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Re: "The story of a RSSR Soldier"
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| 05 Dec 2013 02:04 AM |
(Yes, I did take time out of homework to write a story, and yes, this does have to do with the RSSR and HRI battles, but this one is Stalingrad, which I find a amazing battle so without further ado, Let's begin!)
Chapter 1 "The Arrival"
"It was about 2:17 before the Germans invaded Stalingrad, my hometown, I wasn't aware of this at all until I heard the German Resistance delivering messages from Kreig, I never took any note of this, my men of the 62th Rifle Division were dispatched to Stalin, I simply told my men to round up in the tallest home they could find, all the citizens had evacuated to Moscow.
I hope my family is safe, we found a brick home after roaming a few blocks and it looked like it could take a few Panzer shots, so we stormed the house and prepared for a invasion, (Also now known as, 'Pavlovs House') after 6 hours of standing around looking into the mists of the town I saw no man wondering, my friend, Yakoven, reached for my shoulder as he pointed North,
German infantry ran through the town like wild pigs and began the terrible sound of Mp-40s firing in a distance, I threw a few grenades in their general direction and the shooting had stopped I heard a stern German accent shouting through a megaphone "SURRENDER! WE WILL HOLD THIS TOWN AND TAKE THE REST OF YOUR SO CALLED 'MOTHERLAND' SURRENDER OR DIE!" I dropped my gun and raised the RSSR's flag outside of a nearby window, crowds of my RSSR brothers roared and a Nosin shot rang out, everyone ducked quickly, and more screaming of the Germans Luftwaffe soldiers hit the ground, Another shot, I coulden't tell where these shots were coming from, I just stayed in cover until someone took him out, each second I peeked to shoot a German the shot got closer, I gave up when the bullet went past my ear, I moved next to my fellow Comrad Prevchenko before his body hit the floor, the sniper had shot him. Everyone rushed to his side while Yakoven shot a few remaining Germans, his last words were "Goodbye, my brothers" he had been shot in the lung, I tried to apply pressure to his wound but before I could do anything he had passed out, lung failure I guessed and went back to shooting, a brother I held dear had given his life to this cause, a life I will not spare, A cause I will die for too.
(I WILL WRITE MORE TODAY :D) |
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| 05 Dec 2013 04:25 AM |
First of all, when you're writing a story try to avoid using brackets, instead use commas, for example:
We climbed onto the plane, also know as the big jet, I found my seat and sat down.
Then after that using caps in a story is amateur writing, instead use exclamation marks it gives a better view, than just big letters.
Other than that proof read, it is important that you do so, it will improve your writing and reading. |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:03 AM |
I have dyslexia therefore I am sorry, I remembered to indent, Ect, and keep in mind. It was 2:50 Am when I wrote that. Nothing much, but thanks for the corrections! :D |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:12 AM |
| I've know a lot of people who have dyslexia, and I'm glad you make the effort in writing, keep on going. |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:16 AM |
And keep in mind, the story WAS rushed as I mentioned homework, but please, if you would like to know or learn more just reply :D
Oh, yes this is inspired by Call of Duty: World At War and Heinrich Amsel ect, Expect the second chapter around 4 or 3 Central time, most of my stories are rushed while they are still fresh in my head,
Like when I said "Let's" I only put brackets to put my own thoughts in, and so far most of the readers enjoy that, if you don't please don't send hate, go read some other story, anyways I am ADHD so i'll try to control the scenery and lots of my disabilities comes through in my writing and if that makes you uncomfortable sorry,
I'm suspecting this will be around 8-10 Chapters long, but until then expect major plot twists, and keep in mind, I can't give you the characters full names or their traits due to ROBLOX CD'ing them, so sorry xc.
I only put the words that Heinrich said in caps so you could get a certain feel to it, and so far the readers enjoy that too! But other than that please correct me on other things then spelling (Due to dyslexia) I will try to write 1 story per week, Or novel of 8 or 10 chapters. New Years i'll obviously be busy so sorry if i'm inactive on the stories, Please send me suggestions of my next story!
