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Re: lyrics i wrote tell me what you think

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summerhasgone is not online. summerhasgone
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 6528
10 Jan 2014 05:33 PM
well, im writing a song thats not finished yet but i made the first verse and please tell me what you think:

its so blinding above me
it tears the night sky into
it soars into the air, like the waves of the sea
hold my wrists, my hands
as the sparks soak through
the night
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summerhasgone is not online. summerhasgone
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 6528
10 Jan 2014 05:50 PM
>14+ views
>no one tells me what they think
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darko29 is not online. darko29
Joined: 02 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 7402
10 Jan 2014 05:54 PM
Doesnt that suggest something, violet?
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StellaOwl is not online. StellaOwl
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 3387
10 Jan 2014 05:55 PM
Tbh with no music and such a small amount of lyrics I can't make a good judgment
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summerhasgone is not online. summerhasgone
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 6528
10 Jan 2014 06:00 PM
>Doesnt that suggest something, violet?
i didnt ask "tell how good it is" did i, i said for people to tell me what they think.

>Tbh with no music and such a small amount of lyrics I can't make a good judgment
treat it as a poem then
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summerhasgone is not online. summerhasgone
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 6528
11 Jan 2014 09:29 AM
bump
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PIERCE457 is not online. PIERCE457
Joined: 26 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 657
11 Jan 2014 09:34 AM
3/10
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littletiara is not online. littletiara
Joined: 30 May 2010
Total Posts: 3953
11 Jan 2014 09:35 AM
these are great
can't wait to see the full song

10/10
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StellaOwl is not online. StellaOwl
Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 3387
11 Jan 2014 09:36 AM
Idk, I don't want to insult you summer but I'm not feeling these lyrics

With such a small amount of them I don't get much meaning or flow or point

Sorry, that's just my opinion
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summerhasgone is not online. summerhasgone
Joined: 27 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 6528
11 Jan 2014 09:41 AM
i wrote another verse:

its so blinding above me
it tears the night sky into
it soars into the air, like the waves of the sea
hold my wrists, my hands
as the sparks soak through
the dark

as the dreams fall apart
we will sit counting stars
as it begins to start
our cold breath will flow over the lands
it seems so far...

i might write another verse, idk. i still need to write a chorus though
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