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Goat Petting Simulator is a piece of art.

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conners2 is not online. conners2
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 5722
13 Feb 2014 03:09 PM
Cicadas chirp. Birds sing. The sun is shining. A light breeze stirs the grass. A few meters away from you stands a goat in a pen.

This is Goat Petting Simulator (free for Mac and Windows), one of just a series of simulation games by Aussie developer Chris Hall, whose oeuvre includes such leviathans as Grass Simulator 2013 and Hospital Patient Simulator.

Excitedly, we walk towards the goat. There are few goats in the Sydney city area. This is a rare opportunity. A left-click of the mouse lowers our extended hand to pet the goat's head. The goat baas.

It appears to have a simple heart — allowing those who experience a serious lack of goat petting in their lives to fill that hole — but we suspect something more sinister is at play, given Hall's penchant for horror. After a while, the sound of the cicadas becomes oppressive. The goat doesn't move. The sunlight feels like a hot weight.

Weary of petting, we turn to explore the world of Goat Petting Simulator. A vast expanse stretches endlessly ahead. Holding the W key, we start for the horizon. It's then that we notice the protagonist's gait: off-kilter, as though walking with a limp. Why? How?

Considering the vast wilderness, away from the small haven containing grass, trees and goat, we're struck by the combination of goat and wasteland. It reminds us of the scapegoat of Leviticus 16:21-22:

"And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins. And he shall put them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness by the hand of a man who is in readiness. The goat shall bear all their iniquities on itself to a remote area, and he shall let the goat go free in the wilderness."

Granted, it is the human, not the goat, walking into the wilderness. Is this a lesson of some kind? Is Hall trying to tell us that our transgressions are our own, and that we must carry them ourselves? That our rites for evading responsibility are a sham?

Eventually, we walk off the edge of the world. We release the W key. The arrhythmic footsteps continue. The cicadas continue. The land, the goat, have disappeared. There is nothing but cloud. Unnerved for a reason we can't quite explain, we kill the game.

We're still not sure what it was we experienced. Goat Petting Simulator calls itself "The most extreme goat petting simulator experience out there", with a super-sweary trailer for emphasis. It's a claim we can't refute, but if you open your mind and your imagination, Goat Petting Simulator has something much deeper to offer.
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conners2 is not online. conners2
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 5722
13 Feb 2014 03:16 PM
This is a fantastic game.
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conners2 is not online. conners2
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 5722
13 Feb 2014 03:17 PM
Do not even get me STARTED on Grass Simulator 2013. The game's tranquility is phenomenal. Makes me which I could be grass full time.
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Feminists is not online. Feminists
Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 1713
13 Feb 2014 03:18 PM
calao are you high ♥♥
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iwantpsp is not online. iwantpsp
Joined: 07 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 14291
13 Feb 2014 03:19 PM
are you high x2
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Skanea is not online. Skanea
Joined: 08 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 23000
13 Feb 2014 03:21 PM
is it real

Official OT Pinkie Pie and Gypsy-Crude stew, do you fear it Apple Bloom?
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Catzilla99 is not online. Catzilla99
Joined: 15 May 2011
Total Posts: 32175
13 Feb 2014 03:21 PM
This is probably one of the best things I have read all year.

Kudos.
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Feminists is not online. Feminists
Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 1713
13 Feb 2014 03:22 PM
i'm sorry calao take some time and wait ♥♥
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conners2 is not online. conners2
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 5722
13 Feb 2014 03:22 PM
"are you high"

I am absolutely not. I apologize you have to resort to such questions simply because you cannot appreciate this wonderful game.

"is it real"

Yes. I have both Goat Petting Simulator and Grass Simulator installed.
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Skanea is not online. Skanea
Joined: 08 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 23000
13 Feb 2014 03:23 PM
omfg it is
its
its bootimus

Official OT Pinkie Pie and Gypsy-Crude stew, do you fear it Apple Bloom?
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Feminists is not online. Feminists
Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 1713
13 Feb 2014 03:24 PM
"I am absolutely not. I apologize you have to resort to such questions simply because you cannot appreciate this wonderful game."

yes i guess you are honey ♥♥
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conners2 is not online. conners2
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 5722
13 Feb 2014 03:24 PM
"omfg it is
its
its bootimus"

The initial loading screen is a screenshot of the landscape accompanied by yodeling. You will not be disappointed.
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Feminists is not online. Feminists
Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 1713
13 Feb 2014 03:25 PM
"The initial loading screen is a screenshot of the landscape accompanied by yodeling. You will not be disappointed."

is there anything to stop her after effects ♥♥
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conners2 is not online. conners2
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 5722
13 Feb 2014 03:47 PM
"is there anything to stop her after effects ♥♥"

I am sober. Everything said in this thread has come straight from my heart.
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