tezakat
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 1301 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 03:51 PM |
She sat in the den, avoiding the outdoors, which was unusually dark and stormy for a mid-afternoon. The wind howled past her window as she sat at her computer desk, fooling around on Roblox. While doing her normal routine of roleplaying after checking her messages, the speakers began to act up. It started off as a quiet hum, but gradually crescendoed louder and louder. The speakers were now buzzing and crackling, along with a ringing which sounded like that in the ear after a day in the crowd. As the speakers multiplied their volume by the minute, she decided to call the computer help operator. The operator began to answer the call, but was cut off. At that same instant, she heard the screams on the other lines: "WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!" and "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT~" All in that instant, the speakers roared the loudest they ever were and ever would be again; the computer screen went blindingly white; the overhead light went so bright that it shattered; there was thunder rumbling and shaking the house; the lightning flashed viciously; the screams got louder! The noise was deafening! The light was more than blinding! I feared for my life!!!
Then, everything stopped. The voices cut off. The speakers went dead. The power shut off. The storm halted. Time itself went still. A single voice spoke. "Good night ... Forever." Too late I realized that the dark voice was directly behind me, and I felt a dull pain as the floor spiraled to my face, and the world went spinning into darkness. |
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tezakat
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 1301 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:34 PM |
| This was inspired by a really strange dream. :P I modified the story to make it better and less random tho ^.^ |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3499 |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:40 PM |
| Indeed. What a wonderful little place this is. |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:46 PM |
| Oh. OP. Quick question. If your protagonist dies how is he speaking in the first person? |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:47 PM |
Oh. OP. Quick question. If your protagonist dies how is he speaking in the first person?
past tense. |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:49 PM |
@tim
This is just a preparation zone for the true Hell. |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:50 PM |
past tense.
He's dead. Who's he speaking to?
Maybe he's explaining why he dies so that he can go to heaven and not purgatory.
Meh. I suppose that's a good an answer as any. |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:54 PM |
He's dead. Who's he speaking to?
He's in front of St Peter, who is judging where he should go.
@tim
Because life is the longest, freaking test. Ever. |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3499 |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
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| 19 Mar 2014 05:59 PM |
I know.
I'm getting ready for a party. |
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eikoopmit
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| Joined: 10 Oct 2012 |
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tezakat
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 1301 |
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| 20 Mar 2014 03:51 PM |
| I am indeed new, and I'll probably stay. And ... What's with the "new to writing" thing? Is it really that bad?! I mean, I haven't written a ton of stuff, but I'm better at writing than I used to be :/ |
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unic
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| Joined: 25 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 109 |
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| 20 Mar 2014 04:21 PM |
This story for some reason Reminds me of Creepypasta's.
But apart from that, this is Amazing. This could be turned into a Story. (If it isn't one.)
P.S Thanks for the Puncake, Tez. =3
~Unic |
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tezakat
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 1301 |
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| 20 Mar 2014 04:54 PM |
:D Thanks and you're welcome! |
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Kipec
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2010 |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
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| 20 Mar 2014 05:16 PM |
It's not that it's a bad story... I mean, it'd probably get you a good mark in a school paper, it's just that some people here have EXTREMELY high expectations... But it's okay, live up to those expectations and you'll be pro quality, or almost there.
Bannanachair 10K unleashed! Vote: http://strawpoll.me/1338007 |
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tezakat
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 1301 |
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| 20 Mar 2014 05:56 PM |
| Well, high expectations push the performer to work harder and be stronger! ;-; So, I'll do my best at my stories, and if people don't like it, instead of complaining, they can give advice! Constructive criticism is good too ^_^ |
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| 20 Mar 2014 05:59 PM |
To be honest, I've never seen an RP-subforum-newbie write so good. Usually, they write somewhat like this:
ther is exploosin an wurld bloez up
But yours is different altogether.
THIS
IS
WONDERFUL |
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