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Re: @MuffledSpeech

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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:09 AM
hi idtalk

hows school

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:10 AM
It's alright I suppose
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:11 AM
That's good.

And how's life in general?

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:13 AM
You don't want me to discuss life here. It'll turn your thread into a depressing waste.
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:16 AM
Well then, let's narrow it down.

How was your day?

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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AGuyWithPie is not online. AGuyWithPie
Joined: 18 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 9513
08 Sep 2013 06:17 AM
no oding pls

~BLIMEY,THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS~
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:18 AM
@Guy

go back to eating your pie pls

is ur breakfast at 4 in the morning

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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AGuyWithPie is not online. AGuyWithPie
Joined: 18 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 9513
08 Sep 2013 06:19 AM
I haven't had breakfast yet.

~BLIMEY,THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS~
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:19 AM
Have breakfast. It's sunday.

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:20 AM
I had a birthday party with family against my better judgement, as I know I cannot handle people. But I went anyways. I cried twice and stayed inside the house alone whilst everyone else had a grand ol time outside on the patio. I know they hate me. I know they're ashamed of me. My cousin Jackie was talking to me about coming down to meet her in LA sometime and I could only stare at the floor and nod. And I glanced at her face for a moment, and made eye contact with her. I could read it all over her face. She was appalled at what I've become. She didn't know who I was. Certainly not the little girl who used to be so close to her. And I felt shame. Shame shame shame.
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:22 AM
@ID

Tell me your problems. Even though it might not do much.

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:23 AM
I cannot even begin to describe my problems. And you certainly don't have time to hear all of it.
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:24 AM
I have time.

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:25 AM
I've never told anyone here the story. Why should I tell you
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:26 AM
Because I'm interested. At least try to lift you a bit from your depression.

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:37 AM
This is going to take a long time. I'll split it up in separate posts so you won't have such a huge wall of text..

It began with my father. Mm surprise surprise, idtalk has daddy issues! Oh how do I explain him... He was, well, he was a manipulative, delusional, short-tempered, controlling man. See, he was quite talented at brainwashing people. He had this aura about him, this sense you got when around him that said "Do not defy me." He was a large guy as well, so he looked very frightful. He liked control. Oh, how he LIKED control. He would convince my mother she was worthless, that she was a horrible parent, that she couldn't do anything right. And he convinced me I was a rotten, spoiled child. Of course it was quite the opposite.

I recall being very young, most likely 4? 5? And we were sitting in the car in the parking lot of some restaurant. And at that age I couldn't quite say the alphabet correctly. I kept getting messed up at the "lmnop" part as most children do. Instead of being a cute kid thing, he took it as me deliberately saying it wrong just to spite him. Which doesn't make any sense but he rarely did. So we sat there in the car, with me reciting the alphabet over and over and over for probably a good hour or more and I kept getting it wrong and he grew angrier. I don't remember what ended up happening. I'm sure I eventually got it right. Anyways, this was one of the more tame incidents. I suppose I'll lead up to the worse ones.
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Petylaxx is not online. Petylaxx
Joined: 06 Aug 2013
Total Posts: 1476
08 Sep 2013 06:38 AM
Oh dear...
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:40 AM
Father issues....

If he ends up hitting you, call the CPS. I'll think of stuff to help.

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:42 AM
When we did something he didn't like, such as looking at him the wrong way or speaking too quietly, he would sit us down for his "talks." You know the regular "fatherly talks" you get? Where you're obviously in trouble and you have a nice long talk with your dad about it and you end up hugging or whatever? At least I think that's what happens with normal people. Maybe I've seen too many movies. Anyways, his talks were nothing like that. His talks were basically him listing everything wrong with us and telling us how stupid we were and how we obviously didn't love him if we screwed up so badly all the time. And we were to sit silently through the whole thing, only speaking when he wanted our agreement that yes, he was right. He was always right. These would last for hours. At the end, I would say, "I'm sorry, daddy. I'm sorry I'm such an awful daughter. Please forgive me." I don't remember what he made my mother say. It was all scripted. We had to say it exactly how he wanted us to or there would be another hour of relentless insults.

good lord this is much harder to type out than i thought it would be
memories how i loooove you
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:45 AM
Your father sounds like a complete asshat.

Also, "memories how i loooove you"

Is memories a person?

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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Dantopia is not online. Dantopia
Joined: 25 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 15711
08 Sep 2013 06:46 AM
[ Content Deleted ]
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:47 AM
He.. He did hurt us. Well, me. I don't know if he hurt her. If he did I never saw it. This is one part of the story that I simply cannot repeat. Sorry. It involves duct tape and showers and beatings with various objects.
I still remember crying uncontrollably as it happened, and he just said from on top of me, "I'll only stop once you stop crying."

Moving on from that.. To make this part of the story short, I'll skip to us moving out. We had tried multiple times to leave but each time he physically stopped us and forced us to stay in the house. One day, I was eight years old, and my mom picked me up from school. My heart was fluttering and I trembled because I knew, I knew we were escaping. While he was at work that day, she cleaned our stuff out of the house and got her brother to help move it to an apartment far away. She told me she left a note for him to find when he got home. I can only imagine his expression as he read it.
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Petylaxx is not online. Petylaxx
Joined: 06 Aug 2013
Total Posts: 1476
08 Sep 2013 06:49 AM
Aww
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CaptainCamdenw8 is not online. CaptainCamdenw8
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 1995
08 Sep 2013 06:49 AM
Did anything "sexuaI" happen?

Jesus, some people are crazy these day.
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MuffledSpeech is not online. MuffledSpeech
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Total Posts: 32719
08 Sep 2013 06:56 AM
Camden I don't want to talk about that part anymore, please.

Anyways, you'd think my story would be over by now eh? No unfortunately. See as you can probably imagine, that kind of trauma left me pretty messed up. My mom took me to a psychiatrist immediately after to help me cope. Her name was Melanie. I miss her. After several years of this, I began to show symptoms of not being all right in the head. I was a social butterfly at the time. I had many friends and made more quickly. But I began to get violent towards them. And towards my mother. I'm not proud to admit this but I did hurt people. I hurt my mother quite frequently in the midst of my episodes. I'd rather not go into details with that either. I haven't forgiven myself for that even though I know I couldn't help it.

I remember being suspended for biting a girl at school. Yes. Bit her pretty hard actually. I was even surprised at my own handiwork when I was called to the office later and saw her cradling her arm, the wound exposed. Again, I felt shame. I didn't want to hurt people. But I did want to at the same time. At one point I got so violent that my mother got me put into a mental health center. Good lord that place was awful.
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