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Re: Mr. Carter feat. Tornado

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lionhart12 is not online. lionhart12
Joined: 29 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 4989
04 Jul 2014 02:45 AM
[Chorus: Murder/Lion] x2

(Hey L Murder)
Hello!
(Tell me where have you been?)
Yezzir!
(They been asking, they been searching, they been wondering why)
Who's been asking about me?

[Verse 1: Murder/Lion]

Uh, I been murdering every single one of my competition
While y'all curdling [n]'s been on the same superstition
Watch me flush them down the toilet, i'm not even const3pated
It's like i've been incarcerated, with my life almost confiscated
Can't regret all the altercations that i've instigated
[N] i'll son you, now your children think we're related
All these other rappers thats been relevant are overrated
You don't know what it's like to be frustrated, hated, and debated
They tried to play me, but i've been overplayed
Killed 10 [n]'s on point average, 10th grade, good grades
Mind sharper than four blades, flow nastier than []ore a[1]ds
I got a [b] with french braids, represent that red plaid
Distribute the murders into equal quantities
Divide unqualified applications by the qualities
Like a bomb I go off automatically, eliminating all of the philosophies
And basically theoretically im going down in history like the economy
Think nothing short of me, or get your brain tapped at constantly
Thought out sobriety, something unbelievably unbelievable in todays society

[Chorus: Murder/Lion] x2

(Hey L Murder)
Hello!
(Tell me where have you been?)
Yezzir!
(They been asking, they been searching, they been wondering why)
Who's been asking about me?

[Verse 2: Murder/Lion] x2

Ugh, no welcomes and no hospitality
All you see is coliseums and harsh reality
Give you a check, a reality check
You get no access, unless I see a cross on your neck
These days you gotta be responsible for your consequences
I wasted alot of time guessing unlogical guesses over my pain and stresses
If i am generic, then where is the original
[N] im the president, my raps are too political
I could rap about how I murder or is that too typical
Im invisible, incredible, inevitable, and invincible
Destroy every sentence, slay every syllable
You can get vengeance, but that is too fictional
Put the future in the casket, save the BS for the toilet
Im the king of rap, nope music, I got your [b] scheduling my appointments
Let the clip be your reassurance, imma take your life better get your life insurance
Rely on all your small earnings, big bank in the office money is a regular occurence

[Chorus: Murder] x2

(Hey L Murder)
Hello!
(Tell me where have you been?)
Yezzir!
(They been asking, they been searching, they been wondering why)
Who's been asking about me?

[Verse 3: Tornado/Hurricane]

Yeah now I'm right here on my thrown.
With my sticks and my bones.
You'd think I'd be dead by now and looking like dry bones.
They said I got worse after a long time period.
Maybe I should do like old me just with more experience.
Just like Mr. Cane remember to always try harder.
Once you stay here for a while then you'll get smarter.
Football players I've tackled.
Around the world and I continue to travel.
People think I'm no longer King of the castle.
They think I'm just a regular snake without my rattle.
But yes I'm gonna fall down a couple times cause I'm a natural disaster.
That doesn't mean act like idiots and make me the ones your after.
And of course someone's gonna say this wasn't impressive.
But it wasn't meant to be so just get the message.
I'm still me cause I wanna disl0cate joints.
Because these kids broke the pencil and they're missin the point.
Back and forth from here to china.
And in case you havn't heard I gotta make a Storm in North Carolin@.
So I'm back to traveling.
East Coast.

[Verse 4: Murder/Lion]

Yeah, now it's my go
And imma keep balling for the red though
Far from the usual, flow beautiful
Lyrics unbelievable, syllables magical
Floating like a moogle, bars juvenile
It's been a while, number one idol
Far from casual, close to actual
Close to factual, don't need a manual
Words and verbs apocalyptic
Crushing the watery pacific
Rhymes terrific, far from scientific
Close to realistic, sharp and ballistic

[Chorus: Murder/Lion] x2

(Hey L Murder)
Hello!
(Tell me where have you been?)
Yezzir!
(They been asking, they been searching, they been wondering why)
Who's been asking about me?
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iaw35 is not online. iaw35
Joined: 22 May 2013
Total Posts: 225
04 Jul 2014 03:23 AM
Kh Ik you can do better.....
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KingHurrican3 is not online. KingHurrican3
Joined: 29 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 1862
04 Jul 2014 03:27 AM
iaw get off my back and go answer some g@y questions.
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iaw35 is not online. iaw35
Joined: 22 May 2013
Total Posts: 225
04 Jul 2014 03:30 AM
Ooh Kh called me g@@@@y but first year I came to your school....stole your girl.....Just bcuz you are "legend" doesn't mean I'm going to how down to you....hell you could be the king, execute me now, I'm not bowing down to this Nokia.....
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KingHurrican3 is not online. KingHurrican3
Joined: 29 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 1862
04 Jul 2014 03:32 AM
You didn't steal her. I forced her to leave me and you got her AFTER she broke up with me. And I didn't call you g@y I said go answer some g@y questions. Learn to read.
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Peregrinations is not online. Peregrinations
Joined: 01 Mar 2014
Total Posts: 147
04 Jul 2014 04:24 AM
10/10