Until then I would love to hear your suggestions! Thanks :D BYE!
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:23 AM |
I lost interest when you decided that ADHD was an excuse for poor writing.
Donate all your money to me to save the endangered Bannanachair! |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:29 AM |
I have Asperger's Syndrome, another disorder on the ASD and so I have done some reading in my spare time. Do not use it as an excuse for poor (I have high standards, so you probably have average-ish) writing, as it will only seek to irritate me further.
Only seven days left before the Banannachair goes extinct! |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:35 AM |
Erm. I just means plots flow out of my head quickly, so I jot down ideas that might not be clear to you, or often i'll forget to review the story and the first chapter, as always is terrible, I find my stories fairly entertaining, and I respect your concern of how much my writing sucks, but why point out something obvious?
If you've read more than ONE chapter of my (Any story) story you should know as well as the rest of the people how my writing flows, and they thoroughly enjoy that I go through seeing double letters and swap scenes quickly and go through all this just for them to be entertained, but then again, it's no use in trying to stop me writing this stuff down on the Forums. It's impossible. I will respect your opinion of my writing and try to improve it, that's all. But if I receive any hate I will neglect it and move on with the story, at-least my friends enjoy it o.O
Anyways hope you guys have a wonderful day and by 3 or 4 I will have the next chapter, and if any of you would like my Gmail for personal requests I will do so gladly. I'm surprised how many people enjoy this. I thought of it as nothing and it'd just end up as a old forum. But thanks! All of your PMs are really helpful along with your replies!
Have a wonderful day! |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 05 Dec 2013 05:43 AM |
Dude, only Swift and I read this, and we've made our criticism clear. However, you do have some valid points about ADHD, and so I will not press the matter any further.
However, it is ALWAYS a good idea to have a logical flow and to proofread, if you can't remember this then just throw in a sticky note. Really, putting a stick-note on top of the monitor will help a LOT.
And as Swift has previously stated, USING ALL CAPITALS LIKE THIS is not as effective or professional-looking (Or easy to read) as simply using an exclamation point. Compare the following two paragraphs:
The man was walking down the road. He turned another corner, and there it was - The Artifact! He bent down to grab it, but was thrown back by the force of it's magical power. This is going to be difficult.
The man was walking down the road. He turned another corner, and there it was - THE ARTIFACT. He bent down to grab it, but was thrown back by the force of it's magical power. This is going to be difficult.
As you can see, the first one is easier to read. Another stick-note may be a good idea to have, if you'll have a hard time remembering that.
Only seven days left before the Banannachair goes extinct! |
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| 05 Dec 2013 01:50 PM |
I simply found the second one better, it gave you a certain feel to it, ! point show excitement, feelings, ECT. And I do have more than 2 people reading this. The following readers are: xxAngelcakexx codymitchell1 MrLego250 Wolfstalker123 Grinch3434 bjones44 Zapman120 And you two guys, If you would like validation please do so, but you are wasting my time, But thanks about dropping the ADHD, I get made fun enough about it. I write because I enjoy it, it takes me away from the stress and depression of reality and I thank every person that reads these books for they are morphine on a stabwound, But anyways, it's my writing style. I respect your suggestions but you can't change how I would LIKE to write. You may tell me of better WAYS to, but my style is my style and you can't change that. If you have anything regarding this I will be forced to ignore you both. |
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| 05 Dec 2013 02:28 PM |
Chapter 2 "The Awakening"
"We heard tanks scream through the gravel as the bursts of enemy Artillery created cover and obstacles for the German Tanks, the Luftwaffe were still flying over us, we only had 2 Anti-Tank Grenades and we had to throw one at the remaining tank, a sudden burst shook the whole building, Mortar fire was raining down as we fired our remaining ammunition. We were running low on supplies, I heard another horrible sound... A tank rolling through the pavement we saw more men storming the nearby houses. It was obviously the end. We said goodbye to each other man, we knew the Red Army would re-take Stalingrad, but until then we would die. I took my dagger and edged into the wall "Sargent Pavlovs men fought here and died here" a burst of the tanks shot shook the building again, half the floors were exposed and you could hear the Germans shouting in Victory thinking they had Stalin, we knew we would die on these grounds, we found a music record (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDm6XgGnPMk)
