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Re: Opinions on a Thesis

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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:17 PM
Not the right crowd, I know. Listen, though. I am working on writing a hefty synthesis essay on Fitzgerald's opinion and portrayal of American society in the 1920s. I can pump out a "B" paper in about an hour and a half, but first I need to make sure my thesis is sound.

Feel free to critique it all you like. For reference on where I am in school, I am a Junior and this is for an AP Language and Composition class.

"Fitzgerald uses his work, The Great Gatsby, to portray his views on how the american dream has been corrupted by the careless rich whose endless chase for their heart's desires leads to an unsatisfying and hypocritical life. "

I appreciate all the help I can get. I have support for my claim, this is just the thesis.

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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:26 PM
No one? Anyone? I realize that you guys aren't quite at my level of education yet, but I just need feedback on whether it sounds good or not. If you've read the book, great! There's no one else I can run it by.
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zbaddude2 is not online. zbaddude2
Joined: 12 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1897
10 Mar 2014 11:33 PM
Hmm i find your thesis complex and focused, correct me if i am wrong but is not great Gatsby high school level stuff? Its not all that advanced, i passed English 101 with a 3.5 GPA and i barely even tried.
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BlackCrisisDrone is not online. BlackCrisisDrone
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 31673
10 Mar 2014 11:34 PM
Hey can you write my "night" assessment for me please
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heartstringshi is not online. heartstringshi
Joined: 08 Mar 2014
Total Posts: 98
10 Mar 2014 11:35 PM
how about you revise it to this

"by the careless whose endless chase for wealth and satisfaction of their hearts' desires to an unsatisfying and hypocritical life*"
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heartstringshi is not online. heartstringshi
Joined: 08 Mar 2014
Total Posts: 98
10 Mar 2014 11:38 PM
lead to an*

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FatalDesires is not online. FatalDesires
Joined: 02 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 17945
10 Mar 2014 11:38 PM
Nice.
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:40 PM
@Zbad, I'm a Junior in high school in AP Language and Composition. The paper is supposed to be pretty complex and nuanced. Can't really get good grades in AP classes by "barely even try[ing]." I'll take the first part of your statement as my thesis was good. In which case I should get back to work.

@Black, I already read that book. Didn't really care for it. As for writing your paper, sorry, but no. I have my plate full with school.
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vienna456 is not online. vienna456
Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 15043
10 Mar 2014 11:44 PM
i like that statement


you should bring in how Fitzgerald ironically didnt become famous (or his writings)
till after he died

it would come together nice with your statement


The Great Gatsby did quite poorly when first was out and even the critics at the

time didnt like it.
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:45 PM
@Heart, So you think it has a flow problem? Or that it sounds more sophisticated that way?
I phrased it "careless rich" because not all of the careless are seeking wealth. All of the wealthy are careless, however. I can see where you are coming from, though.
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AlixeTiir is not online. AlixeTiir
Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 6179
10 Mar 2014 11:47 PM
I've never actually read the great gatsby, sorry.

~you're just 5-liters of blood sloshing in a meatbag
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:48 PM
@Vienna, Could you explain how Fitzgerald's work did not become noteworthy until after his death relates to his views on society in the 1920s? I'm not really seeing the connection.
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heartstringshi is not online. heartstringshi
Joined: 08 Mar 2014
Total Posts: 98
10 Mar 2014 11:48 PM
"Or that it sounds more sophisticated that way?"

In some writing classes I was taught to put people before adjectives and things like that

either way sounds good, just trying to give you some ideas
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:49 PM
And I appreciate the ideas. I can't write a good paper without a foolproof thesis.
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:51 PM
The one other restraint that I'm facing with this paper is some banned words:
I
You
Is
Are
Was
Were
Be
Been
Give(s)(en)

So I'll need to edit my existing thesis slightly to remove that "been."
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vienna456 is not online. vienna456
Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 15043
10 Mar 2014 11:51 PM
@zipo

i just meant how the book is about wealth and fame...and how its interesting

that Fitzgerald didnt have any of that...even after he published his works

(i realize that gatsby (the character) was fake wealth and fame

but i just find it interesting

and i think Fitzgerald was never after that....but saw the interest in those

who were
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
10 Mar 2014 11:54 PM
Toodles OT. Thanks for the ideas given. I should go into over drive now.
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Lckelear is not online. Lckelear
Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 6998
10 Mar 2014 11:55 PM
>I realize that you guys aren't quite at my level of education yet, but



just stop

you dont need to say anything more
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Zipo99 is not online. Zipo99
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 5344
11 Mar 2014 12:19 AM
Intro for those interested. This will be my last update:

Often referred to as the Great American Novel, The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald ultimately depicts the pursuit of one of the most sought after dreams, the American Dream. This dream embodied American society in the 1920s as consumerism, capitalism, and the thrills of the good life were on the rise. People were buying more stuff, chasing wealth and satisfaction, and the economy was booming because of it. American society in the 1920s, however, was not without its faults. The prohibition of alcohol made what was otherwise a common pastime illegal. In a society that frowned so much upon being naughty, however, it was ever so good at it. After all, what was once widely considered acceptable no longer was. This turned the consumption of alcohol into a thrill for the rich and the poor alike. This distressing recreation combined with people's frivolous buy, buy, buy attitude when it came to attaining happiness led to the unsightly reality of true 1920s society. Fitzgerald uses his work, The Great Gatsby, to portray his views on how the American dream has been corrupted by the careless rich whose endless chase for their heart's desires ultimately leads to an unsatisfying and hypocritical life.
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