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Re: Doing 'autopsys' on threads

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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 03:40 AM
Meh, I made this thread to post down threads I dislike, BUT, I will explain exactly what I personally dislike about them, and how I, YES. I. believe they can be improved. These are MY OPINIONS and if you don't want to read them you don't have to. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything so these are my HONEST opinions. I don't care if any of you get butt-hurt because I picked apart a thread you like. You have been warned. And don't go crying like "omg i'd like to see you do better". I don't have to. I don't need to be a professional writer to say I dislike a book. I'm not telling you to think these threads are bad, or that they are bad, I'm just saying in my OPINION they are bad, and I'll explain WHY.

So, let's begin.
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 04:29 AM
Now I wont be posting the names of the threads unless it's included in the actual R.P description.

These R.Ps have not been modified at all, I've just added my comments in []

Now some generic zombie thing.

At midnight this day (January 21st, 2015)

[Actually today is 19/12/2013, where I live anyway.]

(( Current date is January 21st, 2023 ))

[Oh, ok, I'll just take your word for it. Do we get wolverine claws yet?]

just eight years ago, the outbreak began...

[This is starting to sound like a Resident Evil version of Rebecca Black's 'Friday'.]

They call it the DH Virus...I call it; zombies.

[Who are this 'they' you speak of. And, that sentence practically implies that you and only you refer to the virus as 'zombies', presuming 'they' just means everyone else apart from you since you didn't specify who 'they' are. Unless 'they' is 'duh poleese and duh man brah'. Also, you call IT zombies? So you refer to the actual virus as 'zombies'. As in, "Oh, good heavens, I've caught zombies". Sounds a little cheesy, but meh. Carrying on, is 'zombies' the best you can think of? I mean, you couldn't even TRY to make this overused slop of near-meaningless words just slightly original? No? Ok.]

Since that day eight years ago, it's only gone from bad to worse to terrible.

[Why? Did Nicki Minaj continue to release music? Also I get the point. Zombies came and ruined stuff 8 years ago and you're a little upset over it. Now shut up.]

There are no 'official governments anymore',

[What? Zombies don't just automatically cause governments to shut down, unless something happened that you don't have the mental capacity to understand and you just say 'omg uhm...it's been 8 years and zombie eating people and government gone kk']

but still some try to make order in this chaos even now with the world in the state it's in...

[And although their airbending skills are great, they've got a long way to go before they're saving anyone. [Meh, not many people will get that joke.]

All you can do now is band together and try to survive; to kill or be killed: The ultimate struggle...

[This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny. Good guys bad guys and zombies, as far as the eye can see. And seriously? Is that ALL I can do? If it's ALL I can do how can I be a godmodding super hot lone-ranger that saves girls from zombies all day and gels his hair with car petrol? This R.P is already starting to sound pretty dull. I mean, apparently it's REQUIRED for me to be in a group? Meh.]

Who will you join with, and how will you survive...?

[I wont be joining fullstop, and I'd survive with food and water and heat like every other human, idiot.]

There are three social classes/titles in this society...

[Ugh, really? So it's a soddin' zombie apocalypse and I STILL have to label myself? Stupid stereotypes.]

-Survivor: Just an average person struggling to survive in this post-apocalyptic society.

[Technically speaking, anyone who is alive would be a survivor, I mean, if you're surviving, then you are a survivor. So this class is sort of irrelevant.]

All survivors begin with a starting inventory of: 3 Bottles of Water, 10 Cans of Beans, A Pocket Knife, & A Crowbar.

[Now I hate it when threads do this, give you pre-set inventories, it seems to happen a lot on these zombie threads. Just because I'm some dude in a zombie apocalypse doesn't mean I automatically pull this stuff out of my arse. Atleast I hope that's not how it works, pulling out that crow bar....I'll shut up now.]

Starting Locations: Beijing, China
Los Angeles, California, United States of America
London, England, United Kingdom
Sydney, Australia

[Because every other country is gone? Mmkay.]

