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Re: Demigods: The Beginning

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johncenaroks12 is not online. johncenaroks12
Joined: 31 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 28
05 Aug 2013 01:04 PM
Chapter 8: The Flight

After 2 hours of driving and planning we found out where Alyconeus is. He is in a Glacier in Anchorage Alaska. Then we finally made it to Manhattan International Airport. We all got on a plane to Alaska.

After 2 hours of flying I started to get bored. Everyone else had something to do. Mason was trying to flirt with Alex. Trey was polishing his new winged shoes. Hannah was poking her bag of wind seeing if it would explode. Chase was trying to decode his stone with the etching on it. Summers was reading her book on secret locations. Kristin was punching Cody for some reason. Chris was reading Myles battle strategy's book. Bryan was reading a book. And Addison was playing her laptop.

We finally landed. Luckily not crashing. Trey spoke up and said "What now?" I said " We rent a van and drive it to the Glacier." Then all the sudden a guy walked up to us and said " Hope you can survive on your own" And a huge force pushed us all and I blacked out.

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logan3670 is not online. logan3670
Joined: 14 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 574
05 Aug 2013 02:18 PM
No offense. But your chapters are short, and repetitive. They sound boring, are not fun to read, and in a simple word. Bore on and on. I have read every chapter so far, and I find that you drone and list things, rather than tell them from a perspective.

Have fun finishing your story.
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mattblast27 is not online. mattblast27
Joined: 09 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 48
05 Aug 2013 02:32 PM
GG logan xD
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AntyBowser is not online. AntyBowser
Joined: 21 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 9
05 Aug 2013 02:40 PM
I agree completely with Logan. You write very short chapters. That would be less than 1/4 of a page.
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johncenaroks12 is not online. johncenaroks12
Joined: 31 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 28
05 Aug 2013 02:45 PM
I was in a rush today I had 10 mins to write it but I will start making them longer
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AlphaX10 is not online. AlphaX10
Joined: 13 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 7671
05 Aug 2013 02:46 PM
Even the short stories I make on occasion are longer than the chapter.
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ninjafire7494 is not online. ninjafire7494
Joined: 03 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 2915
05 Aug 2013 02:52 PM
As I said before, unless you're gonna make each chapter long, descriptive, and fun to read, don't write. The only thing good about this is that this story is boring but short. Books I read have a few chapters of descriptions on the plane ride, (chapters which are 15 paragraphs long) and what I liked is that it was enjoying.
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AntyBowser is not online. AntyBowser
Joined: 21 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 9
05 Aug 2013 07:46 PM
We're Not trying to be mean, We're Just Trying to help you out with this.
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johncenaroks12 is not online. johncenaroks12
Joined: 31 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 28
05 Aug 2013 09:46 PM
I understand but idk Ninjas comment made me feel like it was the worst book he ever read
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
05 Aug 2013 10:03 PM
Just think of this as a rough draft. Before you share these chapters re-write them with more detail. You may be able to change a short chapter, such as this, into something much longer and better.
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MasterAvocado is not online. MasterAvocado
Joined: 15 May 2013
Total Posts: 996
05 Aug 2013 11:36 PM
take your time you hooligan
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logan3670 is not online. logan3670
Joined: 14 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 574
06 Aug 2013 02:13 PM
^
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