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| 07 Jul 2014 03:19 PM |
The Cat Prince
Randomnessu was walking through an oily meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a wiggling little cat lying under a tree.
Randomnessu skipped over to see the dear thing and was engorged to find that he was hurt! A salmonella had pierced his holy little shoulder and he whimpered roughly with the pain.
"My manly little friend," Randomnessu said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the salmonella, as huskily as she could. The cat cried out and Randomnessu's heart ached, like Ron Jeremy in a world without film. "You'll be all right," Randomnessu whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Eriknelson1 and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Eriknelson1 up in her arms, Randomnessu carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Randomnessu nursed Eriknelson1, cleaning his shoulder and feeding him Breakfast-brand cat chow.
On the eighth night, Eriknelson1 climbed into bed with Randomnessu. He burrowed under the covers and readily rekt Randomnessu's neck. It made Randomnessu giggle and she cuddled close to Eriknelson1, stroking his thigh and singing happily to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Randomnessu hurried home so she could curl up with Eriknelson1. It gave her a smooth feeling whenever Eriknelson1 rekt her neck.
Then one night, Eriknelson1 looked up at Randomnessu and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a sharp prince."
Randomnessu screamed strongly, she was so surprised. How could a cat talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Eriknelson1 said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Randomnessu said and kissed Eriknelson1 on his thigh. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sharp prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Eriknelson1," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Randomnessu said.
"See?" Eriknelson1 said and showed Randomnessu the scar from the salmonella on his shoulder. Then he kissed Randomnessu and they tumbled in the house and did a lot of very red things, some of them involving a small shackles.
"I love you," Eriknelson1 said when they were done. Randomnessu clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Eriknelson1 had stashed away.
And if Eriknelson1 didn't know about Randomnessu's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him. |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:21 PM |
| i love getting my neck rekt |
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Tharles
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| Joined: 20 Dec 2012 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:30 PM |
| also, taking volunteers to be with me in the next ones <3 |
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Tharles
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| Joined: 20 Dec 2012 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:30 PM |
pm me link to this
The Forum Necromancer, bringing back nooby threads since the beginning of time. |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:32 PM |
@Tharles
alright, give me a minute |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:32 PM |
May I be there as well?
[ERROR: FLOODCHECK] |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:39 PM |
@Tharles
The Miracle Of The Llama
Randomnessu hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. She loathed it.
Every December, Randomnessu would feel herself getting all godly inside. She refused to put up a Christmas broom, she snapped at anyone glowing enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Randomnessu had to go to the mall to buy a heavy bag. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing shamefully around and so much Christmas music blaring hurriedly, she thought her foot would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a miniscule woman collecting for charity. Randomnessu never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the miniscule woman dropped his bells and ran in outer space. There was a purple llama right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the miniscule woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Randomnessu rushed out and playfully pushed them both out of the way. There was a enlarged bang and then everything went dark.
When Randomnessu woke up, she was in an erotic room. There was a Christmas broom in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Randomnessu's bicep hurt. A lot.
The miniscule woman came into the room. "I'm so fantastic!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Tharles. You saved me from the truck. But your bicep is broken."
Randomnessu hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas broom up and her bicep was broken, she felt quite dirty, especially when she looked at Tharles.
"Your bicep must hurt sensually," Tharles said. "I think this will help." And she ate Randomnessu several times.
Now Randomnessu felt very dirty indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Tharles. "I love you," she said, and kissed Tharles fearfully.
"I love you too," said Tharles. Just then, the llama ran into the room and nuzzled Randomnessu's face. "I brought him home with us," Tharles said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Randomnessu said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
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Tharles
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| Joined: 20 Dec 2012 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:46 PM |
@TheChangerDB
The Adventure Of The Crab
Randomnessu and TheChangerDB were out for a miniscule Valentine's walk on the far side of the moon. As they went, TheChangerDB rested his hand on Randomnessu's chest. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so purple, Randomnessu was filled with red dread.
"Do you suppose it's dirty here?" she asked fearfully.
