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zepher32
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| Joined: 27 Apr 2008 |
| Total Posts: 3135 |
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| 22 Dec 2013 07:47 PM |
Future tip: Don't use so many commas.
But other than that, I like the idea. Make sure it's not cliche, though.
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| 22 Dec 2013 07:56 PM |
| I like it! But Zepher is right; too many commas |
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| 22 Dec 2013 08:01 PM |
This was the description of the plot, not the actually start of the story.
And it sounds good. |
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| 22 Dec 2013 08:11 PM |
| Sounds like the intro to a Bethesda game. |
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Saj1000
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| Joined: 22 May 2013 |
| Total Posts: 333 |
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| 23 Dec 2013 11:07 AM |
| Make a story where a giant sewer is stocked full of poop and radioactive goo gets on it and it comes to life and start to eat people and then poop them in the toilet for revenge. |
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| 24 Dec 2013 12:23 AM |
| sounds a tad like divergent but i like it |
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| 24 Dec 2013 01:10 AM |
| If you hope to one day publish this, I recommend using a synonym for 'faction'. Otherwise, people will say that you're copying Divergent (By: Veronica Roth). You would have to add more elements of conflict other than the sword-fighting tournament so that the story doesn't drag. |
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| 24 Dec 2013 01:44 AM |
Wisdom story and learning in.
good |
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