solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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| 26 Dec 2013 01:23 AM |
>2077 >War with China is imminent and American families have begun moving into large underground vaults to survive the inevitable nuclear war >Move into vault with wife and son >Bring all the Shrek merchandise and onions we can carry >Arrive at vault and realize all of our fellow vault dwellers are loyal followers of Shrek >I'm ogrejoyed >As we make our way to the assembly area, my son points out an unmarked door at the end of an unlit hallway >I tell him it's probably just for storage and we continue to our seats >We chat with the people sitting near us about how bad wreck it ralph was while enjoying some sliced onions >Overseer arrives and begins orientation >He exclaims his joy at having an entire community of brogres living in harmony and surviving so they can continue to spread the word of the ogrelord after the fall of humanity >Assembly ends and everyone heads to their respective rooms >The next morning the door seals and the bombs begin to fall >We turn on "I'm a Believer" and celebrate for our survival and in honor of those killed by the bombs >Praise Shrek everyday for our 2nd chance at life >Months pass >The vault begins to feel like home and soon becomes even better than expected >All living areas converted to swamps >Onion crops exceeding quota >Shrek posters adorn the hallways >Shrek movies played daily for inhabitants >Utopia.ogr >After 2 months of this perfect life, 3 guards inexplicably disappear during their nightly patrols >Bodies are found the next morning in the dark hallway with "Shrek is Drek" carved into their chests >Autopsy shows scalpels incisions previously made in their torsos >Community is outraged at this horrendous and blasphemous act >Overseer promises an investigation but no evidence of foul play amongst the inhabitants is found >Suspicions raised over the door at the end of the mysterious hallway >All attempts to open the door fail as it is sealed from the other side >The next night, 2 more people go missing and our onion crops are burned >The attacks continue until one night my wife disappears. She's found the next day with her head severed and "Drek Farquaad" written in the shape of an L on her forehead >Son leaves the vault for help, braving the wastes >Heartbroken and scared, I pray to Shrek for guidance >He answers, "Sorry laddeh, but yer on ye own." >I feel somewhat betrayed at first but I know Shrek has a plan for all of us >Attacks continue for months until our numbers are in the hundreds >son doesn't return and I fear he is dead >Crying myself to sleep when I hear noise outside my door >See the Overseer sneaking through the hallway >"What the hell..." >Follow him >He stops in front of the mysterious door and says, "Obey Farquaad, Destroy Shrek!" >Door opens >I follow him inside and have to fight vomiting at the sight that greets me >Behind the door existed a whole other vault filled with Farquaad posters and blasphemous anti-Shrek signs. >Follow him to other vaults assembly area and see an army of Duloc guards being led by Drek >The guards cheer when the overseer enters >Realize the overseer is 4ft tall >IT'S LORD FARQUAAD! >He gives a speech that reveals a secret agreement with Vault-Tec to gradually study the lives of brogres, to learn their weaknesses, and to experiment on ways to make them into Duloc guards >Bodies in the hallway were too layered by their loyalty to Shrek to be turned into Farquaad followers >I shed an oniony tear for my beloved wife who I knew loved Shrek more than anything in the world >The scent of onions quickly overcomes the smell of kiwis in the farquaad vault >Whole crowd looks ogre at me >Oh my god! >"AFTER HIM" Farquaad yells >Run for my life back to my vault >Realize I'm not safe there anymore >No time to get supplies, I have to make my way to the exit >Run as fast as I can to the vault door but don't have the terminal code to open it >Farquaad, Drek, and the Duloc guards slowly close in on me chanting "Shrek is drek" >I fall to the ground and scream at them to shut up, pleading with the ogrelord to help me >Wait a minute..."What did Shrek say to me? 'Yer on ye own'...'on ye own'...onion...It's onion! A sign! >As soon as I make my realization, the vault door is kicked off its hinges, crushing a dozen duloc guards along with drek >Green ogre stench fills the room >It's Shrek! >"Kill him!" Farquaad orders >Shrek laughs and pulls down his pants, "Can't we settle this over a pint?" he yells as his onion juice rapid fires out of his green hot dog. >Duloc guards torn to pieces >Farquaad tries to run but Shrek catches up to him >He mounts Farquaad from behind and goes maximum ogredrive >Shrek's hips become a blur as he viciously loves Farquaads rump with light speed >Farquaads rump becomes a melted puddle of drek as the friction of Shreks pistoning onion stick along with his ever expanding size destroy his lower body >Spinning him around Shrek excretes acidic ogre juice into Farquaads eyes, melting his face onto the floor >Shrek approaches me >"Don't worry, it's all ogre now...Dad." >Realize my son was the reincarnation of Shrek and the radiation of the outside helped him reach his final form >So proud >Shrek drapes his massive walnut bag ogre my face and I inhale deeply >His walnuts begin to vibrate rapidly and glow bright green >I cry tears of joy and thank Shrek while his walnuts roughly pummel my face and crush my skull >He lets out a roar and unleashes onion juice all over me >Shreks powerful groan opens up the time space continuum >Whole vault is transported to the beginning of Earths creation >I die in euphoric bliss from the shockwaves of Shreks mightiest ogregasm of all time >He resurrects my wife, and crowns her Fiona before claiming her as his new queen >Ogrepes Rex >He converts the whole vault into a giant onion >Becomes new Ogreseer >Sends the surviving brogres out into the wastes to repopulate the earth >The true Shrekening is upon us >Shrek is love, Shrek is life |
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solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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manic344
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| Joined: 16 Feb 2011 |
| Total Posts: 31023 |
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solid8556
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| Joined: 22 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1176 |
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| 28 Dec 2013 10:57 AM |
SHREK IS LOVE SHREK IS LIFE |
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