vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 17651 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 06:54 PM |
(Spend a hour editing this crap. ) The year is 8268 Yellowstone park is still a popular place to go. Despite the super volcano under it, well one day someone discovered it would explode in a week, it didn't, it happened in a day one freaking day. The smoke choked every single human that is the ones who didn't burn to death. Everyone has to say good-bye to their life and die, all has to meet the reaper. Everything the humans did everything they said and everything they made gone. gone forever, except one thing their robots their steel skin didn't melt away and the smoke didn't hurt them, they had no idea what was happening, to them earth was still great and powerful, to them the land was still lush and green, to them their creator was still alive, so for the first month they did their duties giving to them, as if nothing has happened to them or the world around them, then after doing such things for the next they waited for their creator to come back to tell them what to do next, their creators never came back, so for next month they looked for their creators, none of them could find their creator, after this their independent function turned on and they just started wandering earth looking for their new life, forgetting their most important thought. "Where did my creator go? " You are one of the many robots who survived, what will you do wandering this dead earth?
Rules 1. Godmodders and Meta gamers will be found by super assassin robot H6-B7 then shot 8 billion times. 2. Keep the romance to a minimum 3. You're on earth 4. Be nice to admins 5. Admins are Only Me so far. 6. You can not be H6-B7 7. My longest roleplay was three pages, don't expect me to be a good op. 8. Have fun!
CS: What did your creator call you?: How many years has it been since you were made?: What design are you?: What Trait inputs did you get?: Why were you Builded?: Any skills you were made with?: Anything else?:
and powerful, to them the land was still lush and green, to them their creator was still alive, so for the first month they did their duties giving to them, as if nothing has happened to them or the world around them, then after doing such things for the next they waited for their creator to come back to tell them what to do next, their creators never came back, so for next month they looked for their creators, none of them could find their creator, after this their independent function turned on and they just started wandering earth looking for their new life, forgetting their most important thought. "Where did my creator go? " You are one of the many robots who survived, what will you do wandering this dead earth?
Rules 1. Godmodders and Meta gamers will be found by super assassin robot H6-B7 then shot 8 billion times. 2. Keep the romance to a minimum 3. You're on earth 4. Be nice to admins 5. Admins are Hydregion and Me so far. 6. You can not be H6-B7 7. My longest roleplay was three pages, don't expect me to be a good op. 8. Have fun!
CS: What did your creator call you?: How many years has it been since you were made?: What design are you?: What Trait inputs did you get?: Why were you Builded?: Any skills you were made with?: Anything else?:
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 17651 |
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Fraility
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| Joined: 06 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 237 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:23 PM |
There are RPs which are too vapid and boring to be interesting.
And then there are RPs which try to cram so much convoluted plot and half-baked ideas into a single exposition that it's an absolutely incomprehensible train wreck. A hilarious one, too. |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
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AlphaX10
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| Joined: 13 Jun 2008 |
| Total Posts: 7671 |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
| Total Posts: 17651 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:26 PM |
| Why is no one commenting about the role play being written twice, starting from the middle of the plot? |
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Fraility
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| Joined: 06 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 237 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:27 PM |
"And you are?"
yourlogicalfallacyis.com/genetic |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
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Kipec
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10272 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:28 PM |
| vam, I can help you with the story it is sort of- mixed. |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
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Kipec
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10272 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:33 PM |
| Okay, so I see you want all the humans to die... How about instead of Yellowstone exploding the sun transforms into a red giant sucking earth into itself. Or a nuclear war? |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
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Kipec
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10272 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:35 PM |
| Also you need to start off the story in detail the creation of the robots and the advancements in human history to get them interested and to read on. |
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vamking12
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| Joined: 08 May 2010 |
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Kipec
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 10272 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:40 PM |
So here is like a planning sheet.
How they invented the robots and what for (War, Jobs, etc.).
The time before the nuclear war and why it had happened.
What the earth looks like after the war.
Have the robots perspective.
End with a bang like: They are all gone... |
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Fraility
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| Joined: 06 Sep 2013 |
| Total Posts: 237 |
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| 08 Mar 2014 07:47 PM |
"Okay, so I see you want all the humans to die... How about instead of Yellowstone exploding the sun transforms into a red giant sucking earth into itself. Or a nuclear war?"
That isn't much better.
The problem is that his story tries to put too much in front of the reader before they have a chance to digest a thing, and rushes through it without even trying to explain. And because he doesn't give any time to elucidate his ideas, they are confusing and sound downright stupid. This is exacerbated by a bunch of spelling, punctuation and syntax mistakes that only make it its camp-factor worse.
It resembles what a 10 year old would write for a short story contest. |
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