rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 31 Jan 2014 11:54 PM |
-Phone Beeping-Click-Bro is this you? Ergo:Yeah what you need man Me:I'm having a problem Man Ergo:Tell me about it man Me:You sure? Ergo:Just tell me dammit
-Music cuts on- El: Ok Ok...Bi-bi-bi-B*tch she keeps on fncking pissing me off and digging her own ditch/She only wanted me cause she knew I had a talent to make me rich/Not pulling the trigger just the fncking switch/To her electric chair cause the image of her in same other guys underwear is to hard to bare/And if I ever get my hands on the guy who stole her I fncking swear/Wrap my hands around his neck like a damn hunting snare/I don't even know why she loves him hes so small down there/I'm feeling pissed and doing things I usually wouldn't dare/Temper so short that a midjit couldn't compare/I think my damn mind wants out of here/Pulling at my hair/Chewing at my nails wanted to freak her out so put a dead cat in her mail/I'm sorry for stealing your line Eminem I'm just more fncking angry then I can define/By the way say hi to Hailey your daughter is looking fine hope she likes younger men cause one day she'll be mine/And if she ever cheats like my fncking ex/Put a bullet through her spine and snap her neck/Just so damn angry me and my hand had to have breakup s*x/And with out that b*tch I don't know what to do next/My only resort us violence cause I want her to go silent/I don't even know what fncking time it is/Just know this rhyme is as sour as a lime/It is/But I'm so fncking poor if I went into the club I'd have to throw dimes/I can't make it rain I can only make it hail and hope that fncking b*tch burns in hell/She always had a fishy smell/And more people probably ate her then taco bell/I'm feeling sick and at this pace I'll never feel well/Oh well/I'm just so cold I think I need a sweater but I'm still under the weather/Neva will I go through that sh*t again/But I think honestly this is never gonna end/So I just can't pretend/Not that kind of guy that can get over it and just be friends -Music cuts off- Ergo:Are you ok man? Me:Yeah,Just fine.
Alternate ending Ergo:Are you ok man? Me:Yeah,By the way would you miss your sister if she went missing? Ergo:Wait... |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:05 AM |
| Now I can finally die peacefully knowing I had a chance of success! |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:06 AM |
| Your probably the only one to read the whole thing. |
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snazzell
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5693 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:22 AM |
| Makes no sense, sucks, bad writing. |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:25 AM |
How does it make no sense? It makes no less sense then any rap song I've ever heard. |
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snazzell
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5693 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:29 AM |
This is Grade-A pop-rap crap but worse.
-You've most likely never been to a club in your life. -Why would you be with a girl who does this. -There is no hook you just continuously bring up new sentences -The rhyming patterns and writing are horrendous -"It makes no less sense then any rap song I've ever heard." So why don't you make it better than that if you want to be so great.
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Devonta3
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| Joined: 03 Oct 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5687 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:30 AM |
| Was really good in my opinion, I literally could paint a picture in my head while im reading this. |
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snazzell
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5693 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:30 AM |
| And WTflippingF is a hunting snare??? |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:30 AM |
I didn't put the hooks in for a reason. I also didn't put the chorus in.
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:31 AM |
| If you don't know what a snare is you have no right to judge me. |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:31 AM |
"Just know this rhyme is as sour as a lime."
Yeah. So are all the other "rhymes" you made in this "song." |
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snazzell
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5693 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:32 AM |
| I know what a snare is but wtf is a "hunting snare?" |
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Devonta3
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| Joined: 03 Oct 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5687 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:32 AM |
| The message was there, The Lyrics could be better, and The flow could be better. |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:33 AM |
@Snaz Snares are used for hunting.
@Devon I know its not my best work I wrote this after a breakup so I was sorta in a rush and rage filled. |
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snazzell
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5693 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:36 AM |
| How did your teenage emotion-filled drama-filled superficial one month relationship go? |
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rockytree
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| Joined: 18 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 13713 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:37 AM |
It was nine months. Unlike you I don't get dumped each time a girl hits her period. |
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snazzell
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| Joined: 13 Sep 2008 |
| Total Posts: 5693 |
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| 01 Feb 2014 12:39 AM |
"Unlike you I don't get dumped each time a girl hits her period."
I've never had a girlfriend, they're pointless, especially in your teenage years. |
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