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Re: Want me to post My Immortal?

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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:42 PM
Yes? Ok then.

1ST CHAPTERS, THIS IS THE ACTUAL THING (with the swears censored, of course). I DID NOT WRITE THIS. IT IS REAL, AND NOT A JOKE.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

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OPTICFLAME is not online. OPTICFLAME
Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 7725
06 Aug 2013 08:44 PM
Hate it. There are obviously alot of things you should change
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:45 PM
Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

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Litemare is not online. Litemare
Joined: 10 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 50666
06 Aug 2013 08:45 PM
"Hate it. There are obviously alot of things you should change"

Have you seriously never heard of my immortal like what do you even go on the internet
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OPTICFLAME is not online. OPTICFLAME
Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 7725
06 Aug 2013 08:46 PM
You clearly don't know draco malfoy.
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:47 PM
Forgot to mention it's an Ha.rry Pott.er fanfic, and I am not going to change it.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:48 PM
To make this clear, I DID NOT MAKE THIS.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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OPTICFLAME is not online. OPTICFLAME
Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 7725
06 Aug 2013 08:49 PM
I hate it anyways.
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rainbowgirl500 is not online. rainbowgirl500
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 3870
06 Aug 2013 08:49 PM
Bloody hell...
MY EYES MY EYES KILLL IT WITH FIRE




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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:52 PM
Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigare.ttes and dru.gs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary Duff. I hate that little beach*." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some be.er and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!





IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:53 PM
Checking for swear words is horrible.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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rainbowgirl500 is not online. rainbowgirl500
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 3870
06 Aug 2013 08:54 PM
Please don't post the next chapter, It's really quit horrifying
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:56 PM
Publisher's Note: WARNING: This Chapter contains Tara's idea of a lemon, so if you are not mature enough to handle this, skip it. You decide.

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the heck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the heck?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my br.a. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orga.sm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOTS!"

It was….Dumbledore!



IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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OPTICFLAME is not online. OPTICFLAME
Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 7725
06 Aug 2013 08:57 PM
They spend to much time discussing the little things giving us no imagination for the visuals and not stretching out the important details enough
And for a fanfic to work they have to make something semi-realistic happen that could just maybe happen in the show. GAAAH people know nothing.
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:57 PM
My pain is worse. I have to go through all the fanfic 2 or 3 times to check for swear words. I feel sorry for myself.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 08:58 PM
Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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rainbowgirl500 is not online. rainbowgirl500
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 3870
06 Aug 2013 08:59 PM
''Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.''




So...did he fall?
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NarutoNow is not online. NarutoNow
Joined: 03 May 2010
Total Posts: 3520
06 Aug 2013 08:59 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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plexiglass is not online. plexiglass
Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 10640
06 Aug 2013 09:02 PM
Half Life Full Life Consequences is better
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 09:12 PM
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bas.tard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a se.xy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so se.xy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erecti.on only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Har.ry Pott.er, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


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rainbowgirl500 is not online. rainbowgirl500
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 3870
06 Aug 2013 09:13 PM
If I had a dollar for how many times ebony cries tears of blood, I'd be rich
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rainbowgirl500 is not online. rainbowgirl500
Joined: 21 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 3870
06 Aug 2013 09:14 PM
Spray-painting your hair is a health hazard.
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 09:15 PM
Now I'm going to take a small break because this is horrible.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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codemonkey123 is not online. codemonkey123
Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Total Posts: 6534
06 Aug 2013 09:22 PM
I don't even want to think what everyone else was thinking when they saw a woman with spray painted hair eating bloody count chocula.


"Oh hey Jim! How's it going? Wanna sit over by that scene girl? She might be nice WHAT IS SHE EATING IS THAT BLOOD OH MY GOD IT'S IN THE GLASS TOO AND NOW THE SAVIOR OF HOGWARTS IS GOING THROUGH THE SCENE PHASE"

then "IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM" rings off in the distance.
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
06 Aug 2013 09:25 PM
Sorry for the delay. I'm having a bit of trouble.

IT WAS DUMBLYDORE
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