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| 20 Jan 2014 07:55 PM |
I'm not done yet, and my teacher made us do this during the weekend and it's about a "time you were scared"
He was there. No, IT was there, slender vines entering mind, nerves, and foreboding window. It wasn't there, just a small figment of recent memory and crazed imagination, but if it isn't there, outside of that window, faceless, then why do I see it? I'm frozen in fear, sitting on the bed, trapped by the entity's strange presence. All of the sudden, the dreaded creature is gone, like a shadow engulfed in a bigger one. It wasn't really there, but in a mind, how could I know? "Was it really there?", I pondered as my eyes averted away from the window that acted like a portal for horrors. Big mistake, I can't see the window anymore, so my imagination places horrid creatures there and notifies me in fright. "It's back to torment me.", I glumly thought. Yet I felt no adrenaline, no urge to scream at the top of my lungs in a possibly high pitched voice, but a
HOW IS IT SO FAR? |
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| 20 Jan 2014 07:59 PM |
| yeah I know cliché horror but whatever |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:03 PM |
not bad you kind of just went in though focus on a basic aspect of life first and exemplify it through your words i'm a national literature scribing award winner so i think ill be of sufficient aid don't let vocabulary suck the life out of your book |
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monoDRUNK
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| Joined: 20 Oct 2012 |
| Total Posts: 20 |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:05 PM |
a lot of good vocabulary but i just don't see a set tone in it, if anything it's just dreary. there's nothing actually scary, and you're literally just diving right in for shock value. let things build. |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:07 PM |
Oh, ok, thanks.
The problem is that my teacher is gonna be all like "OGM ITS TOO LONG FOR 26 LINES ON THE STAAR TEST AND ITS NOT WITHIN 5 MINUTES OF PASSING TIME U GET A 70 AIVHSA:IKFHLUISBA(FDHOI" |
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ExpShare
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| Joined: 04 Jan 2014 |
| Total Posts: 5976 |
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ExpShare
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| Joined: 04 Jan 2014 |
| Total Posts: 5976 |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:10 PM |
| Eh I guess minun can tag along |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:12 PM |
| then again my narrative is full of minun |
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ExpShare
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| Joined: 04 Jan 2014 |
| Total Posts: 5976 |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:13 PM |
This kind of makes me miss my OTShinyPlusle days... I change accounts way too much |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:14 PM |
Needs more skeletons jumping out of closest
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ⊂ つ (つ ノ (ノ \ ☆ | ☆ (⌒ ⌒ヽ / \ (´⌒ ⌒ ⌒ヾ / (’⌒ ; ⌒ ::⌒ ) |
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| 20 Jan 2014 08:17 PM |
@marble
Too late I'm way too far into the story. |
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