"You heavy silly," TheChangerDB said, tickling Randomnessu with his assault rifle. "It's completely enlarged."
Just then, a great crab leapt out from behind a shekel and sucked TheChangerDB in the chin. "Aaargh!" TheChangerDB screamed.
Things looked glowing. But Randomnessu, although she was Catholic, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a crown and, like a rattlesnake in a barrel of pickles, beat the crab hurriedly until it ran off. "That will teach you to touch innocent people."
Then she clasped TheChangerDB close. TheChangerDB was bleeding unusually. "My darling," Randomnessu said, and pressed her lips to TheChangerDB's hand.
"I love you," TheChangerDB said shamefully, and expired in Randomnessu's arms.
Randomnessu never loved again |
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hurtruler
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| Joined: 13 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 3023 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:47 PM |
meme me next
~ROBLOX Forums resident egghead~/ლ(◉◞౪◟◉ )ლ/( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/ |
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Tharles
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| Joined: 20 Dec 2012 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:52 PM |
@Hurt
Great Love
Randomnessu finished packing. Ever since Hurtruler, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Randomnessu had been Jewish.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing drained her, all was oozing. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going in Denmark to become a blue dirty underwear.
Just then, there was a strong knock at the door. Randomnessu opened it and stood there thoughtfully for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her groin.
When Randomnessu came to, Hurtruler was holding her shoulder and looking happy. "My love," Hurtruler said arousedly, "I'm sorry for the wide shock. I've been shipwrecked on a large island for the last ten years, living like Bill Gates winning the lottery. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my eye in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Randomnessu could hardly believe her Hurtruler had returned. "I will always love you, eye or no eye. Besides, you can cover it up with a Xbox360."
They embraced worriedly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was filthy. |
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hurtruler
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| Joined: 13 Nov 2011 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:55 PM |
10/10
but what do you mean by filthy
~ROBLOX Forums resident egghead~/ლ(◉◞౪◟◉ )ლ/( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/ |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:56 PM |
"but what do you mean by filthy" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) |
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hurtruler
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| Joined: 13 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 3023 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:57 PM |
OHOHOHOH
u dirty dirty
~ROBLOX Forums resident egghead~/ლ(◉◞౪◟◉ )ლ/( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/ |
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TOTLAM
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| Joined: 05 Sep 2008 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 03:57 PM |
| i volunteer as a tribute!~~ |
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| 07 Jul 2014 04:04 PM |
@Tot
I'm Dreaming Of A Squirting Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Randomnessu sat worriedly on a hill over yonder, sipping flaming eggnog.
She looked at the happy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, TOTLAM had hung it there, just before they looked at each other thoughtfully and then fell into each other's arms and rekt each other's lips.
If only I hadn't been so yellow, Randomnessu thought, pouring a strong amount of r(lolfilter)um into her eggnog. Then TOTLAM might not have got so awesome and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an enraged tear and held her weenis in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a Muslim voice lifted stupidly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a squirting Christmas
Just like a hobo drowning in cash prizes
Randomnessu ran to the door. It was TOTLAM, looking large all over with snow.
"I missed you arousedly," TOTLAM said. "And I wanted to impregnate your lips again."
Randomnessu hugged TOTLAM and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," TOTLAM said.
"I think so too," Randomnessu said and they rekt each other's lips until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted dragon thigh and lived huskily until Randomnessu got drunk again.
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hurtruler
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| Joined: 13 Nov 2011 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 04:07 PM |
o god
~ROBLOX Forums resident egghead~/ლ(◉◞౪◟◉ )ლ/( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/ |
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TOTLAM
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| Joined: 05 Sep 2008 |
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| 07 Jul 2014 04:09 PM |
Can you post the link to the generator, OP?
|I SUCK AT SIGNATURES / "This was all an elaborate ruse!"| |
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| 07 Jul 2014 04:14 PM |
...why do I even bother.
[ERROR: FLOODCHECK] |
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Tharles
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| Joined: 20 Dec 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3779 |
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Tharles
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| Joined: 20 Dec 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3779 |
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