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| 04 Mar 2014 06:00 AM |
Dear Parents/Guardians,
Your child has been accepted to Sky Hawk Boarding School! We know that they are intelligent spies waiting to learn more. Once the get here we will have to wipe away all there thoughts including you. They will be safe with us with our high security shield around the castle. They will be sharing a dorm with a person. But, this school isn't only for spies. Magic users come here to study deeper magic. No fights will occur. Sometimes, our shield can break. We usually have battles with a real villain or another school. Say if you have a magical daughter/son they will be separated from the spies. No one is allowed out of there dorms after 12:00. If they are caught, there will be a severe punishment. Sky Hawk has a schedule that looks a little like this:
Breakfast: 6:00 to 6:30
Free Time 6:30 to 7:30
Dueling class: 7:30 to 8:00
Locker Break 8:00 to 8:05
Astronomy: 8:10 to 8:30
History: 8:30 to 10:00
Free Time: 10:00 to 11:30
Lunch: 11:30 to 12:30
Free Time: 12:30 to 2:00
Defense Test: 2:00 to 4:00
Offence Test: 4:00 to 6:00
Dinner: 6:00 to 8:00
Free Time: 8:00 to 12:00
Lights out! : 12:00
The schedule may change but that is the main game. We are looking forward to meeting your child.
Sincerely,
Headmistress Gandolia
CS
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Appearance:
Personality:
Spy or Magic?:
Bio:
Other:
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 04 Mar 2014 06:10 AM |
Time to get really pissed off at your bad grammar and correct everything for you! And make a derpy comment or two at your timetable.
Dear Parents/Guardians,
Your child has been accepted to Sky Hawk Boarding School. (This is a declarative sentence, not an exclamatory sentence.) We know that they are intelligent spies waiting to learn more. Once they get here we will have to wipe away all their thoughts, including you (Corrected spelling and added a comma). They will be safe with us with our high security shield around the castle. (Removed a sentence because you didn't need to explain what a boarding school is) But, this school isn't only for spies, as magic users come here to study deeper magic (Using too many short sentences is annoying). (Removed a sentence due to it being contradictory with a later sentence). Sometimes, our shield can break. We usually have battles with a real villain or another school. If you have a magical daughter/son they will be separated from the spies (Corrected sentence structure by removing a useless word). No one is allowed out of their dorms after 12:00 (GOD DAMN IT, AT LEAST USE PROPER THERE/THEIR/THEY'RE! AND SPECIFY WHICH TWELVE, PLEASE!). If they are caught, there will be a severe punishment. This is the Sky Hawk schedule (Adjusted sentence because the tone that you used was too informal for a formal letter):
Breakfast: 6:00 to 6:30
Free Time 6:30 to 7:30
Dueling class: 7:30 to 8:00
Locker Break 8:00 to 8:05
Astronomy: 8:10 to 8:30 (HOLY SHT, YOU HAVE AN ASTRONOMY CLASS? SIGN ME UP!)
History: 8:30 to 10:00
Free Time: 10:00 to 11:30
Lunch: 11:30 to 12:30
Free Time: 12:30 to 2:00
Defense Test: 2:00 to 4:00
Offence Test: 4:00 to 6:00
Dinner: 6:00 to 8:00 (Because it takes TWO BLOODY HOURS TO EAT DINNER!)
Free Time: 8:00 to 12:00
Lights out! : 12:00 (Because we need only sleep for six hours...)
The schedule may change at our discretion (Adjusted due to your informal tone). We are looking forward to meeting your child.
Sincerely,
Headmistress Gandolia
CS
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Appearance:
Personality:
Spy or Magic?:
Bio:
Other:
The Bannanachairs have won the war! |
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| 04 Mar 2014 06:13 AM |
| Yeah Tim uhm.... I just copied and pasted this from my other RP of this that died at 88 pages.... .-. |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 04 Mar 2014 06:14 AM |
Well, please at least take my grammar adjustments into consideration.
The Bannanachairs have won the war! |
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| 04 Mar 2014 07:47 AM |
| oh sir Tim, you crack me up |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 05 Mar 2014 03:36 AM |
I wasn't joking about any of the above.
The Bannanachairs have won the war! |
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