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Re: my poem

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OceanWavess is not online. OceanWavess
Joined: 20 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 9548
16 May 2014 04:28 PM
Paradise


Palm trees overhead,

Bright blue waves crash over the grainy sand,

The sweet scent of ocean breeze.


The seagulls fly above, bursting with their loud calls.

The sunset makes an orange-pink color across the horizon.

You sink into the sandy earth.

You are home again.
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ToenailCliqpings is not online. ToenailCliqpings
Joined: 02 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 4516
16 May 2014 04:29 PM
:) nice

im hip im cool
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OceanWavess is not online. OceanWavess
Joined: 20 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 9548
16 May 2014 04:33 PM
tysm : )
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dribson is not online. dribson
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 13635
16 May 2014 04:34 PM
Pretty good. Maybe work on rhyme scheme and structure a little bit.
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OceanWavess is not online. OceanWavess
Joined: 20 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 9548
16 May 2014 04:36 PM
@drib

well i didnt want a rhyme

not all poems have to have it

and it's not completely done

but ty for feedback
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momomarshmallow is not online. momomarshmallow
Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 14347
16 May 2014 04:36 PM
you could use more descriptive verbs but i like it
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madhornet5 is not online. madhornet5
Joined: 13 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 8169
16 May 2014 04:37 PM
Perhaps add some more descriptive words, I agree

but I like it
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