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Re: The Adventures of RT: Rise of the Trolls (FANFICTION PART 1)

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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 01:28 PM
The Adventures of RT: Rise of the Trolls

Chapter 1: The begining

One beautiful day, no rain, no clouds, just a clear blue sky, 1kellen1 (Kellen) and coollime5 (Lime) and kaziomario1234 (Kazio) Were on a boat going to an island to do research
for rockitbro (Rockit), a scientist who owned an underground headquarters, Rockit Industries. They made phones, cars, and video games. But Rockit thinks there is a secret on an island called Off Topic. He has figured out there is an unidentified species living there. He calls them Trolls.



Kellen: "I spy with my little eye... something blue". Kazio: Uhh... you?" Kellen: "Nop." Kazio: "The ocean?" Kellen: "NOP". Kazio: "The sk-" Lime: "GAHH! Can't you guys just be quit for one second?" Kellen: "I spy something green, and it's not either of you." Lime: "But that would mean it's... LAND?" :Kazio: "Wait what?" :1kellen1: "yup. After 11 annoying hours, WE'RE HERE!" The three adventurers get of the boat, onto the island. Lime: This place looks like something big happened to it... Kazio: "f5 bombs? ODers?" Kellen: "I think I know what did it." Suddenly, they see a giant mutant creature the hight of a full grown elephant. The 3 adventurers Run as fast as they can, but Kazio stops when he sees a cute little kitty. Kazio: "Aww!" Kellen: KAZIO RUN NOW!" Kazio: "OK! I AM GOING TO TAKE THE CAT WIT-" Right before Kazio could finish his sentence, he and the cat get taken by the creature. Lime: "KAZIO!" Kellen: Oh crap... I think that was what Rockit called a... troll... We have to go get him." Lime: Right. But we'd better get some help. There's gotta be some people around here that can help."



Kellen: "Hey look, someones over there!" swimmyeli (Swimm): *grunts* "I was just traveling here... With my friends, Then IT came" Lime: "What's it?" Swimm:"The trolls! They come out of nowhere, and then THEY STRIKE!" Kellen: "One took our friend, could you help us?" Swimm: I can try, but first you have to help me find mine. Please!"
Kellen: "Sure. Let's get going guys." They look around for about 30 minutes, then the find a door that leads underground. Swimm: "I know this place! A wizard lives here!"
Lime: "No... wizards don't exist." Kellen: Lime, let's just go. As they walk down the stairs underground, Kellen and Lime whisper to each other. Lime: Dude? I think this guy got hit on his head really hard when the attack happend." Kellen: I don't know... you never believed that there was an unidentified species, and there was!" As they reach the bottom, they see a figure in the dark. Suddenly, the figure runs to them. He shouts out :"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He pulls out a wand from his belt, puts them up in the air, and lights up the room. The wizard: "Swimm?" Swimm: "Yup!" The wizard then let's them go. Swimm: "Hey Ropi!" :Kellen and Lime: "Ropi?" Swimm: "Oh right, guys, this is Ropi, The wizard!" Kellen says to lime: "Told ya."


CHAPTER 2 COMING SOON!


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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 01:31 PM
MORE PEOPLE WILL BE IN PART 2!
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ropi7 is not online. ropi7
Joined: 11 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 5419
26 Aug 2014 01:32 PM
then kaizo starts hating me because i'm a doge

can i set you on fire
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dragonboy27267 is not online. dragonboy27267
Joined: 20 Aug 2014
Total Posts: 43
26 Aug 2014 01:37 PM
Awesome! Can I be in the next one? :D
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 01:38 PM
Sure!
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 03:01 PM
B1
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TackyThePegasus is not online. TackyThePegasus
Joined: 01 May 2010
Total Posts: 15951
26 Aug 2014 03:03 PM
here's some advice.

1. make actual dialogue, and don't put it like a script.
2. stay in the correct tense
3. create a more vivid scene for us
4. make sure to paragraph

no soup for you sonny.
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 11:38 PM
Ayy latenight BUMP
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ropi7 is not online. ropi7
Joined: 11 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 5419
26 Aug 2014 11:40 PM
most of us have probably read this already
people probably want part 2
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McTylerX is not online. McTylerX
Joined: 28 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 1961
26 Aug 2014 11:40 PM
Far too crowded, speech should go like

"Want coffee?" Kellen gladly asks.

"Nah, brah." Tyler responded, glumly.

Don't forget those paragraphs
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 11:41 PM
If you want part two then post, I need to know if I should make a second.
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 11:41 PM
@Tyler

Very helpful.
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coollime5 is not online. coollime5
Joined: 12 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 19929
26 Aug 2014 11:42 PM
Great way to end my day before I go to bed! I really enjoyed this, and I can't wait for chapter 2! :)
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ropi7 is not online. ropi7
Joined: 11 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 5419
26 Aug 2014 11:42 PM
this series will get more popularity once you make more parts
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 11:43 PM
@Cool

Thanks!

@Ropi

You're right, time to get to work!
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McTylerX is not online. McTylerX
Joined: 28 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 1961
26 Aug 2014 11:43 PM
2manyspellingmistakes4me

Check please

keep those honeys hidden
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coollime5 is not online. coollime5
Joined: 12 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 19929
26 Aug 2014 11:44 PM
Pretty much what other people said is what I think you should fix. But it's only the 1st part, I'm sure it will get even better. :)
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McTylerX is not online. McTylerX
Joined: 28 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 1961
26 Aug 2014 11:45 PM
Sorry for the critique, its actually really good

more pls

keep those honeys hidden
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SoEpic1337 is not online. SoEpic1337
Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 28506
26 Aug 2014 11:45 PM
i want to have an underground conference room in ot

bc i sometimes host meetings there

Aww, but I wanted to be the Zora race!
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1kellen1 is not online. 1kellen1
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 4954
26 Aug 2014 11:47 PM
ANY REQUESTS WILL HAPPEN MOST LIKELY, oh and thanks guys! Means alot.
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LuigiLuigi6789 is not online. LuigiLuigi6789
Joined: 10 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 9563
26 Aug 2014 11:48 PM
cool

ninja of rt
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