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Re: Turtledove, Atticus G.

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Herehavesomecash is not online. Herehavesomecash
Joined: 23 May 2009
Total Posts: 3770
19 Aug 2013 04:42 PM
Name: Atticus Gerard (Gerald?) Turtledove

Age: (Assumably) Fifty-nine years old.

Date of Birth: "There are an astonishing 561 documents chronicling Atticus Turtledove's date of birth, including (but not limited to)... the Greenlake letters, the Carver-State records, the Fornspring Listings, the Livingston Societal Policies, three (possibly four) different birth certificates, multiple government documents (originating from St. Paul, Columbia, the Union of Columbia, and the United States of America), several journal entries, and 400+ other manuscripts that may or may not have valid correlations. However, of the 561 documents, only two dates found have been consistent. The first date (originally found in the Harwald Riverton Archives) is listed as January 2nd, 1922. While this date seems reasonable considering a whopping 256 documents marking it as his official date of birth, there are still another 121 claiming he was born on May 11th, 1848. Historian Bernard Turner speculates that '...while both dates have corresponding documents affirming their authenticity, it seems improbable a single man would have dual birthdates.'"

-Edward Oswald, "Historic Anomalies"

Place of Birth: "...Of the 561 documents chronicling his [Atticus Turtledove's] date of birth, only 3/4ths of them record his place of birth, and among these there is no definite explanation. However, many of the documents pertaining to his "first birthing" (that is, May 11th, 1848 as assumed in the Greenlake Letters) list his birthplace as "The Cradle of Liberty, in the Sodom Below". It is assumed the writer(s) was/were referring to the city of Boston located in Massachusetts, but this assumption is speculative at best."

-Jeffrey Hamilton, "Varietal Divergences in Historical Accounting "

Hair Colour: Dark brown, then white/grey

Eye Colour: (Assumably) blue-grey (although some accounts report "hazel" or "chestnut")

Weight: (approx.) 145-150 lbs

Height: (approx.) 5'11 to 6'2

Backstory: Unavailable at this time.
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Herehavesomecash is not online. Herehavesomecash
Joined: 23 May 2009
Total Posts: 3770
19 Aug 2013 04:43 PM
The Third Turtledove
By Javier Duarte
BERLIN | Fri Aug 2, 2013 1:28pm EDT

(Reuters) - It is speculated that a third incarnation of the infamous historical phenomenon 'Atticus Turtledove' has shown up in Deutschland under the alias, 'Jakob Bogaard'. While it is currently unknown why the 'Third Turtledove' decided to go by the name of Germany's newly appointed vice-chancellor, some have gone so far to argue that the 'Third Turtledove' IS the new vice-chancellor.
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 04:54 PM
sweet robes, obi wan-too-many-days-in-the-sun

stop preachin', homie, teach your flock to covet some fun

*beat*

I BRING JOY, EVERY YEAR, MAN I REPRESENT CHEER, YOU REPRESENT SANDALS AND A SCRAGGLY BEARD
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 04:55 PM
I'M FROM THE NORTH POOOLE

THAT'S WHY MY RHYMES ARE SOOO COOOLD

I'D SPIT DIAMONDS BUT I'M SERVIN' UP SOME FRESH COAL
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 04:56 PM
YOU BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY

YOU BROUGHT A PLAGUE FROGS

YOU BEST ARREST YOURSELF, YOU BROKE YOUR OWN LAW

OR WAS THERE SOMETHIN' IN RULE SIX I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND

MY LIST SAYS KILLED EGYPTIAN DUDE, BURIED HIM IN SAND
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 04:58 PM
I READ YOUR BOOK

YOU GOT A STRICT RELIGION

NO BACON?

*rightfully horrified looks*

BUT MANDATORY filtered?

I'M A JOLLY BOWL O' JELLY GIVIN' HOLIDAY PRESENTS

BUT ALL THE CHOSEN PEOPLE EVER GET FOR CHRISTMAS IS JEALOUS
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 05:02 PM
when i was high upon the mountain god revealed the truths of the earth, but he never mentioned a fat ass papa smurf

IT TAKES NINE REINDEERS TO HAUL YOUR FAT ASS

YOU TOOK THE CHRIST OUTTA CHRISTMAS AND JUST ADDED MORE MASS

entire filtered section

ho ho ho

DON'T YOU HO HO ME

I'LL SPLIT YOUR ASS IN HALF

LIKE I DID THE RED SEA

YOU AIN'T A SAINT YOUR A SLAVER
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 05:03 PM
entire filtered section

ho ho ho

DON'T YOU HO HO ME

I'LL SPLIT YOUR ASS IN HALF

LIKE I DID THE RED SEA

YOU AIN'T A SAINT YOU'RE A SLAVER

LIKE A PHARAOH IN THE SNOW

STOP WITH THE UNPAID LABOR

AND LET MY LITTLE PEOPLE GO
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 05:06 PM
WE AIN'T SLAVES

ALL THAT SAND TURNED YOUR BRAINS TO MUSH

i think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush

YEAH, WE'RE MAGICAL WORKERS, MAN

we hang with reindeer

YO, HERE'S A GPS

who gets lost for forty years?

YOU'RE A GLORIFIED SECRETARY, SO WRITE THIS DOWN

begat deez nuuuts

SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOOWN
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 05:08 PM
so much drama in the israe-L BC

it's kinda hard talking directly to the G-O-single D

HAND ME MY CHISEL I GOT A NEW COMMANDIZZLE FOR Y'ALL

THOU SHALL NOT LET KIDS SIT ON A GROWN MAN'S LAP AT THE MALL

I'LL BEAT YOU 10 TIMES BEFORE THE BREAD CAN RISE YOU DUMMY

AND WALL OFF INTO THE LAND OF MY MILK AND HONIES
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 05:09 PM
well i double posted and i don't even care
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JoshWesty is not online. JoshWesty
Joined: 09 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 5301
19 Aug 2013 05:11 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4VbOHvaPRc&feature=fvwp
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fathat121 is not online. fathat121
Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1926
19 Aug 2013 05:13 PM
This is er... a creative way to put things.
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Herehavesomecash is not online. Herehavesomecash
Joined: 23 May 2009
Total Posts: 3770
19 Aug 2013 06:08 PM
4
Monday, August 19, 2035 at 1:47 AM
By Blogger JavDuarte23

Ive f_cking found him! AGAIN! Ik all you Dovers out there have been waitin for an update, well, I FINALY have one. i found the FOURTH TURTLEDOVEE! the FOURTH! in the Aland Islands. heh, betcha didnt evn know that place existed! well it does! and hes there! hes f_ckin there alright! i cant believe it. he also seems a lot yunger!weird, cuz he was 59 when he was th chancellor of germany, bak in '13...
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Recesity is not online. Recesity
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 15626
19 Aug 2013 06:10 PM
I FOUND HIM TOO

I FOUND JESUS

I FOUND HIM IN MY BASEMENT

AND HE WAS BLACK

BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT, IT WAS JERUSALEM! DO YOU KNOW HOW FEW HONKIES THERE WERE IN JERUSALEM!?
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