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Re: Darkness: The Book

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QuickAl is not online. QuickAl
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 59
25 May 2014 01:56 PM
Lewis wasn't like any other ordinary Robloxian in the academic field.
To much of his parent's honor and his older brother's jealousy, Lewis excelled in every class thrown at him, even in advanced courses that seldom anyone stayed in for more than three days. The people who did, however, were pulled and prodded to their limits, nearly on the edge of insanity, but Lewis passed them with ease.
The teacher loved slapping an arm down on his shoulder and brag about his flair in science. The people listening were astounded, but Lewis was hardly moved. Of course, he had figured out a long time ago that his academic actions in science were greater than the other courses, and it was undeniably his most favorable course of all.
Graduating from college at the age of twelve opened up a lot of doors for Lewis. He began to notice that his skin was a pasty white from his time studying indoors, and this was one of the reasons that pushed him to participate in more outdoor activity.
He soon found though, that the urge to not take a book with him to the football field, or the park, or somewhere else was simply impossible. He now had a full tan, sure, and he looked far more appealing in his muscular and abs area, but his fuel was supplied by reading and knowledge.
So that's why, at the age of twenty-two, Lewis was admitted into the Robloxian Laboratory, the jewel of people like himself - smart. He was required to wear a lab coat and bring two or more sports drinks and food consisting of breakfast, dinner, and lunch. All employees were permitted into the lab at 4:30 AM sharp, and anyone a minute late was blocked and not let in.
Lewis, on arriving at the lab on his first day working there, was not given any special treatment for being the newly employed. In fact, as soon as he took a step onto the lab's cool, metal floor, a man wearing mismatched clothes jumped in front of him with clipboard and pen.
"Are you Mr. Cunningham?" the man asked in a faint lisp.
"Yes," Lewis replied, shifting his duffel-bag up on his right shoulder a little, but he could see the man was already scribbling it down in fluent cursive. Without skipping a beat, the man snapped upward like a soldier at attention and broadly proclaimed, "Mr. Cunningham, you will be in Sector 34, sir, under authorization as the humanoid general practitioner."
I doctor this creature, whatever it is, Lewis thought to himself. He thanked the man kindheartedly, who scurried off to another employee, who seemed to have trouble fitting his lunch into his small briefcase. Lewis strode past them and to a shelf stocked with thick lab brochures and maps of all sectors. He slipped out a map and opened it up, scanning for Sector 34.
Sector 34, it turned out, was located at one of the corners of the lab. To get in, Lewis was told to press a green button on the side of the door, and it would slide open easily. He shifted his duffel-bag a little, then lightly pressed the green button. He noted that it was cracked, and looked like it would break apart soon. Dangerous wires stuck out of it like tentacles, buzzing with electricity.
The door didn't slide open at first. Lewis stood there, puzzled, then pressed the button again. No luck. Surely this lab could afford or create convenient and easy to use doors, Lewis thought to himself in amazement. After pressing the green button the third time, the door rumbled greatly, then with a deafening screech, began to slide open, stopping some, then starting up again, until finally it opened up all the way.
Clutching his ears in pain, Lewis strode briskly through the door (which closed behind him, still making a roaring amount of noise) and found himself in a totally empty room.
Well, not completely empty. It's just that the lack of desks or any scientific supplies to work with surprised Lewis so deeply. A medicine ball and an exercise ball sat next to each other on the floor, and some squeaky toys and a sort of jungle gym was tucked away in the corner. In the other corner, though, was a large glass tube that stretched from the floor all the way to the ceiling. Inside of it was some sort of dark, human-like creature bobbing up and down softly in what seemed like a load of chemicals. It didn't do anything; it appeared to be unconscious or asleep.
His fellow scientists were spread about the room, some staring at books rested on their knees or others doing a check of the amount of toys and balls on the floor. One stood at the bottom of the jungle gym with a piece of paper, while another hurried up the jungle gym and plopped down on top of the monkey bars. "Sturdy!" he called down, and the first scientist scribbled something down with a pen.
Lewis cleared his throat and set his bag down by the wall, where everyone else had deposited their own. He walked awkwardly to the two workout balls. He was about to say something to one of the scientists, but the one he was aiming to talk too threw his hands up in the air and yelled in anger and rage.
"Are you vacuous? Demonstrably, the medicine ball lacks to assume a spherical formation! It has evidently defunct its air supply! Get a pump, bozo!"
The other one countered in a calmer tone, "As you should already know, the admin department will not permit us to use an air pump in this particular confined bijou laboratory."
They continued to argue, their voices rising with each comeback. After observing them fight for a while, Lewis grew bored of hearing grown men fight about an air pump and went over to the large tube to observe the specimen. It wasn't furry or anything. It sort of had the appearance of a large figurine. Looking closer, it didn't have a face, either. Or ears. It was just a human without the attachments or accessories.
That's when Lewis noticed the array of buttons running down the side of the tube. He took a step towards it. The buttons were numbered, and very neon, so much that they hurt his eyes. He reached out and ran his hand across one row. The buttons were very smooth, he realized.
That's when he was punched in the shoulder. It wasn't enough to cause any real damage, but enough to make him stumble back a little. He got his footing and observed the person who punched him. It was a female with short, light brown hair. Underneath her lab coat, she wore a rock concert t-shirt, and below that was a pair of denim shorts, and more below that was a pair of blue sneakers.
"Ow," Lewis said pitifully, but the girl wasn't offended by her actions. She glared into his face, clenching her fists.
"Never, ever, touch the buttons unless allowed to by a higher ranked scientist or by the general practitioner," she muttered.
"I am the general practitioner," he boasted, stifling a laugh at this women's attempt to make herself look tough. Lewis knew, deep inside, that people such as him were looked down upon socially, and if she did this in front of anyone else, she would be laughed at.
Her face went red, and her anger grew. "Do you have any medical background?"
"Yes," Lewis said. "I began medical research at the age of fourteen, and began practicing surgeries by the age of eighteen."
"How long were you in the business?"
He flicked his eyes at her. "I don't like to think of it as a business," I said. "I like to think of it has saving lives."
That brought her down a little.
Lewis sighed, then answered her original question. "I stopped soon after I received the notification of myself being employed here."

