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| 03 Aug 2013 09:45 AM |
This is a Medieval story I made, named Farm Boy. Some names are from other books because I'm not much of a name maker myself. I will be adding more chapters, but not frequently. As it takes some time to think of the story.
Chapter 1: Introduction/The Bear
There was once an old farm boy named Roran, now this is in the old times, way back in medieval times in fact, back when there were mighty castles, and people didn't work at a factory, they made their own things. Some were blacksmiths, some were farmers, and some were butchers, and other things of that sort. Not just one polluting factory that ten or 20, possibly even 30 people worked at. Now this boy had a thing for hunting, and he went out one night hunt, and he caught glimpse of a deer getting pommeled by a bear, a black bear to be precise. Then the bear saw him, what was he thinking? Nothing. His heart was beating so fast he nearly fell to his feet, until he realized what was coming. He started running, and running, his heart beating faster than ever before. But it was too late, the bear caught up and pushed him to the ground. He lie perfectly still, as to make the bear think he killed him then and there. And the bear got up to do something he had not a clue of, and he took that chance. He sprung up and pulled out his bow and an arrow with such speed, the bear had just enough time to turn around before the boy shot him. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 09:47 AM |
| Oh yes, and sorry for any spelling errors I might make. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:13 AM |
| Did he summon his bow is he magician |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:15 AM |
Chapter 2: Trouble
So the boy comes home, with a cut on his left arm, and a gash on his right arm, as I didn't say it, but he got hit by the bear twice before he fell, he needed to hide it because his father didn't like him going out to hunt at night, so he tried sneaking into the house before sunrise came and his father, Alexander, woke up, so he went through the door, to find his father right behind it in his old rocking chair his finger stretching in and out in a motion telling him to come there. Now his father had absolutely huge hands, both stretching to the size of five and a half inches, and he was very strong at that, he had always been a strong, hard working man. Roran hesitated, but came, and when he got there, his father, Alexander, slapped him across his left cheek it sent him tumbling five feet to the right, and slamming into the wall. He banged his head on the wall so hard, it cracked the wall and knocked him out. He woke to see his father gesturing to come there again, with hesitation once again, he walked over. And to his surprise, just hearing his father say, "Not again". He released his breath after holding it in, and ran upstairs to bandage his arms, get a new long sleeved shirt to hide the bandages, and lay rest until sunrise. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:17 AM |
| :l No, no he is not... Where would you get that idea? He sprung up and took his bow out, yes, I never said he brought a bow, but it's kind of obvious. They didn't have guns in those days, so he wouldn't bring a rifle, and it would be stupid to bring a sword or dagger on a hunting trip, so it makes sense he would have a bow. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:32 AM |
| Please keep posting on this topic to a minimum, I would like it to be mostly chapters instead of questions and such, if you have a question like that, think of what is most realistic, like what I said. Thank you. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:32 AM |
| Please keep posting on this topic to a minimum, I would like it to be mostly chapters instead of questions and such, if you have a question like that, think of what is most realistic, like what I said. Thank you. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:36 AM |
Depending on how his bow is holstered on his body, being crushed by a bear would snap it in half, unless it's made out of strong material. But since you included NO details about the bow, or that he even had it until the end, you get a 0/10.
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:41 AM |
| Well I have two questions for you, one, did I say the bear crushed him? No, I said he knocked him down, two, yes, I did not say how strong the bow was, therefore you cannot say if it would brake or not. In this case, it did not. Now please, like I said, keep posting to a minimum and only ask questions, and even than only ask ones you have pondered for at least ten constant minutes. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:44 AM |
| Then the slamming of the ground would've snapped the bow. If you're going to write, at least add some basic details. You're also not Big Brother, so I'm not obliged to follow your every whim by not insulting your writing. I will keep posting to a maximum and critique everything I can for the sole purpose of smashing the system. Prepare for justice. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:52 AM |
| Being slammed into a wall from five feet away with such force that it causes the wall to crack, then getting knocked out by it would result at least result in a concussion. He shouldn't have been able to balance himself enough to walk to his father and properly understand him. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:55 AM |
| Okay, I'm going to answer this one time. Any further hate comments will be reported. He could not result in a concussion, as my father got hit just like him, only further, by my grandfather which was a lot stronger at that time than the father now. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 10:57 AM |
| Come at me, report these "hate" comments. If you're being offended by these then you need to grow up. Did you watch your father get hit by your grandfather? |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:01 AM |
| 1. They are hate comments 2. No I did not, but my father has never lied to me before, because I am a believer in God, unlike you, and my father knows that if he lies, I will begin to not trust him, and therefore not trust him about God. 3. If you want me to make a repost with more detail, I will. But do not post any further or I will start reporting, as I am not insulted, I am annoyed. I said to keep posting to a minimum, which you are not doing. And hate comments are against the rules, and partially spam as they are unneeded and just meant to push other people down. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:07 AM |
