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ratSgnitoohSi is not online. ratSgnitoohSi
Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 13609
01 Dec 2013 08:26 PM
This really looks good to me, but I need opinions.

The year is 2120. A 12-year-old boy is about to begin summer vacation. He goes home to find his parents and younger sister under hostage. The boy tries to save his sister (his parents were just killed) from being taken away by the villains, but the boy gets hit in the head by a bat. He goes into a coma, and doesn’t wake up for another 10 years. The year is now 2130. He wakes up, and finds out that that same terrorist group is now ruling the government. Also, he finds America to have a different name now (Runimia) and that the atmosphere is filled with smog, as well as everything else you can imagine as a very dull world as well as many cities being collapsed. He must try to find his sister. Along the way, he finds a group of people that want to try and overthrow the tyrannical government. He builds a strong relationship with a girl in that group, as well as becoming good friends with everyone else. They all go on their own missions to assassinate political leaders, and then move on to the tyrant leader. But, the boy finds out that along the way after assassinating one of the officials, the love of his life died. The boy is in deep depression, and thinks about soo-i-cide. His best friend from the group helps the boy escape his depression by finding his sister. They then go on to murder the tyrannical leader, but the boy and his sister are in critical condition. They both go on to live, and the people of Runimia are now living in a now peaceful country.

Would you guys actually read a story like this? Is it interesting?
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camodude10 is not online. camodude10
Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 15053
01 Dec 2013 08:29 PM
Would I read it sure.

But you should have a bad ending, so you can make another one if you do grow into a real writer after this one.

"At the end of the day you have to look in the mirror and say, did I give it my all today?" - Vols DB Inky Johnson
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deadspin is not online. deadspin
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15099
01 Dec 2013 08:30 PM
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dpack123 is not online. dpack123
Joined: 03 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 9009
01 Dec 2013 08:31 PM
>Runimia
wow u luv rune or something

~Proud Minnesotan~
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Sharkeisha is not online. Sharkeisha
Joined: 27 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 2659
01 Dec 2013 08:31 PM
Runimia...?
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SirHurricane is not online. SirHurricane
Joined: 04 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 34626
01 Dec 2013 08:31 PM
to be honest if the storyline followed that exact thing iss i'd give it 4/5 at best, probably 3.5/5

it's not a 4.5 or 5, but it's decent or good, just not great
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drbat is not online. drbat
Joined: 13 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 19350
01 Dec 2013 08:32 PM
*sniff sniff* this is a much better love story then twilight
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Sharkeisha is not online. Sharkeisha
Joined: 27 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 2659
01 Dec 2013 08:32 PM
By the way I knew it was going to be terrible as soon as I read 2120
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ratSgnitoohSi is not online. ratSgnitoohSi
Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 13609
01 Dec 2013 08:33 PM
Wow, I completely forgot about the idea of being original.

Scrap that idea. :(
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deadspin is not online. deadspin
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15099
01 Dec 2013 08:33 PM
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Sharkeisha is not online. Sharkeisha
Joined: 27 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 2659
01 Dec 2013 08:35 PM
It's my opinion tato
Get over it
Go pretend to be drunk again
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doublelonghorn is not online. doublelonghorn
Joined: 03 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 19267
01 Dec 2013 08:35 PM
not bad.


I liked it.
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deadspin is not online. deadspin
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15099
01 Dec 2013 08:35 PM
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ratSgnitoohSi is not online. ratSgnitoohSi
Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 13609
01 Dec 2013 08:36 PM
I used Runimia since it was my nation's name for an old game called NationStates.

And rune, I really want it to be in the future. And I really want the idea of the world to be in ruins.
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BlueMatter is not online. BlueMatter
Joined: 31 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10221
01 Dec 2013 08:37 PM
kinda feels like hunger games
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Sharkeisha is not online. Sharkeisha
Joined: 27 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 2659
01 Dec 2013 08:37 PM
@iSS

That's completely fine but it's a bit unoriginal
I like how you added the parts about the smog and collapsed cities though
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deadspin is not online. deadspin
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15099
01 Dec 2013 08:38 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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SirHurricane is not online. SirHurricane
Joined: 04 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 34626
01 Dec 2013 08:38 PM
@yoyo
ikr that's what i was thinking
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ratSgnitoohSi is not online. ratSgnitoohSi
Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 13609
01 Dec 2013 08:40 PM
Holy crap, now that I think about it yoyo, my story was almost the same thing as Hunger Games, just without the survival thing.
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camodude10 is not online. camodude10
Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 15053
01 Dec 2013 08:40 PM
Tato are you an alchy?

"At the end of the day you have to look in the mirror and say, did I give it my all today?" - Vols DB Inky Johnson
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Sharkeisha is not online. Sharkeisha
Joined: 27 Nov 2013
Total Posts: 2659
01 Dec 2013 08:40 PM
Congratulations you're so edgy you brag about being drunk on a website with a bunch of preteens. And you seem more mad than me lol
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deadspin is not online. deadspin
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15099
01 Dec 2013 08:41 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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DeadMan253 is not online. DeadMan253
Joined: 15 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 18101
01 Dec 2013 08:41 PM
What tato said, it's very post apocalyptic cliche, but a decent enough plot to go and expand from

It's probably TOO big of a plot though, too much would go on at once.
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deadspin is not online. deadspin
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15099
01 Dec 2013 08:42 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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DeadMan253 is not online. DeadMan253
Joined: 15 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 18101
01 Dec 2013 08:42 PM
>rune says tato is "bragged" over being drunk on a forum with preteens

>half of the things Rune post is of him boasting himself
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