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Re: Flight 976 and Flight 975

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jaceyjace is not online. jaceyjace
Joined: 12 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 5202
19 Jan 2014 01:28 PM
Story: In St. Louis, MO, Flight 975 took off. The passengers were safe, having fun with watching TV in the Delta Flight. Flight 975's destination was to get to Cleveland, in Ohio. There was another flight, called Flight 976, which took off from Cleveland. It's destination was to get to St. Louis, the city where 975 took off. At 11:00 AM, both planes were near Indianapolis and were about to collide. Flight 976's Co-Pilot saw a light coming straight towards them. "Look out!" he shouted. But it was too late.

Both Flight's collided above Indianpolis and the rubble fell down into the city and damaged buildings and cars. People were injured below the flight.
No one on both flights survived.
But the story is you, in Indianapolis, experiencing the deadly crash of 975 and 976.


CS

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Job:
Appearance:
Biography:
Other:
Confirmation:

RULES:
1: No godmodding.
2: The admins to the RPG only have admin to the RPG.
3: Don't minimod.
4: Never be rude on this game.
5: To talk out of the game, talk like this "(Hi.)"

If you have read this through, write "Crashed" in the confirmation area on the CS.

The admins and me have the right to accept you in.

ADMIN LIST
kaelenkeith
lordsplash
Sarcastical
UsernameHas18Letters
jaceyjace


~Jaceyjace


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CaubbleAlt is not online. CaubbleAlt
Joined: 16 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 2060
19 Jan 2014 02:12 PM
(I love the idea of the POV of the plane crash story isn't in the plane, but it focused on the people below. But one question: is the main part of the story what goes on before, like this is a story about the people who are affected by the crash and this ends at the crash, or is this set after the crash, like the aftermath?)

Name: Lucas Woods
Gender:M
Age: 29
Job: Private investigator for hire. Anyone who needs something, whether it's just anyone who has a problem, or police matters.
Appearance: Tall, well-built. Not super ripped, but he is muscular and has a skinny-to mid size torso frame. He is about 6'1 to 6'3. Brown eyes and tan white skin. He has dark blond/brown hair that goes to his mid-forehead. His face has a sort of intimidation feel to it, like he is always looking mad at someone, which he is a lot. He usually wears a business suit or a dark green jacket, gray shirt, and brown pants.
Biography: He served in the Army for one year before getting tired of it. Lucas was best at being stealthy and finding someone. His dad was never around, but when he was it wasn't good. His mother tried her best to support him, and now with Lucas and his current job she is getting her reward through his salary. The father figure in his life is his Uncle Jack, and they still meet at a lake every Friday night to fish and have a barbecue. His own investigation firm, Private, is the most popular in the whole state, and ranked at #11 in the US. In his findings, he usually sticks to small cases, but he has figured out some big cases, making national headlines once or twice a year or two ago. Now he tries to keep his life quiet and personal.
Other: N/A
Confirmation: Crashed
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UltimateFroob is not online. UltimateFroob
Joined: 10 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 2129
19 Jan 2014 02:36 PM
Prepare for the Haterade, Because I'm about to judge this.

Story:

(You don't say? Lol, Just kidding, good organization.)

In St. Louis, MO, Flight 975 took off. The passengers were safe, having fun with watching TV in the Delta Flight. Flight 975's destination was to get to Cleveland, in Ohio.

(Ok, pretty reasonable so far, so I'm on a plane. Now what?)

There was another flight, called Flight 976, which took off from Cleveland. It's destination was to get to St. Louis, the city where 975 took off.

(Hold it. ANOTHER plane!? Sweet grilled cheezus, which am I on?)

At 11:00 AM, both planes were near Indianapolis and were about to collide. Flight 976's Co-Pilot saw a light coming straight towards them. "Look out!" he shouted. But it was too late.

(Ok, a crash, this seems interesting.)

Both Flight's collided above Indianpolis and the rubble fell down into the city and damaged buildings and cars. People were injured below the flight.
No one on both flights survived.

(So wait, this is a plane crash roleplay that takes place in an URBAN AREA with NO SURVIVORS!? I'd like to know how that could make for an interesting roleplay.)

But the story is you, in Indianapolis, experiencing the deadly crash of 975 and 976.

(Great, I'm just another citizen, doing an average day to day routine, and i see some blazing rubble, and I'm supposed to do something about it. NOTHING IS ABOUT COMMUNITY IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE, especially if everyone died. All a citizen would do is leave this mess to the government and organizations like Red Cross. By the way, is that the ENTIRE roleplay?)

(Lets skip to the rules, the CS is pretty straight forward.)

RULES:
1: No godmodding.

(Huh, looking good so far.)

2: The admins to the RPG only have admin to the RPG.

(You don't say? I thought everyone had admin, even if they're a flaming troll.)