-Military: A military personal striving to maintain order at the various remaining military bases around the world. These remaining bases are...

Starting Inventory: 3 Bottles of Water, 10 Cans of Beans, A Pistol w/ 3 Mags, A Combat Knife, & You're weapon(s) of Choice.

[They seem like odd names for military bases, but mmkay. Wrong 'your' by the way. And what kind of pistol? A pistol isn't just a pistol, it can mean multiple things. There are many, many different types of pistols with different rounds, reliability, etc. But meh. I reckon it'd be something generic and overused again, like a Desert Eagle or some form of Glock.]

FOB:Crackdown ; This is located in Beijing, China.
FOB:Domination ; This is located in Los Angeles, California, United States of America
FOB:Salvage ; This is located in London, England, United Kingdom.
FOB:Justice ; This is located in Sydney, Australia.

[Oh, so THESE are the military bases?]

-Bandit: A lone ranger or someone who survives with other bandits by killing anyone and everyone to get what they have.

[Wait, wait, wait...That contradicts itself, 'someone who survives with other bandits by killing ANYONE and EVERYONE to get what they have, which means by definition they'd spend all day trying to kill eachother. Also, how would they get new bandits if they just kill everyone they meet?]

Starting Inventory: 3 Bottles of Water, 10 Cans of Beans, & A Pistol w/ 2 Mags.

[How come these guys start out with less stuff if they've been killing people? The survivors got crow bars and a knife, so if these guys have been looting the corpses of survivors, shouldn't they also have a crowbar and a knife, I mean, if I found such things I'd keep them, they're useful tools in almost any survival situation]

*Same Starting Locations as Survivors*

[So the survivors will get killed off pretty quickly then I guess, since the bandits have guns]

*NOTE* You CAN move around the entire world throughout your survival, you DO NOT have to remain in the starting city.

[How? If the government just randomly collapsed then crap must be BLOCKING UP the fan. I doubt you'd be able to find/make suitable transportation to move around the world.]

~RULES & PROCEDURES~
-This is free-to-play, free roam, etc. style game, but I can jump in and change things at any time!

[I'd bloody hope this was free-to-play, I mean, if ROBLOX made it able to CHARGE people to look at your threads...Also, you can jump in and change things at ANY time? That's already given me PTSD-style nightmares about when I've annoyed the GM in Dungeons And Dragons games.]

-Ignore Trolls and Flamers!

[I thought this was just zombies? So there's trolls and pyromaniacs as well? Oh, it's ok, we can just ignore them.]

-! WHEN SCAVENGING ! Please do not just immediately give yourself anything your heart desires, be reasonable and fair throughout the game.

[Yet you seem to be able to immediately give us crap.]

-! WHEN FIGHTING ! Do not troll and, again BE REASONABLE. This is NOT meant to be a strictly PvP game, EVER, if someone is abusing or trolling with their ability to fight other players, contact myself and I will resolve it and you can continue your adventure. ALSO, I STRONGLY suggest that you avoid player confrontation and enjoy the Role-Play and Zombie Fighting Survival!

[WHAT? YOU MADE A SODDIN' BANDIT CS THAT LITERALLY TELLS YOU TO GO AROUND KILLING EVERYONE YOU SEE, YOU UTTER PILLOCK.]

-No Godmodding or Invincibility. IF you die, You may have up to 5 characters; yes I will keep track.

[How kind of you.]

-Keep track of your own history and inventory! I cannot do that for you!

[So I could just claim I originally found some form of large shotgun and since you're not keeping track you wouldn't be able to say it's OP?]

-I just can't stress enough to think of others and just enjoy your time on the game!

[Meh, this is the only decent thing on this whole thread.]

!!! IMPORTANT !!! GAME DAYS = REAL DAYS. And you WILL die on this game if you do not eat or drink!

[i do like the concept of game days = real days, and the concept of hunger and thirst.]

*After three days of no liquids, you die. *After ten days of no food, you die. I will also keep track of this, but I encourage you to remember yourself, I will NOT warn you!!!

