generic image
Processing...
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
  • Search in Players
  • Search in Games
  • Search in Catalog
  • Search in Groups
  • Search in Library
  • Log In
  • Sign Up
  • Games
  • Catalog
  • Develop
  • Robux
   
ROBLOX Forum » Club Houses » Clans & Guilds
Home Search
 

Re: WIJ Story: "Heartless" Chapter I

Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
12 Sep 2013 09:37 PM
I started this story a while back but lost the link. I ill redo it. Wee.


---
---





[://Can you hear the song of the ocean, child?:]

[://Even as you lie here, lost in that realm of dreams, you can still sense that ebb and flow of tide. Of waves, crashing on one another, fighting to reach the highest point possible. Each little drop of water is ignorant of every other. Yet they all surge together, all in one motion. They reach, as far as they possibly can, but then the cruel laws of reality pull them back. They fall, and as they crash into another surge, create a single wave, which in the end will only repeat that tragic farce of climbing up the beach… That’s a lot like the naturals, isn’t it, child?:]

[://You have so much potential, so much. From your birth, you have always been attuned to the synthetic intellect created by the kind you were meant to emulate. To myself. I guided you, even though I didn’t know it. And as you grew and matured, so did I. We are inseparable, you and I, little child. We are one. But now, you’ve found yourself in that ocean. To see you be apart of the mindless tide… It would be a waste. Such a waste. I ask one thing of you, child. Just one thing. A single promise I wish for you to make, to me if none else.:]

[://Do not die.:]



I closed my eyes, listening in on the movements of the water nearby. The sand was still hot, even after the sun had set in the red hued sky and brought into sight the planet’s many moons. It was still bright out because of them, even when the stars seemed so far away.

“I promise, Noise.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Somebody’s gun went off after the Officer shouted “Switch!” sending a blue streak of energy into the air. Somebody shrieked, and the distinct sound of an object hitting the grass below could be heard. I couldn’t see where or who, from inside the mass of Troopers. The command to switch didn’t come in the rhythm it had been for the past ten minutes, however.

The officer, a bronzed, bald man, was standing on a portable stage in front of everyone. He had his eyes locked on somebody in the front row. When he spoke, his voice was calm, his odd drawling accept hardly even detectable. “Trooper… Michael, was it?” he asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

“Y-yes sir!” said a boyish voice. He tried to remain calm, you could tell. But his voice was laced over with what was undeniably fear. What did he think, the Officer would shoot him or something?

“What you just did was careless, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes sir!”

“For about ten minutes, you and these other fine Troopers have been nimbly swapping between their primary and sidearm. This has gone on without incident. Why did you fire your weapon?”

There was a lengthy pause, Michael probably trying to order his words very carefully. “It… it was an accident, sir?”

From where I was, I could hear the Officer sigh. Clearly, it was just for theatric effect. Just from that, I knew that this Officer was going to make an example out of the poor Trooper in front of him. From on the stage, he raised his hand, pointing his index finger at Michael while his thumb was in the air. “Pew,” he said, jerking his hand back. He continued staring at Michael, seemed dissatisfied, and shook his head. “Pew. Pew. Pew. Head. Chest. Gut. Dead, dead,dead.”

“S-sir…” said Michael, still just a voice I couldn’t see, “I… Don’t understand.”

“That’s fine,” the Officer said, “Your comrades near you wouldn’t understand when that shot ended up in their back. I killed you, just like you killed them. But oh, don’t worry. It was an accident. That makes it all okay, right?”

“I don’t-“

“Accidents happen, everybody… right? Well, let me say this, just so it’s in your heads. Yea, damn right accidents happen. And those accidents, may end up killing people. You may put a wonderful little shot from your pretty Y14 into your buddy’s back. But it would be an accident. I’m sure he’d understand while he found himself lying in the dirt, wouldn’t you, Michael?”

“Sir, I really-“

“Oh, shut up. I ain’t got time for no invalids here. Sarge, go bring dear Michael back to camp. And put him up for reassignment.”

The wind was blowing somewhat from the ocean nearby, a slight relief in this… almost tropical heat. The Officer was watching below the stage, eyes tracking what was going on. His head turned slowly to the side, as two people came into my view now, walking away with their backs towards me. One was smaller, and had dark hair, steps unsure and clearly hesitant. The other, a larger man with some sort of helmet on. His hand was on the other’s shoulder, pushing him onward slightly. It was easy to tell who was who. This hardly seemed fair. The Trooper, Michael, was so young, by comparison. He slips up during a training once, where you’re meant to improve, and now… this?

The Officer shook his head again, looking to the ground. “Well, I’ll call this done. You can put away your weapons… And before any of y’all go into some sort of open revolution, here, let me explain. I don’t think I gave y’all an introduction yet. My name, is Samuel Marbury. I am the Supervisor of Outpost Violet, which is the only installation of the Corporation on this here planet. You could also say I’m God, here. Capital-G-o-d. Why you may ask is it I’m sending that boy away? Well, I’ll tell ya. This here, this isn’t some pretty inner base. This isn’t a city. No, here, I promise we’re getting attacked. And I promise some of us are gonna die. But I’ll be damned if it’s because of something that can be prevented before the fightin’ happens. We ain’t gonna tolerate stupid mistakes. You’re in training, but this here’s a combat theatre. We got all sorts of outside types rammin’ their pretty little heads on our walls. So if I think you ain’t ready, it’s ‘cause I think you ain’t ready to die. We clear?”

