solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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| 26 Dec 2013 01:38 AM |
>1967 >Serving in army during the Vietnam war >Marching through massive onion field with my platoon, looking for Vietcong >Look under some rocks >nocommunistshere.ogr >Suddenly realize my bladder is full >Step aside to piss >Notice an impossibly large onion growing in the dirt >piss on it >Gun fire erupts behind me and I drop into the piss soaked dirt to take cover >Piss flys everywhere >Covered in piss as bullets whiz by overhead >I reach for my rifle a few inches away from the massive onion >Onion shakes violently as the dirt around it begins to shift >Massive green figure emerges from the dirt holding the onion in its hand >The ogrelord has come >He uses his massive 30 foot long semi-eshrekt shrock to launch himself into the sky >"It's all ogre now" he says as his massive shreksticles steam roll across the field >Musky onion juice soaks the earth as soldiers from both sides are crushed under the shreksticle stampede >Reinforcements arrive from within the jungle >They fire at shrek >It's futile >Shrek roars and the onions from the field rise into a massive cloud >onion meteors rain down from the sky >I feel my bones shatter and my internal organs rupture as the force of the onion storm destroys everything around me >Everyone is dead >entire jungle is destroyed and only a crater remains >Shrek slowly walks towards my mangled body >"It's not ogre for you yet, laddeh. You should know better than to disrespect the holiest of sacraments" >He grabs his now fully eshrekt 50 foot long shrock >Shut my eyes as he spits into his hand and pushes his green girth into my tight poop chute >Feel my organs parting and wrapping around Shreks love as he goes deeper >He lifts me up and makes me ride reverse cowgirl >I wince in pain but Shrek whispers into my ear "Just keep moving and don't look down." >I begin riding Shreks shrock >Overcome with peace and love for Shrek as power overtakes me >In my ecstacy, I look down to see Shreks shrock pushing out 3 feet from my stomach >My eyes go wide with horror and I scream "Shrek! I'm lookin' down!" >Shrek roars and his green ogre juice fires out of his shrock at 5000mph >Ogre juice shoots through my stomach and bursts out of me into a fountain of bloody ogre seed >My senses are overcome while Shreks love rains down onto the earth behind me, fertilizing the land for new life >Shrek hands me the onion I pissed on and nods at me >Enlightenment attained >Onion harvest is exceptional that season >Shrek is love, Shrek is life |
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solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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| 26 Dec 2013 02:35 AM |
| i havent eaten onions in ages |
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