[WHAT? Whilst yes, on average, three days of no liquids and you die, but you don't just drop down dead randomly. And some people could go for way longer than 10 days without food, I reckon, if you had enough fat stored.]

-That's it...HAVE FUN!

[Sounds difficult with these contradicting rules and stupid food/water system]


~Survivor CS~

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Ethnicity:
Personality:
Appearance & Apparel:
Starting Location:
Bio (Optional):

[Meh, not a bad CS I suppose

~Military CS~

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Ethnicity:
Personality:
Appearance & Apparel:
Branch of the Military:
Weapon(s) of Choice (You will receive these at the start of the game, remember, no godmodding or abuse of power!):
Starting Location/FOB:
Bio (Optional):

~Bandit CS~

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Ethnicity:
Personality:
Appearance & Apparel:
Starting Location:
Bio (Motive for being a Bandit is required, however an entire back story is not, but you may create one if you'd like):


Over all, not too bad. I've seen worse, but I've seen a lot, lot, lot better.
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coolcoolkidcheseey45 is not online. coolcoolkidcheseey45
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 5668
19 Dec 2013 04:47 AM
Lol. :3
Made me laugh sometimes.

Also, I want to point out, that I think "autopsy" is the wrong word - should it be something like review? Because of the title, I expected you were gonna investigate why threads died.

But anyway, a good review thingywhateveryouwannacallit nonetheless.

~When life hands you lemons, give 'em back! GET MAD! I don't want your damn lemons!~
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 04:49 AM
Thanks. Link me to a thread you'd like me to slice open next. This is quite fun.
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 04:49 AM
I respect you.
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 04:50 AM
http://web.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=117257981
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 05:05 AM
Not much to work with here, but I guess I'll get my scalpels ready anyway.

Here we go.

It's about Ao Oni or something, I've heard of it but don't have a clue what it is.


To play ALL you have to sign is this.

[Ok, getting right to the point I see. But you just assume everyone to know what this is? There's no backstory, no explanation, nothing? And I heard the English language screaming in agony when I read that. And we can't sign really, this is computer. But really? I can just shove my signature somewhere on this and I'm good to go?]

Name:
Age:
Gender:
And choose one of these:
Ninja- Harder for Ao to hear you
Supernatural- Don't need to eat, drink or sleep. (Drinking still recovers chunks of stamina)
Olympic- You are an Olympic marathon runner, self explanatory.
Nightvision- See in the dark.
Resourceful- Find more resources
Dreamer- Sees in the future.
(if someone has already chosen one of the perks you want, you HAVE to choose another)

[So....There's nothing else? No appearance? No minor bio? What's going on? What're the surroundings? How do I win? What are the goals? This isn't really set up like a mystery thread, so explain. EXPLAIN. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlpRBLkgcBo. Also, what? Olympic marathon runner is self explanatory? Not really. I mean, it could imply any number of things, maybe it means I broke my legs in an accident? Or I'm in prison for getting angry at someone who won and snapping their necks...?]

Notes and rules.
-I decide what happens.

[Yes, Mistre-I mean uh... <_< Yeah, who put you in charge, you're obviously too looney to even write a decent thread.]

-You give me an action, I give a result.

[Yeah, my action to you would be a slap across the face and if you know what's good for you the result would be to never make anything like this again.]

-You are not a god, for the god-dang last time

[Good job I'm not god, or I would've taken offense to you using my name like that. Also, for a second I thought I was god. But THANK god you've come along to tell me my life is a lie]

-Don't complain about anything that I do.

[Kind of difficult if you've got an attitude like that.]

-Don't make up things.

[Yeah, because supernatural things, etc, are real. Also, I can't make up anything? But I thought practically by definition the point of this was to make a up a character and pretend to be them?]

-I don't really give one about romance or cursing.

[Oh damn, you're so tough because you curse and romance on a kid's game.]

Again, not much to work with. Absolutely horrible thread, barely even hinted at anything to do with it, and the owner seems like a stuck-up brat.
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 05:08 AM
Oh, also, I wont be as vicious with threads that ask for criticism or you send me your thread to criticize, unless they're blatantly terrible.