We played it into our last moments, we were going to die. We threw our last Grenades and we ran out of ammo, the German tanks were storming in our position, they fired a few shells into the brick walls and the impact of the shell sent the remaining men back, I knew I coulden't run. Germans stormed the building and one hit my shoulder and the last moments were black. |
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| 06 Dec 2013 12:37 AM |
Chapter 3 "The faint, the death, and the blood"
"I woke up to see my brothers dead, the Red Army had lost Stalingrad's front line. I rushed up and grabbed my PPSh-41, almost forgetting that bullet in my shoulder. I must have passed out from loss of blood, I could tell he hit a vital organ. My PPSh was too heavy. I took Yako's pistol and moved on, The Germans were long far from the Front Lines, but I could tell of the commanders would set up station here, I took all of my brothers supply and headed out the building. The Germans outpost was about 2 miles West, thanks to a dead HRI officers radio.
I headed my way out the building but it felt like the stairs were falling under me.
I began sprinting and saw a German with a headshot, must've been a sharpshooter that did that, I began stripping him and taking his uniform, my German still rusty but it could stall me all the attention, so I sprinted until my legs felt like falling,
I had made it to the outpost. I could see the tent with wires and Germans guarding it, I loaded my pistol and wondered around for a silencer, there was no use. I grabbed my knife and put the pistol in my holster, I put a peice of cloth from my uniform over my hand, I could now choke him and slit his throat, a gory way, but If I just shot I would be killed quickly. One by one, I took them out, dragged the bodies out of sight until there were only two guards left at the tents entrance I peeked around a corner a safe distance from them and out of sight and I saw 2 Generals discussing how to take over the rest of Stalingrad, I of course thought of this in a negative way, but I needed to get rid of the two at the front, I put my weapons behind my back and walked up to them "Wie ist Ihr Tag?" (How is your day) I said in a strong German accent. He responded "Gut, was ist Ihr Grund hier? (Good, what is your reason here?) I replied "Ich gebraucht werde, um etwas mit den Generälen allein zu diskutieren," (I am needed to discuss something with the Generals alone) they both looked at each-other and saw my officer patch and stepped aside, they said "weitermachen" (Carry on) and left their post, I knew if they came back we would have trouble, this is war. Killing and murdering is war, a sudden wash of misery came upon me as I snapped his neck, I walked quickly to the other German and stabbed him, now I could rest in peace knowing that they woulden't come back, I went through the tent door,
"Sie haben Stalingrad genommen, werde ich dich mit Blut und Tod zurückzahlen, Sie beide, Zeit zu sterben." (You have taken Stalingrad, I will repay you with blood and death, both of you, time to die.) I said, the generals looked at me with fear, I shot Hein in the foot and stabbed the other person which I do not recall of his name for his last words were "Zur Hölle fahren!" (Go to heil) I looked at Hein one last time and asked him "Why did you do this?" he looked at me suddenly and reached for a C96 mauser, I panicked and shot, I had killed the man that caused the destruction of Stalingrad, soon after word got out I lived and in German articles said "The man that cheated death"
I suddenly began walking back to the Germans front lines, one by one I took out the officers, Adolph heard of this and was forced to cut off supply to the HRI front and defense, Stalingrads soldiers over-came them quickly, all I could hear was terrible screams and by the time the Germans retreated and held back to Pavlovls house.... The Red Army was taking back Stalingrad, the next RSSR soldier I saw I ran up to, he aimed his rifle at me, I said "It is me! A survivor of Pavlovs Regiment! I have been stuck here for days, I killed many officers, even Hein!" the soldier aimed down his rifle and looked at me and shook my hand, he said "62nd Rifle Division, we're all that's left of it." I grinned at him, and we walked to a medic, I asked him of his name he only responded "Chakarov" it sounded familiar, but I dismissed that and the medics got to my arm,
It turns out I would be okay, I was awarded the Medal Of Honor and even got my Uniform and guns back as a trophy and a remembrance of the day I took back Stalingrad. But there was still many wars ahead of me, I only have this journal which I hope will tell the tales of my legacy beyond my grave,
-Andrich Sankovich
62nd Rifle Division, Pavlovls Regiment, 1942, "A Hero Of Stalingrad" |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 06 Dec 2013 12:44 AM |
Nice work, but my proxy server doesn't allow YouTube. The third chapter is by far the best of them all, as well.
