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| 19 Aug 2013 04:42 PM |
Name: Atticus Gerard (Gerald?) Turtledove
Age: (Assumably) Fifty-nine years old.
Date of Birth: "There are an astonishing 561 documents chronicling Atticus Turtledove's date of birth, including (but not limited to)... the Greenlake letters, the Carver-State records, the Fornspring Listings, the Livingston Societal Policies, three (possibly four) different birth certificates, multiple government documents (originating from St. Paul, Columbia, the Union of Columbia, and the United States of America), several journal entries, and 400+ other manuscripts that may or may not have valid correlations. However, of the 561 documents, only two dates found have been consistent. The first date (originally found in the Harwald Riverton Archives) is listed as January 2nd, 1922. While this date seems reasonable considering a whopping 256 documents marking it as his official date of birth, there are still another 121 claiming he was born on May 11th, 1848. Historian Bernard Turner speculates that '...while both dates have corresponding documents affirming their authenticity, it seems improbable a single man would have dual birthdates.'"
-Edward Oswald, "Historic Anomalies"
Place of Birth: "...Of the 561 documents chronicling his [Atticus Turtledove's] date of birth, only 3/4ths of them record his place of birth, and among these there is no definite explanation. However, many of the documents pertaining to his "first birthing" (that is, May 11th, 1848 as assumed in the Greenlake Letters) list his birthplace as "The Cradle of Liberty, in the Sodom Below". It is assumed the writer(s) was/were referring to the city of Boston located in Massachusetts, but this assumption is speculative at best."
-Jeffrey Hamilton, "Varietal Divergences in Historical Accounting "
Hair Colour: Dark brown, then white/grey
Eye Colour: (Assumably) blue-grey (although some accounts report "hazel" or "chestnut")
Weight: (approx.) 145-150 lbs
Height: (approx.) 5'11 to 6'2
Backstory: Unavailable at this time.
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| 19 Aug 2013 04:43 PM |
The Third Turtledove By Javier Duarte BERLIN | Fri Aug 2, 2013 1:28pm EDT
(Reuters) - It is speculated that a third incarnation of the infamous historical phenomenon 'Atticus Turtledove' has shown up in Deutschland under the alias, 'Jakob Bogaard'. While it is currently unknown why the 'Third Turtledove' decided to go by the name of Germany's newly appointed vice-chancellor, some have gone so far to argue that the 'Third Turtledove' IS the new vice-chancellor. |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 04:54 PM |
sweet robes, obi wan-too-many-days-in-the-sun
stop preachin', homie, teach your flock to covet some fun
*beat*
I BRING JOY, EVERY YEAR, MAN I REPRESENT CHEER, YOU REPRESENT SANDALS AND A SCRAGGLY BEARD |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 04:55 PM |
I'M FROM THE NORTH POOOLE
THAT'S WHY MY RHYMES ARE SOOO COOOLD
I'D SPIT DIAMONDS BUT I'M SERVIN' UP SOME FRESH COAL |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 04:56 PM |
YOU BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY
YOU BROUGHT A PLAGUE FROGS
YOU BEST ARREST YOURSELF, YOU BROKE YOUR OWN LAW
OR WAS THERE SOMETHIN' IN RULE SIX I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
MY LIST SAYS KILLED EGYPTIAN DUDE, BURIED HIM IN SAND |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 04:58 PM |
I READ YOUR BOOK
YOU GOT A STRICT RELIGION
NO BACON?
*rightfully horrified looks*
BUT MANDATORY filtered?
I'M A JOLLY BOWL O' JELLY GIVIN' HOLIDAY PRESENTS
BUT ALL THE CHOSEN PEOPLE EVER GET FOR CHRISTMAS IS JEALOUS |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:02 PM |
when i was high upon the mountain god revealed the truths of the earth, but he never mentioned a fat ass papa smurf
IT TAKES NINE REINDEERS TO HAUL YOUR FAT ASS
YOU TOOK THE CHRIST OUTTA CHRISTMAS AND JUST ADDED MORE MASS
entire filtered section
ho ho ho
DON'T YOU HO HO ME
I'LL SPLIT YOUR ASS IN HALF
LIKE I DID THE RED SEA
YOU AIN'T A SAINT YOUR A SLAVER |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:03 PM |
entire filtered section
ho ho ho
DON'T YOU HO HO ME
I'LL SPLIT YOUR ASS IN HALF
LIKE I DID THE RED SEA
YOU AIN'T A SAINT YOU'RE A SLAVER
LIKE A PHARAOH IN THE SNOW
STOP WITH THE UNPAID LABOR
AND LET MY LITTLE PEOPLE GO |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:06 PM |
WE AIN'T SLAVES
ALL THAT SAND TURNED YOUR BRAINS TO MUSH
i think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush
YEAH, WE'RE MAGICAL WORKERS, MAN
we hang with reindeer
YO, HERE'S A GPS
who gets lost for forty years?
YOU'RE A GLORIFIED SECRETARY, SO WRITE THIS DOWN
begat deez nuuuts
SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOOWN |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:08 PM |
so much drama in the israe-L BC
it's kinda hard talking directly to the G-O-single D
HAND ME MY CHISEL I GOT A NEW COMMANDIZZLE FOR Y'ALL
THOU SHALL NOT LET KIDS SIT ON A GROWN MAN'S LAP AT THE MALL
I'LL BEAT YOU 10 TIMES BEFORE THE BREAD CAN RISE YOU DUMMY
AND WALL OFF INTO THE LAND OF MY MILK AND HONIES |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:09 PM |
| well i double posted and i don't even care |
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JoshWesty
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| Joined: 09 Jun 2011 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:11 PM |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4VbOHvaPRc&feature=fvwp |
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fathat121
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| Joined: 26 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 1926 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 05:13 PM |
| This is er... a creative way to put things. |
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| 19 Aug 2013 06:08 PM |
4 Monday, August 19, 2035 at 1:47 AM By Blogger JavDuarte23
Ive f_cking found him! AGAIN! Ik all you Dovers out there have been waitin for an update, well, I FINALY have one. i found the FOURTH TURTLEDOVEE! the FOURTH! in the Aland Islands. heh, betcha didnt evn know that place existed! well it does! and hes there! hes f_ckin there alright! i cant believe it. he also seems a lot yunger!weird, cuz he was 59 when he was th chancellor of germany, bak in '13... |
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| Joined: 09 Oct 2010 |
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| 19 Aug 2013 06:10 PM |
I FOUND HIM TOO
I FOUND JESUS
I FOUND HIM IN MY BASEMENT
AND HE WAS BLACK
BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT, IT WAS JERUSALEM! DO YOU KNOW HOW FEW HONKIES THERE WERE IN JERUSALEM!? |
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