And before you say this is not constructive criticism I'm pointing out what is wrong with the threads, therefore people can realize what's wrong and if they're not completely stupid they can then use this information to make their next thread better, if they see this.
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 05:10 AM
More respect.

Other task :

http://web.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=120544819
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 05:28 AM
This is SO EXCITING!

[No it isn't. Stop putting words into my mouth.]

You just moved to a new town and going to a new school!

[I wouldn't find that exciting, just really, really depressing because I would've left my friends behind. Unless I had no friends, in which cause I'd still be a depressed emo kid who probably wouldn't get any friends in another town.]

On your way you see 2 people with a bag. Oh well, probably nothing.

[-grows buck teeth- WHY, SHOOT, CLETUS, LOOK AT 'DEM PEEPZ DOWN DERE WITH A BIG BAG WALKIN' PAST ME. PASS ME MAH MOONSHINE. IT'S A GUD JOB 'DEY AIN'T SUSPICIOUS WHAT-SUH-EVAR AND AIN'T GUNNA DO NOTHIN' BAD TO ME, YES ME, A NU KID HOO JUST MOOVED IN]

Next thing you know, you're stuffed in a bag.

[Because I'm so naive that I walk past two dodgy folk carrying a bag around, and don't bother to watch my back at all. God, why do all threads of this nature make you feel like so half-witted blind masochistic teenager walking around with a 'KIDNAP ME' t-shirt on.

You wake up, tied to a chair in a little room in the middle of the woods.

[David Parker Ray strikes again. Also, how am I aware of the fact it's in the woods? And describe this room, is there any furniture apart from the chair, any identifying smells? Noises? Anything?]

CS:
Name:
Age:
Gender:
What you're good at:
Allergies:
Strength(s):
Weakness('):

[So, no appearance. AGAIN. Also, technically, what you're good at and strengths are kind of the same thing.

~-~-~-~-Rules~-~-~-~-
No godmodding.

[Oh, but I be very tough and made of rocks and fly?]

Be realistic. Don't say "I pick up a gun shoot the door down and escape"

[Oh ok. I have to be rea-Wait, wait, wait, so some people just shoved me in a bag out of the blue and carried me away, keeping mind I wasn't sedated or gagged so I could scream and struggle all I wanted, AND NO-ONE NOTICED?]

Romance and cussing isn't a worry.

[...So, we wake up in a small room tied to a chair and romance is allowed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNsrK6P9QvI. That's it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Go read Toy Box or something if you're really interested in this crap.]


We need 3 people to start!

[Oh god....Romance, tied to chairs, and we need 3 people...What the hell do you have in mind for us?]
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 05:32 AM
http://web.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=120589995
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 05:36 AM
Name:
Gender:
Age: (3-12)
Personality:
Bio:
Appearance:


Name: Jason
Gender: Male
Age: 11
Personality: Friendly, but sometimes mean
Bio: Friendly kid, don't get on my bad side
Appearance: Short brown-ish hair, blue eyes, 4'8

[Michael Jackson and the Catholic priest would be proud. 'Nuff said.]

[There is REALLY nothing here to work with. Whoever made this needs to go and rot in some place dark.]
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 07:20 AM
Meh. Keep sending requests in I guess.
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 07:44 AM
http://web.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=104339617
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 07:49 AM
(again, not much there to slice at. I'd prefer R.Ps that are relatively long and made reasonably recently. Or stories. I'll slice open stories as well.)
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 07:53 AM
http://web.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=120594718
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 08:26 AM
(Not actually that bad. I don't tend to judge R.Ps based in a virtual reality unless they're actually poorly written. That wasn't poorly written, just to the point and threw the information at you. By the time i'd read it I had a general idea of the objective and what to do. I can't say I like the genre, but I the R.P itself is decent.)
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Tailsdahfox136 is not online. Tailsdahfox136
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 4488
19 Dec 2013 08:31 AM
http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=120577198

