1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 4954 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 01:28 PM |
The Adventures of RT: Rise of the Trolls
Chapter 1: The begining
One beautiful day, no rain, no clouds, just a clear blue sky, 1kellen1 (Kellen) and coollime5 (Lime) and kaziomario1234 (Kazio) Were on a boat going to an island to do research for rockitbro (Rockit), a scientist who owned an underground headquarters, Rockit Industries. They made phones, cars, and video games. But Rockit thinks there is a secret on an island called Off Topic. He has figured out there is an unidentified species living there. He calls them Trolls.
Kellen: "I spy with my little eye... something blue". Kazio: Uhh... you?" Kellen: "Nop." Kazio: "The ocean?" Kellen: "NOP". Kazio: "The sk-" Lime: "GAHH! Can't you guys just be quit for one second?" Kellen: "I spy something green, and it's not either of you." Lime: "But that would mean it's... LAND?" :Kazio: "Wait what?" :1kellen1: "yup. After 11 annoying hours, WE'RE HERE!" The three adventurers get of the boat, onto the island. Lime: This place looks like something big happened to it... Kazio: "f5 bombs? ODers?" Kellen: "I think I know what did it." Suddenly, they see a giant mutant creature the hight of a full grown elephant. The 3 adventurers Run as fast as they can, but Kazio stops when he sees a cute little kitty. Kazio: "Aww!" Kellen: KAZIO RUN NOW!" Kazio: "OK! I AM GOING TO TAKE THE CAT WIT-" Right before Kazio could finish his sentence, he and the cat get taken by the creature. Lime: "KAZIO!" Kellen: Oh crap... I think that was what Rockit called a... troll... We have to go get him." Lime: Right. But we'd better get some help. There's gotta be some people around here that can help."
Kellen: "Hey look, someones over there!" swimmyeli (Swimm): *grunts* "I was just traveling here... With my friends, Then IT came" Lime: "What's it?" Swimm:"The trolls! They come out of nowhere, and then THEY STRIKE!" Kellen: "One took our friend, could you help us?" Swimm: I can try, but first you have to help me find mine. Please!" Kellen: "Sure. Let's get going guys." They look around for about 30 minutes, then the find a door that leads underground. Swimm: "I know this place! A wizard lives here!" Lime: "No... wizards don't exist." Kellen: Lime, let's just go. As they walk down the stairs underground, Kellen and Lime whisper to each other. Lime: Dude? I think this guy got hit on his head really hard when the attack happend." Kellen: I don't know... you never believed that there was an unidentified species, and there was!" As they reach the bottom, they see a figure in the dark. Suddenly, the figure runs to them. He shouts out :"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He pulls out a wand from his belt, puts them up in the air, and lights up the room. The wizard: "Swimm?" Swimm: "Yup!" The wizard then let's them go. Swimm: "Hey Ropi!" :Kellen and Lime: "Ropi?" Swimm: "Oh right, guys, this is Ropi, The wizard!" Kellen says to lime: "Told ya."
CHAPTER 2 COMING SOON!
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 4954 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 01:31 PM |
| MORE PEOPLE WILL BE IN PART 2! |
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ropi7
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| Joined: 11 Jan 2009 |
| Total Posts: 5419 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 01:32 PM |
then kaizo starts hating me because i'm a doge
can i set you on fire |
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| 26 Aug 2014 01:37 PM |
| Awesome! Can I be in the next one? :D |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 4954 |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 03:03 PM |
here's some advice.
1. make actual dialogue, and don't put it like a script. 2. stay in the correct tense 3. create a more vivid scene for us 4. make sure to paragraph
no soup for you sonny. |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
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ropi7
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| Joined: 11 Jan 2009 |
| Total Posts: 5419 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:40 PM |
most of us have probably read this already people probably want part 2 |
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McTylerX
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| Joined: 28 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1961 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:40 PM |
Far too crowded, speech should go like
"Want coffee?" Kellen gladly asks.
"Nah, brah." Tyler responded, glumly.
Don't forget those paragraphs |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:41 PM |
| If you want part two then post, I need to know if I should make a second. |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 4954 |
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coollime5
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 19929 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:42 PM |
| Great way to end my day before I go to bed! I really enjoyed this, and I can't wait for chapter 2! :) |
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ropi7
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| Joined: 11 Jan 2009 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:42 PM |
| this series will get more popularity once you make more parts |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:43 PM |
@Cool
Thanks!
@Ropi
You're right, time to get to work! |
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McTylerX
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| Joined: 28 Dec 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1961 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:43 PM |
2manyspellingmistakes4me
Check please
keep those honeys hidden |
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coollime5
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2012 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:44 PM |
| Pretty much what other people said is what I think you should fix. But it's only the 1st part, I'm sure it will get even better. :) |
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McTylerX
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| Joined: 28 Dec 2010 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:45 PM |
Sorry for the critique, its actually really good
more pls
keep those honeys hidden |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:45 PM |
i want to have an underground conference room in ot
bc i sometimes host meetings there
Aww, but I wanted to be the Zora race! |
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1kellen1
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| Joined: 04 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 4954 |
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| 26 Aug 2014 11:47 PM |
| ANY REQUESTS WILL HAPPEN MOST LIKELY, oh and thanks guys! Means alot. |
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