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| 01 Oct 2013 09:54 PM |
=> This is the first part if my story for my WIJ Corus division portfolio.
WRITERS NOTES/ANNOUNCEMENTS: => This part of the story was not meant to have very much dialogue, my objective for this chapter was to simply give out all of the supporting detail. => This is the 2nd version of the story. I took all notes, criticism, etc. from the 1st version and added it for this version. If I receive more suggestions, it will go to the 2nd part of the story, I will not update this version again.
Part I: THE RECRUIT
Chapter 1: The Recruit
With my feet freezing, facing frostbite, and my face numb without feeling, I jumped out into space. All around me was emptiness with my home planet Chiron lurking in the distant darkness. I floated in the empty space for what felt like hours but was really only a matter of moments. As I looked below me I could see where I grew up, living in poverty with my mother, until I was 18 years old and finally able to enlist in the WIJ Corporation. Above me was the moon of Chiron, a massive white planet that simply existed at night time to luminate my home planet. After a couple more seconds of floating in space, I made it into the transfer capsule heading to the WIJ Fleet # 276.
It was my first day as a WIJ soldier, preparing to get my training from the best of the best. For years the WIJ Sentinels and Lieutenants have worked ruthlessly together and now they are preparing to share all of their knowledge with myself and the other Troopers. Along with me were 12 other young men and women who also recently joined WIJ when they turned of age. I was sitting near the pilot cockpit beside the only female trainee on the ship. We never spoke a word to each other, but I was able to determine that her last name was "Adams" due to the name tag on her chest piece, which reminded me of my father, "Adam Jones". My father also served for WIJ, but when he was 36 years old and a Grenadier, my father was KIA by a member of the JIW Organization which is an anti-WIJ group founded by a former WIJ HICOM member who was exiled.
"Hey Kid!" Interrupted one of the Sentinels, as I was thinking of my father, "It's time to go!". As I stood up and looked around, everyone was moving around getting on their gear. I started to follow suit and mimick everything Adams was doing all the way from tying up my gravity shoes, to squeezing on my thermal helmet. When I had all of my equipment on and ready to go, I looked over at Adams who was crying. It wasn't a heavy cry, but simply a light cry. As her tears rolled down her cheek, and then tumbled down to the ground, she turned and rushed over to the launch pad with no hesitation, trying to keep the fact that she was crying from me and me only.
Before I was able to speak with Adams to ask what was wrong and why she was crying, an announcement came on over the intercom that was telling us we had 10 seconds until we would be in position to board the WIJ Fleet. Moments later a small cylinder shape just large enough for a human came out of our ship and latched on to the Fleet. The door of our ship opened and our Lieutenant trainer started yelling "Go! Go! Go!", Adams, being at the front of the line and myself directly behind, dove into the tunnel connected to the Fleet and floated to the other side. When she reached the other side and landed on her feet, I was ordered to jump out. The tube was not very long but for the moments I was out there it felt like I was invincible, the commander if the galaxy. The feeling of floating to the other side with no effort was simply amazing, and unique. When I landed on the Fleet beside Adams, I turned back to watch the rest of the recruits jump over. As I saw the third recruit start to jump over, I noticed a small cylinder shaped object about the size of my forearm float over to the transfer ship. As the object collided with the ship, there was a gentle flash of light, for the split second that the light lasted, it looked beautiful. When the flash of light vanished a small circular ring began to form. As the ring grew larger, I could see the ship beginning to explode, piece by piece, the ship began to disintegrate down to every screw and bolt.
TO BE CONTINUED...
=> Thank you for reading Part I of my new WIJ Story! Please send all suggestions for future Parts to my PMs or reply to this thread. |
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kaelan01
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| Joined: 17 May 2008 |
| Total Posts: 21444 |
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| 02 Oct 2013 05:47 AM |
Did you mean if>of?
Choice of words could of been a bit better. Overall it was ok. |
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| 02 Oct 2013 06:14 AM |
I know, I should take more time switching better professional words in.
But what do you mean by the if>of? |
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| 10 Nov 2013 09:46 PM |
| i havent even started the 2nd chapter yet lol |
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