(It's basically copying the assassin creeds story line.)
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 08:35 AM
(again, really not that bad. It's relatively well written. Not sure how some people would react to R.Ping as a group responsible for the death of JFK, but meh. But I guess I will do these just for the sake of comedy tomorrow, to keep ya'll happy.)
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EpicBoyMike is not online. EpicBoyMike
Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 5037
19 Dec 2013 08:57 AM
http://web.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=117543391

( creator's name, "katnisskid" )
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LeonTB is not online. LeonTB
Joined: 12 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 5948
19 Dec 2013 09:02 AM
47 posts.

much hipster.

much love <3
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 09:33 AM
I did an autopsy, but apparently it had words that roblox doesn't like in it. I'll redo it tomorrow. Alright, I'll do more requests later when I'm on my proper computer and not my laptop.]
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unit345 is not online. unit345
Joined: 20 Feb 2008
Total Posts: 503
19 Dec 2013 11:00 AM
http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=116997632

I started this up as a test rp before I begin an actual original one. I enjoy feedback, and you're providing it. I'd appreciate if you'd take a look at it.
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DarkusVanguard is not online. DarkusVanguard
Joined: 24 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 165
19 Dec 2013 12:26 PM
[Alright...let's take a look.]

[Oh yeah, by the way, I don't read the whole thread before starting the autopsy, in order to give a general idea of my thought process whilst reading the thread. E.G, it says something about something I don't like but later reassures me there wont be much of it, etc]




Dunwall

“Dunwall, the capital of Gristol and seat of the imperial government of the Isles, is an industrial fishing city-state that serves as the central setting. Whaling trawlers pack its harbor, bringing in a constant stream of the whale oil that powers its industrial revolution.”

[Okey dokey, so I have a decent understanding of the setting.]

This is a roleplay that is set in the world of a stealth action adventure game during the middle of the rat plague.

[Ah...Dishonored? Not sure how I like the thought of a bunch of idiots running around freezing time, etc.]

For any that has not played the original game, these are the basics that you should know about Dunwall. Even if you have played the game before, it is worth reading the below, though not mandatory.

[Good, good, so I can save time not having to read this since I've played the game. But that'd defeat the point of this so I'll read it anyway.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Setting : Dunwall is a Victorian London-esque city that has become heavily industrialized and contains multiple advanced technologies. Heating and electric lighting is common in most houses.

[Alright, that's useful to know.]

Every technology is powered by whale oil. Whale oil is quite literally the basis of Dunwalls industrial revolution, and is relied on heavily.

[Ah, ok, so this whale oil stuff can be relatively valuable, and I s'pose this makes whales endangered. I wonder if there are like hippies trying to save the whales.]

A main focus on the city is the rat plague, an all consuming disease bred from the abundance of rats in the city. Irp, about half the population of Dunwall have succumbed to the plague.

[Hm, plague, whales being hunted, Victorian-esque towns, sounds fun. What does this plague do exactly?]

The imperial government is at a loss for solutions, and has resorted to drastic measures to stem further infections. Walls of light quarantine infected areas, a dusk-to-dawn curfew has been instituted – which reduces the chance of humans coming in contact with the rats – and city officials have been given wide powers to deal with disruptive or uncooperative persons.

[So, SORT OF combine-esque police force, quarantine in action, curfews, perfect for some troublemakers.]

Thugs and bureaucrats alike take advantage of the misfortune that has befallen the city. An ever-increasing wealth gap determines secured health for those fortunate to have enough money, as the upper classes and their retinues hoard the elixirs that stave off the plague.

[Pretty good so far then, describes the plot well, and I reckon I'd have a pretty good idea of what's going on even if I hadn't played the game. I'll be continuing the rest of it as if I've never played the game, so you'd see my thought process if I didn't already know what everything was.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm assuming you all know general role-playing rules. Now a few extra notes.

[I love it when people do this, it's like a filter since most of the rules in R.Ps are just common sense, anyone who doesn't know them is a bit of a pillock.]

