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| 07 Feb 2014 03:46 PM |
Death Is not peace as sweet in death as any other? Is not life a light until it gets smothered? For while peace in death lays me to rest, Life is as sweet as the sweetest crest, For without living crest you shall not do.
Is not peace in life as sweet as death? Is not death itself a chilling breath? For with the kiss of death comes sorrow, Yet with it comes reassurance for tomorrow, And I felt the coldest winds as they blew.
Is not acceptance for what will come a blessing? Is not denial of what is ahead a cause for stressing? For while sorrow comes with cold winds, Acceptance comes from within, And those winds shall not take you with no clue. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 03:58 PM |
| I like this one too. The language is formatted pleasantly and the vocabulary seems to be elegantly crafted. The meaning is also well-defined, and it seems to carve itself in the mind of the reader. Great job. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:00 PM |
this poem sucks
u just used fancy words and juiced it up
it hardly even rhymes
and ur talking like a freakin shakespeare |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:03 PM |
@Electric- Thank you.
@Backfire- Thank you too, simply for responding. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:06 PM |
| I could give you feedback but I find the whole poem boring and think it should be rewritten, no offense. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:06 PM |
| @Christopher- Okay, you're opinion. I'm fine with people having different opinions. What, in your opinion, needs to be fixed? |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:07 PM |
| @Mylastpost- Oh god. Stupid typo. Your* |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:10 PM |
I haven't read one of your poems that I haven't liked.
That pikachu one you made on the spot cracked me up. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:11 PM |
@Brightview- Thank you. I'm glad you enjoy them.
Also, that Pikachu one is probably one of my favorite poems from that thread. Definitely in the top three. |
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Tdc88
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| Joined: 16 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 9965 |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:12 PM |
| YO YO YO LOV DA RAPZ HOMIE |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:15 PM |
| Stop repeating the same words and instead use better words. In each paragraph you ask two questions then say for something and then two life lessons. Change the layout of the paragraphs and format of the sentences like make the questions rhetorical. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 04:20 PM |
| @Christopher- Please, point out to me what words I repeat besides "life" "death" and "peace." I ask two questions for a reason, I say two things for a reason. I ask two questions to show the perspective when looked at for different ways, and to show the progressive growth of the speaker. There are no life lessons in each stanza, only the message that's conveyed through the whole. The layout of the paragraphs and sentences? That's called structure, which is in every poem besides free verse, which I'm not a fan of. I couldn't make the questions rhetorical if I tried, because, quite simply put, it's impossible to convey that they're rhetorical through the written word unless I answered them directly in the next few lines, which would defeat my purpose. |
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| 07 Feb 2014 11:41 PM |
I'm not a big fan of alliteration or rhyming in general, but it's a personal opinion. To me, it sucks the creativity out of it and defeats the purpose of poetry by adding rules and order. Obviously that's not a very popular opinion. I guess we disagree about free verse.
http://wiki.roblox.com/index.php/User:ElectricBlaze |
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| 07 Feb 2014 11:44 PM |
It's called prose poetry, actually. That's my style. It flows easier for me and it makes it easier to tell a story. Rhetoric and literary enhancement devices should be enough to turn a narrative into a creative work, in my opinion.
http://wiki.roblox.com/index.php/User:ElectricBlaze |
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| 08 Feb 2014 07:26 AM |
| I agree with your last point, but it's just my personal preference for structure and rhyming patterns. No idea why, it's just what I enjoy. |
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OutIook
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| Joined: 03 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 5862 |
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| 08 Feb 2014 08:05 AM |
I really like this.
It's got a good chilly feel to it.
~obfg~ |
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