Oo oh, I want to make a list that's not vertical too! 1. They are not hate comments, they're constructive criticism. 2. Everybody lies. 2a. Why the Hell do you need to bring religion into this? It has nothing to do with anything we're talking about right now. 2b. So the only reason you're religious is because your dad says religion exists, and if you catch him lying one time, you'll instantly rethink everything and become an atheist? 3. I want you to make a repost with detail. 3a. You're going to report me for posting? Good luck with that. 3b. So because I didn't obey your orders, oh great one, you're going to attempt to get me banned? Gg, wp. 3c. If anything un-needed is considered spam, then shouldn't your story be considered spam? |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:20 AM |
| 1. Constructive criticism is hate comments, criticism is hate, and it is a comment, therefore a hate comment. 2. I have never lied, not once in my life, and if I have not than it means I have been raised by good parents, parents that do not lie. 2a. I did not bring religion into this, I brought it up giving some light on the fact that my father does not lie. 2b. No, in fact, we have so much proof of God, I cannot even say. You would have to research yourself, which I am not telling you to do, but me and my family have researched for over 3 years now and found proof, he says that because if earlier in my life he was lying, I may have strayed away from God. Now if you do not want to bring up religion, do not talk about it. 3. Okay, I will gladly do so as long as you do not post hate comments, though I will keep it in a notepad until at least 5 chapters are finished at a time, and go through editing anything that might not be detailed or make sense to someone not willing to think about it. So it may take awhile before I repost it, but I will PM you when I do so you can review it, please though, only point out problems in your own will, do not just try to push me down. 3a. I am going to report you for braking the forum rules, have you even read them? It says no posting flame bait or flames, therefore, hate comments. 3b. No, I will report you for posting unneeded hate comments, and therefore disobeying the rules, and disobeying me considering this is my topic, and I want to keep it to a minimum. 3c. If you're going to go there, shouldn't everything on the forum be taken off? Nothing on the forum, maybe ROBLOX should just remove it. But no, they don't. Because this is not unneeded, it is not needed entirely, but this entire forum isn't really NEEDED, it's wanted, but hate comments are just to push someone down, and therefore not need at all. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:23 AM |
FORUM TOPIC CLOSED DUE TO HATE COMMENTS ON LITTLE DETAIL I WILL BE MAKING A NEW TOPIC ON THIS WHEN I GET TO 5 CHAPTERS AND EDITED WITH DETAIL SO I DO NOT GET HATE COMMENTS. CHECK BACK FOR FARM BOY REPOSTED SOON. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:28 AM |
That is the hardest list to read ever. Please make all lists vertical, like so. 1. Criticism is not hate, criticism is just pointing out what's wrong.
2. Just because you don't lie doesn't mean your parents have never ever lied ever.
2a. Yes you did. You had no reason to bring some guy in the cloud with a beard into this. Just because you believe in a god doesn't instantly make you free of all possible bad things you could ever do.
2b. Ooo oh! We can make a game out of this! Right, so I can't find any good proof. If you want to prove your faith, do so here. Give me proof of YOUR god, please give detail as to which one(s) you believe in. The proof CANNOT be anything possibly proved by science, and it cannot be any religious book, that is, the Bible, Quran, etc.
3. So you just said criticism is hate, but now you're going to PM me your final version so I can criticise it. Okay, please do so.
3a. Criticism is not flame bait.
3b. Where in the rules does it say I have to obey the whims of every forumer?
3c. Yes, everything on the forum should be taken off by your logic that unneeded things should be considered spam. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:43 AM |
1. It is hate. 2. I never said they didn't, I said they never did to me. 2a. Who says God is in the clouds, or has a beard? 2b. I said research it yourself, not ask me. I only know what I get told, my parents know most of the proof. I just know the little things which I cannot connect to the big things. 3. If you're going to keep hating on me in a way just meant to push me down, than no. I will not. But if you're going to point out problems, than yes, I am fine with that. 3a. Criticism is flame though. It's why critics are called what they are, because they hate and like movies, and when they hate them, they flame about them. 3b. It doesn't, but it is my forum, and you need to respect that and follow what I say, it's like rules on a RolePlaying story, like a rule "You cannot be all godman and all and do anything you want", etc. 3c. Okay, than just go tell ROBLOX to remove the entire forum. Everything on it, yeh know what! If absolutely everything that is unneeded is to be removed, go tell all presidents and kings of countries to remove all factories and unneeded things! Just food and water in the world is all we need! In fact, you can live off of B-pollen, water, and things such as flowers and grass, so just tell them to destroy everything except B-pollen water and grass! Yeah lets go with that! Now we won't have any unneeded things! 4. As I said, post is closed. Do not reply any further or I will not answer you flames, criticisms, hate comments, or whatever you want to call them. |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:45 AM |
ONCE AGAIN. FORUM TOPIC CLOSED DUE TO HATE COMMENTS ON LITTLE DETAIL I WILL BE MAKING A NEW TOPIC ON THIS WHEN I GET TO 5 CHAPTERS AND EDITED WITH DETAIL SO I DO NOT GET HATE COMMENTS. CHECK BACK FOR FARM BOY REPOSTED SOON. |
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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| 03 Aug 2013 11:50 AM |
Good job! You're improving! Now, whenever making vertical lists, insert spaces in between each line.
1. Criticism is not hate. Movie Critics don't continuously hate on movies, and Game Critics don't continuously hate on movies. (At least, they're not meant to.) They just point out what's wrong with it.
2. You can't prove someone isn't lying.
2a. The Christian Catechism book I was forced to study.
2b. So you haven't even researched it? Not even to verify what your parents told you?
3. Point out problems, that is, criticise. Which is what I've been doing this entire time. If I was putting you down, I'd be saying "OGM THIS MAKES NO SENSE U R STUPID 111111."
3a. Critics don't flame movies from what I've seen.
3b. No I don't. You cannot be banned from Roblox for godmodding on an RP, and I can't be banned because you say I should stop posting.
3c. I'm talking about your logic, not mine. You're the one that said unneeded things are considered spam, not me.
4. But you're answering them right now! Stand by your convictions!
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Netprobe
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Z0rr0w
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| Joined: 06 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 14027 |
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