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Re: [WIJ]: Untitled Story Introduction

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Assalto is not online. Assalto
Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 9149
30 May 2014 08:51 PM
This is just a little something I decided to write. Not sure where I'll go with it. Anyways, if you've got any comments, feel free to leave them.

A thick, ominous haze hung over the valley. The roaring wind whined through the forests below, carrying with it the acrid scent of wet soil. The land lay eerily silent, and not a single animal could be heard during the twilight hours. The sky held a yellowish tinge, and ashen clouds seemed to be preparing to unleash the fury held within them. A storm was coming.

Meanwhile, the sounds of footsteps crunching upon dead leaves and twigs penetrated deep into the foreboding quiet. A column of troops solemnly marched between the pillars of trees, unsure of where they were headed, and what they were meant to do. Their commander had simply told them to follow him, and out of either fear or respect, they followed him with no questions or opposition. Though it was not stated, they knew from experience that those who refused orders would be indicted on charges of treason and shot dead on the spot.

What the soldiers did know, however, was that they were vastly unequipped for whatever lie ahead. Dull flashes of cerulean light had begun to pierce the billowing clouds in the sky above: the tell-tale sign of a ship formerly in orbit descending to the planet below. The guerillas were armed with outdated projectile weaponry, relics of a time gone by. Their apparel could be considered subpar at best: many of them wore faded khakis, tattered shorts, and homemade, threadbare vests designed to carry their excess gear. A minority of them carried jury-rigged explosives that could be used in a futile attempt to disintegrate their opposition (or themselves, as was often the case).

While these soldiers were fit to raid and pillage defenseless hamlets and farms, in no situation would they be able to compete against even a reasonably well equipped force. None of them, with the exception of their leader, had any experience in a firefight. They were used to villagers surrendering their possessions to them out of pure terror. Only a minority of them had ever actually fired their weapons, due to the scarcity of ammunition in the remnants of the fallen country.

On that fateful, bitter day, however, luck had been on their side.
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tommygun3024 is not online. tommygun3024
Joined: 07 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 999
30 May 2014 09:02 PM
Wow, that's some smashing stuff. Very descriptive yet vague on the general picture. I love it.
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cashpop is not online. cashpop
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 2984
30 May 2014 09:29 PM
I like it
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Assalto is not online. Assalto
Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 9149
08 Jun 2014 06:23 AM
b
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Inversus is not online. Inversus
Joined: 30 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 18551
08 Jun 2014 06:24 AM
very descriptive
nice
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Bydorn is not online. Bydorn
Joined: 03 Jun 2014
Total Posts: 87
08 Jun 2014 06:25 AM
You shoulder consider joining Corus. It's an amazing piece of work.

I'll give it a 9/10. I didn't really like some of your word choices. Like yellowish.
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Assalto is not online. Assalto
Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 9149
08 Jun 2014 06:26 AM
i'm in corus
lol
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IceGleam is not online. IceGleam
Joined: 24 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 4768
08 Jun 2014 06:34 AM
Nice.
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Castlemore is online. Castlemore
Joined: 15 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 14737
16 Jun 2014 05:25 PM
Magnificently talented, greater than J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien riff-raff.
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Unquestioning is not online. Unquestioning
Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Total Posts: 5707
16 Jun 2014 05:43 PM
wij might
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CaIculus is not online. CaIculus
Joined: 27 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 4109
16 Jun 2014 05:44 PM
niceeee

Add 46,604- http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=136274563
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Assalto is not online. Assalto
Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 9149
20 Jun 2014 07:38 PM
give me more feedback children
i need motivation to continue
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Rivalize is not online. Rivalize
Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 5826
20 Jun 2014 07:39 PM
very nice gj assalto
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Assalto is not online. Assalto
Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 9149
20 Jun 2014 07:39 PM
thx rivalize sir
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