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Re: guide to surviving a noob wave

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AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON is not online. AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 365
21 Mar 2014 11:36 PM
I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.
II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.
Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.

* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.

B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS

I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as "n00bish." It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.
II. Where to find n00bs
On the internet, n00bs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies. THE BANNER HAMMER is one form of authority.
III. Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite aggressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid succession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate ret@rd).
IV. Noob Religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.
V. More about noob habitats
Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish.
I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.
II. Major noob avoiding strategies
The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. If not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it.
N00b Talk: LAlWAlwalwalWAWLAWLAWA!~!~!~!!!11!!! 1M NOtttt N0000BZ

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RandomKittehy is not online. RandomKittehy
Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 949
21 Mar 2014 11:37 PM
I just read the first paragraph, and I am happy to say that this is stupid. C:
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AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON is not online. AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 365
21 Mar 2014 11:38 PM
So are you.C:
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metaknight200 is not online. metaknight200
Joined: 31 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 15786
21 Mar 2014 11:38 PM
tl;dr version: stop, drop and roll


-Living Like ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ-
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AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON is not online. AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 365
21 Mar 2014 11:40 PM
Pretty much but some noobs found out about fiddler.
@meta
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Photographist is not online. Photographist
Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 9858
21 Mar 2014 11:41 PM
I just read the first paragraph, and I am happy to say that this is stupid. C: [2]
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AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON is not online. AWESOMEFLYINGDRAGON
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 365
21 Mar 2014 11:41 PM
So are you.C: [2]
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metaknight200 is not online. metaknight200
Joined: 31 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 15786
21 Mar 2014 11:41 PM
"fiddler"

if that's this custom animation thing i've been hearing about, what does that have to do with anything

just dark souls the nope out of the way


-Living Like ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ-
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Photographist is not online. Photographist
Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 9858
21 Mar 2014 11:42 PM
You have too much free time

do you even go outside
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metaknight200 is not online. metaknight200
Joined: 31 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 15786
21 Mar 2014 11:42 PM
@photo

it's late

the spooky skeletons are out around now


-Living Like ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ-
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