DAVID3788
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| Joined: 02 Dec 2008 |
| Total Posts: 2972 |
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| 18 Jun 2014 12:43 AM |
life life itself dark as the night yet shines brighter than day
life twists and turns down different roads until you reach.
*snaps* |
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| 18 Jun 2014 12:44 AM |
| ᖷuɔʞ ʜɘɿ ɿiǫʜƚ in ƚʜɘ quƨƨy |
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| 18 Jun 2014 12:45 AM |
i reach what? the climax? hot |
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| 18 Jun 2014 12:45 AM |
| This poem is not worthy of Shortstory's poems |
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| 18 Jun 2014 12:46 AM |
lel y dusnt it rhyme?
Kidding, kidding. While I've personally never been a fan of freeverse, I think you did a rather good job. I liked the contrast between night and day in the first stanza. However, the ending needs work. While I get what you were going for with the open ending, it could use some work. Like giving some hint to the close at least. Also, I feel as though your message could be better conveyed if you drew it out over several stanza's. |
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| 18 Jun 2014 12:47 AM |
| @Xylo- Haha, thank you. But I don't really want to be held as a standard for somebody. I'd rather just let people do what they do without being held up against something else. Just hold it against its own merit, and if possible, hold it against his own poems. So long as he's improving, he's doing well. |
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