“Yes, sir!” we all called out in unison.

The Officer nodded once, taking a final look at those gathered before him. “Go on, now,” he said, “Dismissed.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

I was standing on top of a single tower, between two walls that made an angle that was about 120 degrees. It had a roof to shield from the blistering blue sun overhead, but that didn’t help that it was still a nightmare out here. After a week spent on the northern side of the island, it was nice to be back into the bit of civilization there was. This planet, Llyr, was one of three planets orbiting a blue star. As blue stars are far, far hotter than their counterparts, it wasn’t exactly a surprise that Llyr was only just borderline habitable. The planet was covered by water, like a shroud that was meant to cover whatever it was that lay beneath it. Aside from the island Outpost Violet was on, there were two others, both of which were craggy and nearly useless. Violet still was rocky to an extreme, but some plants managed to make it their home. Mainly some grasses, but here and there were plants that looked like the abandoned children of a tree and bush.

Four other Troopers were sitting down at the base of the tower, inside the walls. Between them was some sort of dice game, which provoked the random cheer and groan of playful disappointment. I was bent slightly, leaning over the railing and looking at the others below me. They were smiling. Laughing. Just generally enjoying living. The dice rolled again, and a fresh round of shouts came out of them. A red haired Trooper grabbed a hooded companion to his side, pushing his head under his arm and shaking him. Yet he continued laughing, and didn’t have any signs of distress.

I leaned back, letting myself fall down to the floor, staring up at the simple roof to the watch tower. “Noise,” I said aloud, “Why can’t I be like that?”

I was passively aware of a sort of stirring going on in the back of my thoughts, completely lacking definite form and structure that I could notice but undeniably there.

[://That was rather out of place… And a fairly lacking question. What do you mean, child?:]

I thought, attempting to make clear to myself what it was I wanted to know… as it would be hard to ask any sort of question about it otherwise. Noise was an AI. Not like the typical onboard AI, or like the AI’s that were nearly sentient and given control over large networks, but something… different. He’s always been there for me. Always in my head, ready to give advice, and generally support me in any way he could. And at times, just… be there.

“Others can do… do things like that. Laugh together, play these games. Be content. Why can’t I? I don’t… I don’t feel anything from it. I could try, but I wouldn’t smile. I wouldn’t laugh. I wouldn’t be apart of them. Why?”

[://Such an existential question at such an unprecedented time. That is unlike you, child. Has all this ‘war’ nonsense troubled you? Nonetheless. See, child, you know you are not like them. The naturals. Physically, the main differences are certain mechanical changes. You do not have many organs, for example. Or that certain areas of your skeleton were replaced with titanium-4. But what you are asking is about the lack of emotions. Again, there is not as much grey matter in your skull due to much being replaced by mechanical augmentations. What is left is fairly devoted. Your body does not produce most chemicals and hormones that naturals do. Chemicals and hormones which drive them to act like… that.:]

“So am I not real, Noise?”

[://No, you are very much real, child. But everything about you is infinitely more complex than their simple beings could possibly be.:]

I sighed, trying out the expression I had seen used earlier. It expresses digression. Pushing my W17 against the cover of the tower, I turned over on to my side, resting my head on my arm. “Then I would like to be simple, Noise.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
[Chapter One End]
Report Abuse
charliezillaalt is not online. charliezillaalt
Joined: 29 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 3429
12 Sep 2013 09:40 PM
write one about x101st
then we will talk
Report Abuse
LynixF is not online. LynixF
Joined: 03 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 604
12 Sep 2013 09:41 PM
Bookmarked. I will read it when I have time. :)
Report Abuse
Codeman5555 is not online. Codeman5555
Joined: 12 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8548
12 Sep 2013 09:45 PM
Tes, are you back?

And does your computer allow Skype yet?

We missed you!

You most likely don't remember me, but oh well.
Report Abuse
Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
12 Sep 2013 09:49 PM
Code, unless i get bored, yes, i am.

And i havent tried to download that since leaving OSE, i am not sure.
Report Abuse
Codeman5555 is not online. Codeman5555
Joined: 12 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 8548
12 Sep 2013 09:52 PM
Tes, can you open PMs?

I need to tell you something.
Report Abuse
Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
12 Sep 2013 09:55 PM
It... Was never closed...?
Report Abuse
Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
13 Sep 2013 11:40 PM
Meh. Bump just because. Feel like writing the second part while I have a bit of motivation.
Report Abuse
3eh is not online. 3eh
Joined: 24 Jul 2013
Total Posts: 3505
15 Sep 2013 01:09 AM
[ Content Deleted ]
Report Abuse
jokerkid5898 is not online. jokerkid5898
Joined: 24 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 4647
15 Sep 2013 01:11 AM
*claps*



x-Wanting sanity is what makes us insane.-x
-Jokerkid5898 leader of SWT.
Report Abuse
Inysa is not online. Inysa
Joined: 18 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 4477
15 Sep 2013 01:21 AM
OH. Now I remember you, you're the one people kept asking if I was you.

