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| 16 May 2014 04:28 PM |
Paradise
Palm trees overhead,
Bright blue waves crash over the grainy sand,
The sweet scent of ocean breeze.
The seagulls fly above, bursting with their loud calls.
The sunset makes an orange-pink color across the horizon.
You sink into the sandy earth.
You are home again.
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dribson
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
| Total Posts: 13635 |
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| 16 May 2014 04:34 PM |
| Pretty good. Maybe work on rhyme scheme and structure a little bit. |
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| 16 May 2014 04:36 PM |
@drib
well i didnt want a rhyme
not all poems have to have it
and it's not completely done
but ty for feedback |
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| 16 May 2014 04:36 PM |
| you could use more descriptive verbs but i like it |
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| 16 May 2014 04:37 PM |
Perhaps add some more descriptive words, I agree
but I like it |
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