uwotm8



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Vandolve is not online. Vandolve
Joined: 30 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 1629
04 Jul 2014 09:02 AM
Lol kh, you go to the same school as iaw?
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CombatChampion123 is not online. CombatChampion123
Joined: 09 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 4102
04 Jul 2014 09:11 AM
Iaw admitted he was g@y to keke now hes trying to pretend hes straight lol
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CombatChampion123 is not online. CombatChampion123
Joined: 09 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 4102
04 Jul 2014 09:15 AM
8/10 good song nice flow
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lionhart12 is not online. lionhart12
Joined: 29 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 4989
04 Jul 2014 12:03 PM
Thanks combat and peregrinations.
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GoldenKinq is not online. GoldenKinq
Joined: 18 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 721
04 Jul 2014 12:26 PM
DAYUUUUUUM king he just murked you take it like a man.
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 12:44 PM
Just stop both of you, you're in elementary school for fking sakes, and lion n tornado murked the track anyways
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 12:46 PM
Btw I was telling iaw and KH to stop like srsly, "stealing a girl" in elementary school, lmao. Just stop fighting anyways
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CombatChampion123 is not online. CombatChampion123
Joined: 09 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 4102
04 Jul 2014 12:48 PM
Maybe you a hater ? Hmm
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 12:56 PM
How am I a hater for pointing something outside the song, lel
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CombatChampion123 is not online. CombatChampion123
Joined: 09 Feb 2014
Total Posts: 4102
04 Jul 2014 12:59 PM
Maybe you a hater hmm
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 01:08 PM
Ok
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lionhart12 is not online. lionhart12
Joined: 29 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 4989
04 Jul 2014 01:18 PM
Thanks street
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Thehotwildfire is not online. Thehotwildfire
Joined: 08 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 265
04 Jul 2014 01:41 PM
Hmm, it's good, but there are something you both can improve on.

Verse 1 had a good flow, nice impact, and it made good sense.

The rhymes had a bad lack of variety though since there was only two sounds used in the whole verse.

Verse 2 Had decent flow, better rhymes, and great impact, it also made good sense. As a bonus, this line also had a rhyme within it:

"Let the clip be your reassurance◀, imma take your life better get your life insurance◀
Rely on all your small earnings◀, big bank in the office money is a regular occurence◀"

Verse 3 was the only one by KH, and the first thing I notice is that you misspelled "Throne". No offence, but really? xD

The impact was good, the flow was decent, it took me a good bit to know what the rap means. The rhyming though was off-task. For example:

They said I got worse after a long time period.◀
Maybe I should do like old me just with more experience.◀

"Period" and "Experience" do not rhyme. They don't have the same end sound. I can't consider it a near-rhyme either because they both have different syllables and "per-iod" with "ex-per-ience," they both don't sound the same, you know?

As for verse 4, I figured that this one was a closing. The rhymes could have been better, the impact was perfect at the end, the flow had a great ring to it, and it made great sense. Too bad that this was the best one in the song.

In conclusion, this song had ups and downs, more downs. So my rating will be a 6/10, or just above average. You both did a good job, but I recommend you look for other words that mean the same thing. "Exclude" and "Ostracized" mean the same thing for example, but have more opportunities for variety.

Good job with the song, and keep improving xD.
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 01:48 PM
Period and experience actually do rhyme, they sound similar enough to be used as a rhyme scheme
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Thehotwildfire is not online. Thehotwildfire
Joined: 08 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 265
04 Jul 2014 02:10 PM
I disagree, they do sound similar yes, but their sounds are different, sure the "per" in period matches with the "per" in experience. However, "iod" and "ience" do not rhyme very well.

I think I might have made a mistake because they COULD, be a near-rhyme. It is only because of the "perience" in experience and the word itself, "period". So, you got me there, if you prove it to be an actual rhyme though, I'll up my own rating to 7/10 instead of a 6/10. Thanks for correcting me xD
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 02:14 PM
I'm not talking about the spelling, I'm saying they just sound a like, just like "again" and "dominance" would rhyme in a weird way, however it would have to be a slant rhyme
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Thehotwildfire is not online. Thehotwildfire
Joined: 08 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 265
04 Jul 2014 02:23 PM
Hmm, true. I can see that happening. I still don't see this as a "full" rhyme though.
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Kittynibble is not online. Kittynibble
Joined: 15 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 25502
04 Jul 2014 02:28 PM
they're slant rhymes and they only work if someone actually says them
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streetfighter919 is not online. streetfighter919
Joined: 12 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1168
04 Jul 2014 02:32 PM
Yeah, also depends, on the persons accent.
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