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Re: Just Love <3 Chapter 1

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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:26 AM
once apon a time, there was a princess with long hair. she was very sad because she wanted to cut it but her mom wouldn't let her. and she locked her in a tall tower with no scissors or sharp thingys. then the prince went down an old abandoned path and he saw a tower. and in the towers window. was a sad princess. he yelled up "why are you sad?" and she replyed "because my hair is too long and I cant cut it!" then the prince said "well let your hair down and ill cut it for you." and so the princess did. under the weight of her own hair she fell out the window. she landed in the princes arms. she got up and he cut her hair. then they rode off into the sunset until they fell into the ocean and died.




(more chapters to come! this was my first story so comment your thoughts!)
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:28 AM
please put your thoughts!
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:29 AM
please I worked an hour on this!
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:30 AM
A hour!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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JPFan is not online. JPFan
Joined: 11 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 11110
22 Mar 2014 10:31 AM
8/10, this is literally better than majority of the stuff written here.
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alannalypinky is not online. alannalypinky
Joined: 27 May 2012
Total Posts: 3975
22 Mar 2014 10:32 AM
No, it's really not. It's a rip off of an old fairy tale, it has no grammar, and the amount of time spent on it vs. quality? That ratio is very skewed.

"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:32 AM
ok so we just saw a story and made it a love story but with a plot twist an stuff
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JPFan is not online. JPFan
Joined: 11 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 11110
22 Mar 2014 10:32 AM
@alannal;
How long have you been here?
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:33 AM
I wrote World Walkers in a hour and Connected World.

Most of my roleplays really.
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:34 AM
really what?
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alannalypinky is not online. alannalypinky
Joined: 27 May 2012
Total Posts: 3975
22 Mar 2014 10:35 AM
I don't know how long I've been here, but this is stupid.

"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:35 AM
http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=128415183

In one hour.

I wrote more in my first roleplay.
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starfire6030 is not online. starfire6030
Joined: 22 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 2622
22 Mar 2014 10:37 AM
Did you even read it all? Jesus christ...
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alannalypinky is not online. alannalypinky
Joined: 27 May 2012
Total Posts: 3975
22 Mar 2014 10:38 AM
I did read it. It's a Raspunsul rip-off with a rushed death at the end. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:39 AM
1 hour

For a ripoff of a popular story with a different ending.

No grammar or anything
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:39 AM
chapter 2

as soon as the queen heard of this tragic event. she sent off her servants. to fetch the bodies. she had a funeral the same day. and got everybody to go by force. most people say that the funeral was tacky ugly and unrespectful to the souls. although the queen tried her best to make the guests happy it didn't work. she tried everything. like bribary and kittens. when the guests left she closed the gates and caused the dark days. the kingdom was covered with dark clouds. and little sun got through. this lasted for many many years. until one hero rose out of the darkness.

(comment your thoughts!)
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kattnisskid is not online. kattnisskid
Joined: 11 May 2013
Total Posts: 5973
22 Mar 2014 10:40 AM
I agree with alanna, it has no original plot apart from the rushed death at the end.
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:41 AM
Oh noes bad things, so bad that the sun for some reason stop shining. Look guise there some hero.

Plot twist!
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kattnisskid is not online. kattnisskid
Joined: 11 May 2013
Total Posts: 5973
22 Mar 2014 10:43 AM
Oh my how unexpected! Does the hero fight the queen who turns into a dragon?
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:44 AM
Will sum hott gurl kiss him?

So much amazement.
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pinkpinkbaby is not online. pinkpinkbaby
Joined: 04 May 2013
Total Posts: 727
22 Mar 2014 10:44 AM
it was supposed to be like repunzul at first and the rushed death was SUPPOSED to be like that if you don't like our story then don't comment mean things keep it to your self cause cuit frankly we don't want to hear it
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Tailsdahfox136 is not online. Tailsdahfox136
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 4488
22 Mar 2014 10:44 AM
Or does the queen get beaten by seven dwarves?
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kattnisskid is not online. kattnisskid
Joined: 11 May 2013
Total Posts: 5973
22 Mar 2014 10:45 AM
Who is we? Is it like a royal we or are there others who you've dragged in?
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alannalypinky is not online. alannalypinky
Joined: 27 May 2012
Total Posts: 3975
22 Mar 2014 10:45 AM
Who's 'we'? Also, you ASKED for comments. With a bad story, you get bad comments. Deal with it, pinky.

"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin
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vamking12 is not online. vamking12
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 17651
22 Mar 2014 10:46 AM
Still this isn't even average work for us.
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