1. No magic. Yes, I am aware that you were granted the Outsiders Mark and had powers in the original game. I am also aware, however, of how hectic this could get if everyone had the ability to "Stop time" and summon carnivorous rats.

[Oh, right, so there is no magic, kind of annoying for people who didn't want to abuse it, but I guess it's fair and like you said stops it getting hectic]

2. In combat, please try to grant your opponent an opportunity to react to your attack. There are exceptions of this rule, such as when the opponent is completely unaware of oncoming attack and has little reaction time, but arguments on this subject will be terrible. Avoid exploiting this rule as well (Ex. Dodging every reasonable strike), for I will point out occasionally anything that displeases me or anyone else.

[Very good rules, but this sort of falls under common sense. But still, respect.]

3. If an issue arises, PM me instead of posting on the wall. I will do my best to resolve the issue, but keep in mind this will be my first thread.

[I like how well worded these rules are. It's not just 'if someone hurt u butt u pm me kk?'. Anyway, that's good to know, hell, at this rate, I might even join this.]

4. I'd prefer if you people remain rping as people. Sure, there are rats, but you will most likely be crushed if you honestly decide to rp as one.

[Heh. Great point made. So far so good.]

5. Firearms are limited to flintlock like designs. (That also conveniently run on whale oil.)

[So I assume this whale oil is sort of unstable and capable of creating explosions or pressure if it's used in guns. And from a personal point of view I like this rule, flintlocks are classy as hell.]

6. People playing the original game play from the eyes of Corvo or Daud. I refuse to have characters that are noticeably similar/work under either of those two characters. The only things we are taking from the original game is the setting, not the plot.

[Again, good, I hate it when people play as game characters.]

7. I will accept and encourage any feedback. If you have any, please PM me it.

[Always like to see people open to feedback. But I reckon you'll be just fine making this on your own. Really nice so far.]

8. I shall not completely control the environment, though I probably will be controlling a few NPCs and, if needed, guards and officers of the law. (This may only apply at the beginning of the roleplay.)

[Again, good, I hate it when thread owners take direct control and start messing crap up]

Finally, and most importantly, I would like to point out that if you join, you are not here to power roleplay. You people might not even make combat oriented characters for all I know. And I might not even create or guide a plot (Keep in mind that I may). You are here to join other individuals create and live out an engaging story, which in my opinion is how every rp should be like.

[Took the words right of my mouth. I do like how you mentioned combat rules but have established this isn't about combat, and haven't spouted bullcrap about 'oh we need to be nice to others and ask for permission to do stuff to their characters' This whole things seems very professional.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feel free to create your own CS format or opening paragraph. However, I require that it contains the following

Name
Gender
Age
Social Class(Aristocrat or Commoner)
A general idea of your characters appearance, including clothing
A general idea of your characters personality

I recommend adding a brief biography or past, though this is not mandatory as I know some roleplayers enjoy revealing it later on, or even making it later on as they get a better grasp of the story.

You can add anything else that you feel is relevant (Such as your families surname if you have chosen to be an Aristocrat).

[THAT is wonderful, the freedom to introduce my character however I want. I appreciate that.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We will begin in the Distillery district. If you have chosen to be an Aristocrat, I recommend beginning at a house party hosted by a Carmine branch family. If you have chosen to be a Commoner, you will have knowledge of a group of thugs that have plans (of unknown caliber or method) to steal plague staving elixir from the party. Of course, you are not bound by these openings, but it may make things easier.

[Again, I like how you mentioned we're not bound by anything, but just suggested what we may do. I'm also really impressed, even if I'd never heard of Dishonored I'd have a fine grasp of what to do right now.]

I hope I have not missed anything. Enjoy.

[I only gave it a quick search since you mentioned it was a bit of a test, but I haven't really got any major problems. Maybe describing the properties of whale oil a bit more, and melee weapons, etc.]
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HisseyLeSnake is not online. HisseyLeSnake
Joined: 07 Sep 2013
Total Posts: 4832
19 Dec 2013 01:08 PM
I find this amusing; more!
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