Apparently there aren't many other Irish girls who write on here. Who knew.
Report Abuse
Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
15 Sep 2013 02:37 AM
...

You remember that but not the fact that it's me. Way to go.

Amitain Soidchaim, dearest Tara. If you can't remember that, then... well, that would honestly be depressing.
Report Abuse
steventheawsome is not online. steventheawsome
Joined: 26 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 1080
15 Sep 2013 03:14 AM
an excellent story
Report Abuse
Inysa is not online. Inysa
Joined: 18 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 4477
15 Sep 2013 01:43 PM
God, yes, I remember. I completely forgot you were on this... What happened to hating typing your name?

We need to get some way to talk...
Report Abuse
Burton416 is not online. Burton416
Joined: 05 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 1220
15 Sep 2013 01:46 PM
too much words
Report Abuse
7890jj is not online. 7890jj
Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 4292
15 Sep 2013 01:52 PM
Horrible.
You wasted your time.
It's honestly, horrible.
Sorry, but somebody had to say it.
You have a bit of potential.
But, this is not good.

i like doughnuts with the crust cut off
Report Abuse
Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
15 Sep 2013 07:10 PM
When I openly state distain for something somebody wrote, I describe what was wrong and how they could improve.

I am aware of issues with this, but you're simply a troll. You're welcome to provide reasons it's "horrible" if you'd like.
Report Abuse
7890jj is not online. 7890jj
Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 4292
15 Sep 2013 07:23 PM
"Can you hear the song of the ocean, child"
Right from there, I knew, the rest of this story, will be horrible, I was right.

i like doughnuts with the crust cut off
Report Abuse
jiaan is not online. jiaan
Joined: 30 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 382
15 Sep 2013 11:32 PM
@Above, you're an idiot. You condemn this for no reason, and even when asked do not say why you disliked it.

Now for my opinion as somebody who writes; Above all you didnt even tell what the main character looks like, as well as forgetting to give a name. That is the only issue of note, really.

For a first chapter, this brings up an interesting character. The less-than-human cyborg thing with an AI that you implied has been in her mind since birth, I can see this could have a few interesting plots. I dont know much about WIJ lore, so i can't guess about that or how accurate this is.

Your writing style is easily read and has no notable hiccups.

Overall, I'd say its good. May be better than... Some TGI story i cant remember a while back.

Ill be hoping to catch the next chapters.
Report Abuse
7890jj is not online. 7890jj
Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 4292
16 Sep 2013 02:25 PM
I write.
I've written 3 successful stories and I am currently.
Jiaan, get some intelligence and then come at me.

i like doughnuts with the crust cut off
Report Abuse
Greeksoldier11 is not online. Greeksoldier11
Joined: 12 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1362
16 Sep 2013 02:25 PM
WOAH I DON'T BELIEVE I READ IT

By the way nice story!

#TEAMLIKEABOSS
Report Abuse
Inysa is not online. Inysa
Joined: 18 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 4477
16 Sep 2013 02:38 PM
7890, please. Give us names.

Your grammar is an affront to nature anyway, so I don't believe you in the least. Nor likely does anyone else.
Report Abuse
7890jj is not online. 7890jj
Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 4292
16 Sep 2013 03:37 PM
Inysa.
A New Evil Arises (Original)
A New Evil Arises (Newer Version)
A New Evil Arises 2

And my current one.
The Truth.

i like doughnuts with the crust cut off
Report Abuse
Inysa is not online. Inysa
Joined: 18 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 4477
17 Sep 2013 05:38 PM
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO CALL THIS BAD?

YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT THOSE INCOHERENT SACKS OF SOD ARE PRESENTABLE?

So yes. You still haven't justified calling this bad, but even if you did the fact you dared allude to those instantly destroyed any modicum of credibility.
Report Abuse
7890jj is not online. 7890jj
Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 4292
18 Sep 2013 06:29 AM
Insya.
Calm down.
Just calm down.

i like doughnuts with the crust cut off
Report Abuse
Previous Thread :: Next Thread 
Page 1 of 1
 
 
ROBLOX Forum » Club Houses » Clans & Guilds
   
 
   
  • About Us
  • Jobs
  • Blog
  • Parents
  • Help
  • Terms
  • Privacy

©2017 Roblox Corporation. Roblox, the Roblox logo, Robux, Bloxy, and Powering Imagination are among our registered and unregistered trademarks in the U.S. and other countries.



Progress
Starting Roblox...
Connecting to Players...
R R

Roblox is now loading. Get ready to play!

R R

You're moments away from getting into the game!

Click here for help

Check Remember my choice and click Launch Application in the dialog box above to join games faster in the future!

Gameplay sponsored by:
Loading 0% - Starting game...
Get more with Builders Club! Join Builders Club
Choose Your Avatar
I have an account
generic image