/end of chapter 1
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xapa is not online. xapa
Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 4669
25 May 2014 02:05 PM
It's pretty good, actually.

'"I stopped soon after I received the notification of myself being employed here."'

Was that supposed to be some sort of cliffhanger ending?
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QuickAl is not online. QuickAl
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 59
25 May 2014 02:07 PM
@xapa

I'm glad you liked it :D
And no, it wasn't supposed to be some sort of cliffhanger ending. I just thought that if I went further, the post would be too long and it wouldn't allow me to post it :P
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xapa is not online. xapa
Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 4669
25 May 2014 09:16 PM
oh ok
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QuickAl is not online. QuickAl
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 59
26 May 2014 10:32 AM
Bump.
I need more feedback before I go off and start making a second chapter.
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QuickAl is not online. QuickAl
Joined: 04 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 59
26 May 2014 06:35 PM
Hm. Well, onward.

The woman eyed him, almost like scaling him up and down. Finally, she stuck out a hand.
"Volo Proditio," she declared as Lewis grasped her wee hand.
"Lewis van Cunningham," Lewis said, staring into her dark green eyes, trying to deprive something from their murky depths. She was unreadable, but something about her seemed oddly alarming, somewhat. Lewis, in no way, found her the least bit attractive. The only thing he loved was being a doctor, venerable books, and science. But being around her, he felt like being concealed in a very dark room; he had to be extra cautious, as not to hurt himself.
Feeling very awkward all of a sudden, Lewis nodded a head towards the trapped humanoid. "This...what is it?" he inquired. She didn't even flash a gaze in the thing's direction.
"'It' is a creature we like to call Charlie. He-"
"How is it a creature? I say it looks quiet human-like."
Volo shook her head, pursing her lips. "He is not a human."
Lewis studied it, thinking. "It reminds me of a shadow."
Volo groaned. "Mr. Cunningham, refer to it as "he," not it! We have dedicated our lives to this soulful creature, and I do not appreciate our work being referred to as an it."
Lewis was about to say something, but she cut in like a knife. "We nurture and watch over this thing like one of our own. He's our job, Lewis. He's our life."
Lewis stared at her questioningly, tilting his head to the side, wondering what set her off like that. One minute she was talking calmly about the creature's name, now she was hissing at him in anger. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared down at the floor, scuffing his shoes against the metal. "Guess so," he grumbled.
Volo stared at him, then sighed halfheartedly. "Just...the endeavor of living with Charlie really...just moved my life from its darkness. That sounds weird, but, yeah-"
"All stations checked and ready for use!" a seemingly acquiescent scientist shouted from across the room, dancing from foot to foot in a weird dance and looking like he would burst from excitement. Volo sprang into action, slapping a button on the tube, washing the chemicals into an unseen drain.
The humanoid slipped down to the floor harmlessly, then stood on its legs, wobbling and sleepy-like. Lewis noticed now, that it was on contact with the floor of the tube, it was about two inches shorter than himself. Voto pressed another button, and punched in numbers on a keypad.
She turned to Lewis, her mouth agape as if to say something, then shook her head slowly and closed it. She pressed the "enter" button on the keypad, and the door on the tube swung open, slamming into Lewis' face. The force of the impact sent him flying off the low stairs leading up to the tube, and he went sprawling out across the ground. He slid into the medicine ball, and a dull thud echoed throughout the room.
"Sorry!" Voto apologized, but Lewis could swear he heard Voto giggle gently behind the door.
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jackrr is not online. jackrr
Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 9119
26 May 2014 07:33 PM
Your writing's great, but the plot is a little bit flat and I wish you would give Lewis more character, not just that he's smart and nice.
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