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Re: rate this poem

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reddanger is not online. reddanger
Joined: 27 May 2009
Total Posts: 38075
31 Jul 2014 04:20 AM
Children walking down the street
Men grabbing them by their cheeks
Into the van they go
To a faraway place, nobody knows
Sweets and treats eating underneath
Maybe they'll survive, but that's only a dream
Lay them down, row by row
Speak and you'll be the first to go
Remember walk away from the creeps
Or by tomorrow
You'll be on the market
Sold as fresh meat


ey

;)
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Neostic is not online. Neostic
Joined: 11 Jul 2013
Total Posts: 4733
31 Jul 2014 04:22 AM
last few lines need a better flow
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reddanger is not online. reddanger
Joined: 27 May 2009
Total Posts: 38075
31 Jul 2014 04:23 AM
"flow"

i felt like fresh meat didn't get as good as a flow as the start

;)
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Cyctorn is not online. Cyctorn
Joined: 18 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 2222
31 Jul 2014 04:24 AM
its gud
and gud is middle of my rate-a-thing-thing-in-a-really-lazy-grammar-free-machine
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superlegobuilder88 is not online. superlegobuilder88
Joined: 24 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 7145
31 Jul 2014 04:24 AM
10/10
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Akrylix is not online. Akrylix
Joined: 13 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 28442
31 Jul 2014 04:25 AM
10/10 [2]
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Litemare is not online. Litemare
Joined: 10 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 50666
31 Jul 2014 04:26 AM
Supah edgy
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Neostic is not online. Neostic
Joined: 11 Jul 2013
Total Posts: 4733
31 Jul 2014 04:27 AM
ye the last line needs 6 syllables
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