However, I don't see how anyone can find the all capitals being easy to read.
Only seven days left before the Banannachair goes extinct! |
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| 06 Dec 2013 02:51 AM |
Erm,
I'll stop with the capitals then, Anyways, the record they played was "Renate Müller: 'Liebe ist ein Geheimnis' Tango" The Germans actually sang along with it and the Russians stopped firing, but I cut that out. The actual battle of Stalingrad almost stopped because of that song, then a angry German shot a round at Pavlovs foot, and the firing rang out again.
It's a beautiful song, truly is, although you may not understand the lyrics I dont either and it's still wonderful. The writing of Chapter 3 actually took place in a HRI Raid, that made the feel of it better, I of course write the stories for the HRI to surrender, the RSSR is obviously winning, I write these stories to get their attention, you may seem like "Oh, great story is this the end of the book?" it is, it was a short story I agree.
Suggestions would be great, i'll write about anything, usually war in the past, but hey, i'll do a love story, ECT. Whatever makes you happy! Most of these stories are just jotted down while fresh in my head, but oh well! I may continue the Stalingrad feel, only through the Germans perspective.
Have a wonderful day buddy! |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 06 Dec 2013 03:01 AM |
Only seven days left before the Banannachair goes extinct! |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 06 Dec 2013 03:02 AM |
Sorry, I didn't mean to just randomly post my siggy, it was an accident, I swear!
Only seven days left before the Banannachair goes extinct! |
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timpookie
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| Joined: 18 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 21924 |
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| 06 Dec 2013 03:15 AM |
It's an endangered species of chair.
Only seven days left before the Banannachair goes extinct! |
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| 06 Dec 2013 03:26 AM |
Watching "Most Popular Girls In School" with someone special. i'll probably have trouble getting this out of my head so sorry if i'm late on chapters! |
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Lucinez
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| Joined: 27 Oct 2013 |
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| 10 Dec 2013 03:46 PM |
| ...Tim, actually me and my sister are reading this and there is no need to be cruel. We all have problems and he wrote this at 2:50... (- . -) |
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| 10 Dec 2013 10:14 PM |
Hey guys calm down.
Lets all mate
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| 11 Dec 2013 04:58 AM |
I'm sorry tim is socially awkward and he feels left out from society but I could care less, it's like dropping a penny on the ground, who cares? Just keep walking, besides what can a penny buy? In the end it's always useless, so would you rather keep on moving AWAY from the penny and let some 3 year old get all happy over finding money on the ground or are you going to be stubborn and pick it up?
Your choice, Nothing can prevent that. Swift this isn't even about you in anyway. Confusing. |
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| 11 Dec 2013 05:17 AM |
Okay first of all, I feel responsible for everyone in MTVB, if one of us gets hit down, then I'll immediately stand by his/her side.
I don't think Tim is socially awkward, Timpokie is an author like me, and you. Sometimes Authors take things over seriously.
I do think this has something to do about me, and if it doesn't it will now.
If you would care less then why'd you post this? Also over describing things doesn't really show how talented you are, it shows your ambitions, and weakness.
I don't want arguments over nothing to start up here, and as I said before, we should just all calm down. |
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