oakland Athletics turned their team from being a very mediocre team, to a shining playoff-bound team with minuscule income. A highly regarded MLB team, the New York Yankees, Oakland ceases to obtain their payroll in the 100 million profit range; they only have about 52 million. Obviously the anticipated incoming new player will want to sign to the team that offers him a more worthwhile contract. Oakland needed to analyze players and find the most underrated players in order to save on money which appeared as a success due to, other teams thought those players had little skill to be in the pro leagues. The executives ended up using many different statistics to determine whom to sign to their already in shambles roster. In the end, they made the playoffs over the teams with a much higher pay roll. This shows that money doesn’t hold anything back from achieving any set goal despite being knocked out in the first round.
My own opinion is very high in the way the team is managed going hand in hand with the front office situations and the effects the decisions had upon the team. In the future I would inspire myself to become a general manager, a person who is in charge of the players’ contracts, trading, and the overall management of the team. Since this movie was all about the general manager position, and molding a winning team with the resources you are given: I still hold true to my statement regarding how money doesn’t hold anyone back, just set a goal.
Report Abuse
KenKen149 is not online. KenKen149
Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1360
03 Sep 2014 04:41 PM
I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed. I want to pull a Romo in bed.

Done.
Report Abuse
ObbyKing10 is not online. ObbyKing10
Joined: 21 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 19294
03 Sep 2014 04:42 PM
First 2 lines are awkward, you jump from my favorite book is no doubt (doesnt even say what book) then you say your favorite movie is Moneyball starring Jonah Hill & Brad Pitt


comicdude how do you build 8/30/2014 2:17:38 PM by comicdude Report Abuse
Report Abuse
Swagudelo is not online. Swagudelo
Joined: 23 May 2013
Total Posts: 24436
03 Sep 2014 04:42 PM
"how id edit"

Definitely take grammatical advice from the person that just botched a fragmented sentence.
-------------------------------------------
classic bensbrother
Report Abuse
deathrange07 is not online. deathrange07
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Total Posts: 62674
03 Sep 2014 05:07 PM
IT SUCKS DO IT OVER AGAIN

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set fire to the man and he's warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
Report Abuse
nomerdude is not online. nomerdude
Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 8202
03 Sep 2014 05:07 PM
dear lord rest in peace formal writing rules
Report Abuse
Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
Page 1 of 1
 
 
ROBLOX Forum » Ro-Sports
   
 
   
  • About Us
  • Jobs
  • Blog
  • Parents
  • Help
  • Terms
  • Privacy

©2017 Roblox Corporation. Roblox, the Roblox logo, Robux, Bloxy, and Powering Imagination are among our registered and unregistered trademarks in the U.S. and other countries.



Progress
Starting Roblox...
Connecting to Players...
R R

Roblox is now loading. Get ready to play!

R R

You're moments away from getting into the game!

Click here for help

Check Remember my choice and click Launch Application in the dialog box above to join games faster in the future!

Gameplay sponsored by:
Loading 0% - Starting game...
Get more with Builders Club! Join Builders Club
Choose Your Avatar
I have an account
generic image