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Re: The Leaves. (Poem)

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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
07 Jul 2014 10:55 AM
The leaves are falling.
Hear them whisper to the ground.
The fragments leave the tree bare,
exposed from all around.

Left alone in the harsh of Winter,
the tree is left weakened in frosty air.
And if trees had feelings,
the tree would be feeling despair.

But humans do have feelings.
And humans can do wrong.
Causing each other pain,
fights can last many years long.

A family is falling out.
Hear the mother and father fight.
Children will be left alone
in the dead of the night.

Please rate fairly in the comments. I hope this is an OK poem. There is a hidden meaning in the first two stanzas which is explained a little in the last two stanzas.

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zadfad is not online. zadfad
Joined: 28 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 7953
07 Jul 2014 11:06 AM
Could use more OGRE
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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
07 Jul 2014 03:21 PM
What? Does that make sense and I'm just not getting it?
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JackLGolden is not online. JackLGolden
Joined: 14 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 922
07 Jul 2014 03:33 PM
Rhyming ✓
Meaning ✓
Emotion ✓

Checks good on my list. The "ogre" thing is part of that guy's TROLL LOVING personality.
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JackLGolden is not online. JackLGolden
Joined: 14 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 922
07 Jul 2014 03:35 PM
There's a whole meme based around shrek, and he seems to like it. It's similar to doge.
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JackLGolden is not online. JackLGolden
Joined: 14 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 922
07 Jul 2014 03:36 PM
This thread has
Rhyming
Harmony
Meaning
Emotion
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2Doe is not online. 2Doe
Joined: 13 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 1465
07 Jul 2014 03:46 PM
your poem is shat
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XJeffXNeroXPPV1 is not online. XJeffXNeroXPPV1
Joined: 03 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 11250
07 Jul 2014 04:10 PM
Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
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legosareawesome616 is not online. legosareawesome616
Joined: 03 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 4138
07 Jul 2014 04:37 PM
your poem is shat [2]
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AwsomeAndrewD is not online. AwsomeAndrewD
Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 40000
07 Jul 2014 04:40 PM
It is a good poem, but not really my style
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livinarock is not online. livinarock
Joined: 30 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 2914
07 Jul 2014 04:56 PM
Well the first stanza was definitely great. However, the rest feel a bit too forced to rhyme. It was interesting how you compared trees to children, however.

And I must ask; was "winter" (line 5) capitalized on purpose?
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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
07 Jul 2014 10:49 PM
I know this is a bit pathetic for someone who is writing poems, but I'm honestly not sure of it should be. It probably shouldn't now that I realize that winter isn't capitalized unless you're talking about a specific winter, say, Winter of 1978. I was in my world of poem stuff at the time and didn't catch that mistake. Thank you for telling me.
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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
07 Jul 2014 10:55 PM
@XJeff
#1. Eww. Terrible video.
#2. Completely irrelevant.

Please take the time to realize that there is no reason to be posting such nonsense on a thread for a poem. If you want attention, please go on to " Off Topic" and start a "Shrek is love, Shrek is life." thread.
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XJeffXNeroXPPV1 is not online. XJeffXNeroXPPV1
Joined: 03 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 11250
07 Jul 2014 11:40 PM
@dragon Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
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zadfad is not online. zadfad
Joined: 28 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 7953
07 Jul 2014 11:55 PM
It isnt ogre. Its NEVER Ogre.
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legosareawesome616 is not online. legosareawesome616
Joined: 03 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 4138
08 Jul 2014 08:00 AM
its not ogre until our ogrelord shrek says its ogre
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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
08 Jul 2014 08:15 AM
@XJeffXNeroXPPI
Hahahaha, very funny, stop.

@zadfad
Thankyou for discouraging them.

@legosrawesome616
Don't encourage XJeffXNeroXPPI
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XJeffXNeroXPPV1 is not online. XJeffXNeroXPPV1
Joined: 03 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 11250
08 Jul 2014 02:59 PM
@dragon Did you know that Shrek is love, Shrek is life?
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Pryd7 is not online. Pryd7
Joined: 31 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 577
08 Jul 2014 03:44 PM
I really like the poem, reminds me alot of the first season of Game Of Thrones cx
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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
08 Jul 2014 07:46 PM
@Pryd7

Please explain how this is related to GoT. I don't mean that in a taunting way, I mean I just haven't watched GoT. :P
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legosareawesome616 is not online. legosareawesome616
Joined: 03 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 4138
08 Jul 2014 08:07 PM
don't tell me what to do
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ConvexPolygon is not online. ConvexPolygon
Joined: 10 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 7727
08 Jul 2014 09:02 PM
Forced rhyme, tries too hard to organize stanzas. 0/10-shrekreviews.com
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Pryd7 is not online. Pryd7
Joined: 31 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 577
09 Jul 2014 04:24 AM
@dragon

MAJOR SPOILERS

Basically in series one, the winter is coming and a young boy falls from a tower (the falling leaves bit) and also, the poem reminds me of the landscape, "Fights can last years long" there was a massive war in the past in GoT

In the first season, there is the Stark Family, and they start falling out and right at the end the father is killed for treason and the mother flees north, leaving their children alone

That's how it reminds me of GoT
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cadenchaoslord is not online. cadenchaoslord
Joined: 28 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 214
09 Jul 2014 05:43 AM
It's interesting, but it uses forced rhyme. Poetry doesn't need rhyme to thrive, it doesn't need rhyme to even be good. Poetry is meant to have a rhythm and a soul, but it does not inherently need rhyme.

Anyway, the poem could be made much better if you focus on conveying the message better rather than trying to mix a theme, a story, and a rhyme. Forcing a rhyme to occur only devalues your poem.
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dragongirl358 is not online. dragongirl358
Joined: 14 Apr 2014
Total Posts: 631
09 Jul 2014 10:11 AM
@Pryd7
Thanks. Nice job for making that connection! Pretty impressive. I can definitely see the relation in that poem and GoT.

@ConvexPolygon
Please get out of my life. If you don't like me, you don't have to go on all my other threads that I've been on and comment something mean. Please just get a life and get out of mine. And please don't follow me on game because that can count as stalking.

Sincerely, someone who really doesn't like you.
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