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Re: Writing Practice

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LeslieVernon is not online. LeslieVernon
Joined: 15 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10800
02 Nov 2013 08:53 PM
Somewhere in the dark, a pair of eyes opened. And what they looked upon was brighter than the hottest stars and more mysterious than the deepest of waters - the night. They belonged to a man, if you could call him that, named Anthony Hansen. He stood upward and glanced on. The door to his crypt swung open and out he went.

(This isn't the halloween story I talked about. That will be posted later. This is just to try and write down an idea I had.)
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
03 Nov 2013 07:17 AM
Nowt baad.
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LeslieVernon is not online. LeslieVernon
Joined: 15 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10800
03 Nov 2013 01:15 PM
Anthony got knocked back onto the ground, his body smacked firmly against the wet soil. He tried to move his arms. He tried to get up. He couldn't. Then he felt a weight over his chest and saw someone looking down at him.

"You won't be able to move. I've placed a garlic necklace around you." Anthony understood and felt his eyes begin to water.

"Abraham, my friend," the garlic made him feel weak. Weakness made him feel human. "I'm so sorry. For everything, Abe." The wetness around his eyes turned to tears and in that moment even Abraham felt bad. "I'm sorry, Anthony. You killed a lot of people." Anthony looked at Abraham and spoke as clear as he could. "Do it." He commanded.

Abraham lifted his right hand where he held a wooden stake, crafted to perfection. In his other hand was a large metallic hammer. "God save you, Anthony," he whispered. Then he began to pound the stake into Anthony's chest. Blood spurted out in horrendous sprays. Anthony cried out in pain with every hit. Then it was done. Abraham lifted the necklace from over his head and put it in his bag.

He began to walk away and felt tears begin to fall. But he would ignore them. He knew what life he led. Friends would have to die, even if it meant all of them. And that's why he chose that life, to prevent even more death.

For he was Abraham Van Helsing - a hero.
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
03 Nov 2013 01:18 PM
Every one knows you don't kill a vamp with a stake, you chop it's frigen head off.


I'm disappointed in you.



But nice story, try to use more commas instead of periods.
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aznguyitran is not online. aznguyitran
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Total Posts: 18600
03 Nov 2013 01:21 PM
in the heart it works.

But yeah chopping off head does too.
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
03 Nov 2013 01:23 PM
Woodchopper>Everything
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mageofpower is not online. mageofpower
Top 100 Poster
Joined: 01 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 43654
03 Nov 2013 01:24 PM
"You won't be able to move. I've placed a garlic necklace around you."

In most vampiric legends Garlic simply wards off vampires. It shouldn't stop them from using their arms to life a necklace off their neck and throw it aside.
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aznguyitran is not online. aznguyitran
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Total Posts: 18600
03 Nov 2013 01:24 PM
I don't understand why it has to be wood though.

someone explain
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
03 Nov 2013 01:25 PM
Yeah but if it's placed around a necklace it's like chaining him up.
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mageofpower is not online. mageofpower
Top 100 Poster
Joined: 01 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 43654
03 Nov 2013 01:27 PM
It's because wood used to be alive. You can't kill something dead with something that was never alive. It HAS to be wood because it sucks all the 'undead life' out of them. Some people say only trees that bear fruit work because the the trees the wood was taken from are used to bearing lives other than their own, and therefore are suitable to continue carrying the life of others, even life that doesn't exist, aka vampires.

...Apparently.

Yeah but if it's placed around a necklace it's like chaining him up.

What's stopping him from just taking the thing off? Can't Vampires turn into a mist? Turn into a mist and fly away, land on top of the fool and eat him! You're a terrible vampire Anthony!
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aznguyitran is not online. aznguyitran
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Total Posts: 18600
03 Nov 2013 01:29 PM
Oh i see
Thanks for explaining
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
03 Nov 2013 01:30 PM
Actually only Dracula the century old vampire could do it.


There are lots of vampire lore out there, some can unlock doors others can appear in dreams.


Practically the only thing they have in common is sucking blood.
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LeslieVernon is not online. LeslieVernon
Joined: 15 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10800
03 Nov 2013 01:42 PM
I don't like thinking of vampires as shape shifting gods that can flatten themselves and turn into wolves and mist and shadow and other people and have no reflection and so on.

Now the garlic thing is a bit odd but I mainly did that to have the "weakness made him feel human" thing because I thought that was cool. If you want an explanation, garlic wards off vampires because let's say, it hurts them. Putting garlic over him paralyzed him with pain. Dig it?

And swift, using a lot of commas actually weakens sentence structure - so no.
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LeslieVernon is not online. LeslieVernon
Joined: 15 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10800
03 Nov 2013 01:45 PM
I also don't like the idea of the stake being specific or a stake at all. I like to think Lost Boys wise - if it pierces the heart, the vampire dies. Unfortunately the uneducated slayers of the 1880s don't know that.
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Ultracrash is not online. Ultracrash
Joined: 13 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 11022
03 Nov 2013 04:27 PM
Nice story Les. Ye.

"Every one knows you don't kill a vamp with a stake, you chop it's frigen head off."

I never understood SPN's interpretation of Vampires.
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PestJ is not online. PestJ
Joined: 22 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 18267
03 Nov 2013 04:29 PM
mm. mm. good story, yes.
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LeslieVernon is not online. LeslieVernon
Joined: 15 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10800
03 Nov 2013 04:47 PM
Or their interpretation of werewolves.

Honestly the normal shapeshifters are the best monsters on the show, I think. The alpha shapeshifter was kinda cheap, tho.
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swiftattak7 is not online. swiftattak7
Joined: 09 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8029
03 Nov 2013 10:48 PM
I'm pretty sure SPN just wanted to put an original twist in the thing.


The werewolf interpretation wasn't theres though. Silver bullet to the heart came from the 16th century if I remember from a dozen or more stories.
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aznguyitran is not online. aznguyitran
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Total Posts: 18600
04 Nov 2013 01:00 AM
I thought everyone would be offline by now lol
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