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Re: Hey guys read my personal narrative

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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 07:55 PM
I'm not done yet, and my teacher made us do this during the weekend and it's about a "time you were scared"

  He was there. No, IT was there, slender vines entering mind, nerves, and foreboding window. It wasn't there, just a small figment of recent memory and crazed imagination, but if it isn't there, outside of that window, faceless, then why do I see it? I'm frozen in fear, sitting on the bed, trapped by the entity's strange presence.
  All of the sudden, the dreaded creature is gone, like a shadow engulfed in a bigger one. It wasn't really there, but in a mind, how could I know? "Was it really there?", I pondered as my eyes averted away from the window that acted like a portal for horrors. Big mistake, I can't see the window anymore, so my imagination places horrid creatures there and notifies me in fright. "It's back to torment me.", I glumly thought.
  Yet I felt no adrenaline, no urge to scream at the top of my lungs in a possibly high pitched voice, but a

HOW IS IT SO FAR?
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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 07:57 PM
hey man creepypastas k
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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 07:59 PM
yeah I know cliché horror but whatever
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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 08:01 PM
tell me rate me wut
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applechicken101 is not online. applechicken101
Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 4602
20 Jan 2014 08:03 PM
not bad
you kind of just went in though
focus on a basic aspect of life first and exemplify it through your words
i'm a national literature scribing award winner so i think ill be of sufficient aid
don't let vocabulary suck the life out of your book
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TheEpicJax is not online. TheEpicJax
Joined: 19 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 4388
20 Jan 2014 08:04 PM
Needs more hot sauce
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monoDRUNK is not online. monoDRUNK
Joined: 20 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 20
20 Jan 2014 08:05 PM
a lot of good vocabulary but i just don't see a set tone in it, if anything it's just dreary. there's nothing actually scary, and you're literally just diving right in for shock value.
let things build.
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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 08:07 PM
Oh, ok, thanks.

The problem is that my teacher is gonna be all like "OGM ITS TOO LONG FOR 26 LINES ON THE STAAR TEST AND ITS NOT WITHIN 5 MINUTES OF PASSING TIME U GET A 70 AIVHSA:IKFHLUISBA(FDHOI"
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ExpShare is not online. ExpShare
Joined: 04 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 5976
20 Jan 2014 08:08 PM
needs more plusle
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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 08:09 PM
@Exp

but what about minun
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ExpShare is not online. ExpShare
Joined: 04 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 5976
20 Jan 2014 08:10 PM
Eh I guess minun can tag along
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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 08:12 PM
then again my narrative is full of minun
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ExpShare is not online. ExpShare
Joined: 04 Jan 2014
Total Posts: 5976
20 Jan 2014 08:13 PM
This kind of makes me miss my OTShinyPlusle days...
I change accounts way too much
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marblemaster is not online. marblemaster
Joined: 13 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 17031
20 Jan 2014 08:14 PM
Needs more skeletons jumping out of closest


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evolvedpikachu is not online. evolvedpikachu
Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10696
20 Jan 2014 08:17 PM
@marble

Too late I'm way too far into the story.
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