3: Don't minimod.

(Don't have any Idea what this is, but I guess its a legitimate rule.)

4: Never be rude on this game.

(Articulate, please.)

5: To talk out of the game, talk like this "(Hi.)"

(Understood. I had to go back and parenthesize everything because of this.)

(Ok, stop right here. The fact you only have 5 rules makes me cry. this makes so much room for troublemakers to blossom it's depressing. Next time, Include a lot more rules inspired by other forum's rules.)

If you have read this through, write "Crashed" in the confirmation area on the CS.

(Dearly Noted, author)

The admins and me have the right to accept you in.

(You Don't Say? I thought anyone can accept my character, even me!)

ADMIN LIST
kaelenkeith
lordsplash
Sarcastical
UsernameHas18Letters
jaceyjace

(The fact that you have admins directly at the start tells me you have heavy favoritism for them. You don't Admin people because their your good friend. You admin them because their a good RPer, and even helped with the RP. This RP has such few details I doubt anymore than a single person worked on it. For all i know, any of these guys can be flaming trollers.)

~Jaceyjace


(Overall, I don't really like this roleplay. It has no thrill or anything. You're not a survivor. You're not forced to be one of the injured from it. You're not force to be part of the relief effort. You aren't even forced to be a citizen thats affected by this wreck in the slightest. All that this roleplay is about is that you know it happened. And honestly, I've written single SENTENCES more descriptive than this Entire RP. Maybe you should play a few more RP's before you write any more.)
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UltimateFroob is not online. UltimateFroob
Joined: 10 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 2129
19 Jan 2014 02:37 PM
(Also, all planes going through opposite routes are notified and are told to fly at different altitudes. the only way this is possible is a fatal error.)
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CaubbleAlt is not online. CaubbleAlt
Joined: 16 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 2060
19 Jan 2014 03:15 PM
(I've read your reviews and I like them. But to me, this RP seems more like a real drama-ish not completely 'Hollywood big explosions no plot detail.' But I bet people like you just do the RPs like Hollywood, not much plot and all action. Some people, like me and probably the creator, like stories with plot detail and stuff going on, like a real story, with bits of action, too. Also, I'm sure that in this RP it will be shown why it crashed, and maybe due to one of the characters' fault.)
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CaubbleAlt is not online. CaubbleAlt
Joined: 16 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 2060
19 Jan 2014 03:16 PM
(Also, I don't know if you know this, but the stuff you're doing right now is VERY prideful, ignorant, pretentious, and just rude, in my opinion.)
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UltimateFroob is not online. UltimateFroob
Joined: 10 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 2129
19 Jan 2014 03:24 PM
(I'm just stating my honest opinion, and I, too, like a bit of drama. but its gonna take a lot of creativity to link a random Citizen to the plane crash without it going all "Hes my father" or "He's got my baby". A survival roleplay, while Uneventful, would at least have a plot line that didn't Involve a long and tedious rebuild there the plane crashed. This game has better odds of becoming a city roleplay then about the actual news event.)
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CaubbleAlt is not online. CaubbleAlt
Joined: 16 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 2060
19 Jan 2014 03:38 PM
(The linking between you and the plane crash... is that it happened right above you and crashed all around you and everyone you know... This will probably be more of a RP that examines the life of people before and after a large tragedy and how they deal with it.)
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UltimateFroob is not online. UltimateFroob
Joined: 10 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 2129
19 Jan 2014 03:56 PM
(Tragedy for THEM!? I estimate around 600 people died in those planes, and now your telling me the CITY is suffering the TRAGEDY!? The wreck wouldn't exactly affect the entire town since the planes aren't the size of cities themselves, so all your really worrying about is whether or not a piece of shrapnel is going to fly through your house. And so what if citizens die? not nearly as many as the plane wreck, I can guarantee that. Many families mourn losses and even entire families may die out, but all the city is worrying about is a few unlucky casualties and some wrecked houses.)
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losesome is not online. losesome
Joined: 09 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1564
19 Jan 2014 04:01 PM
Minii mods Means someone who is not a mod. Acting like one.

This sucks the fact I never heard of ONE of your admins scares me.

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UltimateFroob is not online. UltimateFroob
Joined: 10 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 2129
19 Jan 2014 04:04 PM
(because I haven't deemed anyone responsible yet. Almost everyone on Roblox is either Immature or has no writing skills. And i give you props for an original Idea, but sometimes inspiration can go a long way.)
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CaubbleAlt is not online. CaubbleAlt
Joined: 16 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 2060
20 Jan 2014 06:15 PM
(*Almost. And I meant the mental and social tragedy, not the physical at all, since that would be just like a couple blocks are demolished and a couple of neighborhoods get messed up. I wish the creator would get on.)
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