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Re: I Think my Family Hates Me (I wrote this)

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goof333 is not online. goof333
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 16615
05 Oct 2013 12:37 PM
I Think my Family Hates Me

But pretends to love me so I wont find out.

They say I am the best, the favorite one.

But I know something they are not telling me, I can see it in there eyes as they speak.

Snakes in the grass. Cold and twofaced, with masks of false emotions and deceitful reassurance of hopes and dreams they long ago have abandoned.

Lingering resentfulness, just under the skin. Well hidden but not out of sight for one who knows what to look for.

They are no longer real, no longer conscious of others, no presence but themselves.

Books collecting dust on the top shelf, stories unfinished, the author of lost wills and unfulfilled ideas.

Blank pages that say so much but mean absolutely nothing. The worst of stories, full of fictional memories and fraudulent senses of accomplishment.

I can see through you, for what there is left to see, no matter how numerous the walls be that you have built around yourselves.

My eyes, the emerald green torches of suppressed youth, peering through the darkness within your own eyes. I can see you, what is left of that starving and neglected 'thing' you call a soul.
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LeonTB is not online. LeonTB
Joined: 12 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 5948
05 Oct 2013 01:03 PM
Shouldn't this be in RP?
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goof333 is not online. goof333
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 16615
05 Oct 2013 01:18 PM
Wait why?

I have no idea where this belongs. :>

I just thought since this was MTVB you guys could give me feedback on what you thought of this.

:3
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IceDragon4242 is not online. IceDragon4242
Joined: 23 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 183
05 Oct 2013 01:21 PM
Nice
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goof333 is not online. goof333
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 16615
05 Oct 2013 01:23 PM
I am practicing writing things that will bring out an emotion in the reader, did it work?
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IceDragon4242 is not online. IceDragon4242
Joined: 23 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 183
05 Oct 2013 01:24 PM
Yea
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goof333 is not online. goof333
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 16615
05 Oct 2013 01:26 PM
Any sugestions on how to improove?
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goof333 is not online. goof333
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 16615
05 Oct 2013 02:07 PM
Bump. :>
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aznguyitran is not online. aznguyitran
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Total Posts: 18600
05 Oct 2013 02:24 PM
Nope i think this is perfect.
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goof333 is not online. goof333
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 16615
05 Oct 2013 02:28 PM
:3
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